There's Never Been Any Reason
by vaughn28
Summary: Sequel to Full Circle and continuation of Proof of a Purpose. Starbuck and Rene progress in their relationship as well as trying to save the fleet and find Earth. But will their past prevent them from moving forward into the future? Is the real enemy the Cylons, or are the humans more of a threat to themselves? Can Starbuck rescue Rene from herself?
1. Chapter 1

Adama's Journals –

The morning after the sealing, those of us that remained on the Rising Star gathered for a late breakfast before departing for the Galactica. While I suspected most of Rene's family were subdued due to an over abundance of food and alcohol the night before, a few seemed diminished because of the absence of the Bride and Groom. It had become apparent over the last few sectars that it was Rene that held the family together and Starbuck that pointed them in the right direction. Without the couple, the rest looked to Crius for direction. He was not up to the task as he grumbled, "Borays boxed in my brain. Don't bother me."

As the family went about gathering up their children and their belongings, including the various musical instruments, it became apparent that my new Colonel was more subdued than the others. I was aware that in the past he had been accustomed to helping out the family in any way he could to keep them safe from the brutal abuses of Dante's command structure, but since coming to the Galactica, his position had seemed unnecessary. It was not that the family pushed him aside as I had observed they did with others from the Zakar who may have been complicit in Dante's dealing, but rather his position was usurped by Starbuck. Gage tried to step forward now in the absence of the couple, and while the family spoke to him and accepted his help, it seemed as if it was more in compassion for the man rather than in need of assistance. Jake spared few words for him, turning down his help despite struggling with his own children who were anxious without their mother. Some rift had occurred between the two at the sealing, and it left Gage out in the cold.

I took the opportunity to bring my new Colonel into my confidence. Once we landed on the Galactica and the family had dispersed to see to their children and finish out their last day of leave before returning to duties the next cycle, I invited the Colonel to join me that evening for a meal in my quarters. I can only assume he thought others would be attending for when he arrived at my door he looked around my office in surprise.

"I thought we could dine alone and get to know each other better," I said. He was too polite to turn down the offer, though at first much like the Copper Squadron, he seemed uncomfortable to be in the room alone with me. I wondered if I had made a mistake having us dine in my office seated on the sofa with the meal on the low table, a game of chess laid out. Dante's office had been the setting of much of the worst brutality suffered at his hands, but I had hoped I had erased those associations with my own office. It seemed I was wrong, but once seated and drink in his hand, Gage set aside his trepidation.

Perhaps it was that I recounted for him my story of the destruction including my regrets at my inaction. It was a tale I had not shared beyond a few moments of doubt with my own daughter. If I had launched my vipers sooner, the battle may have been won, or at the least my youngest son may have made it to the fleet. I told him of my foolhardy visit to Caprica in the vain hopes that after losing my son right before my eyes, that perhaps my wife may have survived. I detailed for him the utter devastation of our home world, any hope of finding my wife alive extinguished the moment we flew over Caprica City, and yet I still insisted that we land. Apollo was uncomfortable with that decision, and even in his own guilt and grief offered up to me the hope that maybe his mother had been elsewhere when the attack occurred.

"They had died quickly if that is any consolation." I offered up what I could to Gage in our shared grief for our wives and children.

"It's why I allowed Rene to go back to Caprica. I had held onto the irrational hope that maybe my family had survived," he offered in admission of his covert trips back to their home. "The Shiva never went back to the Twelve Worlds once news reached us of the attack. We headed to the nearest outpost, gathered the military personnel and whoever else was willing to abandon the colony, and we set course for the next outpost from there. I think Commander Enten had plans to gather a military force and return to the Twelve Worlds. We had the Sabre and a few civilian vessels when we found the Zakar."

Gage abruptly stopped speaking as he remembered back to their first encounter with Dante and the rapidly escalating power struggle that ended abruptly in bloodshed. I had not wanted our dinner to be a rehashing of Gage's self imposed sins of failure, but rather as an attempt to assuage his guilt.

"We can only do what we can to survive," I offered. "I had my own struggles once we found Carillon. The members of the Council of Twelve had planned to resettle our population on the Ovion world despite my misgivings. They had thought once again to make peace with the Cylons, to destroy our arms and live under Cylon rule. I should have been firm and refused to allow our civilians down to the planet, but I too was struggling with my grief. I could have saved thousands of lives. I knew it was a foolish dream to hope for a truce with the cylons, but I couldn't find it in me to dictate the futures of our civilians."

My own admission had Gage sitting back, a look of shock upon his features, letting me know that he was unaware of the battles at Carillon. I should not have been surprised myself. My own people never speak of the Ovions, perhaps struggling with their own guilt that we all had been duped into a false sense of security that could have been our final doom. If not for Colonel Tigh and his continued support, I too may have been powerless to prevent the enslavement of our people.

I was reminded once again that Gage had merely been a Strike Wing Captain when the Shiva encountered the Zakar. He had little voice in the decisions of his Commander at the time. It was perhaps with evil intent that Dante chose to promote Gage, bringing him into the upper command structure in an effort to circumvent any uprising Gage may have fostered. But the rise in rank had given the man more resources to help those around him avoid abuse and perhaps even rein in worse punishments.

"We do what we can and rely on the support of those around us. It is difficult to stand alone against so many, but right is on our side." I put words to my thoughts in an effort to remind my new Colonel of the good he was able to do while on the Zakar and Dilmun. "He offered you nearly every thing you could have wanted. You resisted when weaker men many have given in."

"What he offered wasn't his to give." There was venom in Gage's words as he showed me once again the strength he held inside. "I never wanted anyone who was unwilling and he couldn't give me what I truly wanted."

I was tempted to ask what it might be he truly desired, but I suspected it was the same that I longed for, a return to a time in the past when our homes and families were safely awaiting us back at the Colonies. It is a reward we will not find in this lifetime.

"Yes, I understand," I offered instead and the mood became heavy with remorse. It was not how I wanted the evening to end. I thought back to the celebration the night before and pulled from those memories of happiness. "But still we move forward and try to forge something new to keep us going. You are an important part of my crew, Colonel. You are part of the Galactica family now."

I raised my glass to him, but his lips grew tight at my words and he did not raise his own glass. He contemplated the contents before baring his soul.

"I'm struggling to find my place. I fear I never will."

"I understand that as well. I thought of resigning after the destruction."

The words had the desired effect as Gage raised his gaze to meet mine. "Why didn't you, sir?"

"Apparently I was still needed. While I felt there was little I had left to give, it still may have been enough to save us all. Do not give up hope, Colonel. You are still needed. Our journey is not over, and you provide a guiding hand for the Copper Squadron. I'm told your intervention prevented Lieutenant Rene from being completely hedonistic in her forays to Caprica."

Gage shook his head ruefully as he laughed. "No, we just had different versions of self- indulgence. It was completely selfish on my part. Her ability is," he paused and seemed to consider his words, but forged forward with honesty. "It is seductive. She has perfected the art of seduction. She offers just enough of what she can do, then dangles her full potential out of reach."

"I don't think she is misleading us intentionally." I could not help but come to her defense. While begun for selfish purposes, her covert missions to Caprica had rescued women and children from Cylon slavery and delivered a man knowledgeable in viper and weapons design. She has come a long way from the frightened young woman Dante delivered to me. She has proven her abilities in battle and come up with strategies that have been effective in keeping the fleet safe from the enemy. It may not come easy for her, but she has learned to trust the warriors around her, working as a member of the Galactica team.

"Perhaps she is unaware of what she is doing," I added remembering Wilkers's comments about her lack of knowledge in astral physics.

Gage nodded at my advice, before pushing it aside. "Actually sir, I think she knows what she is doing. She is thinking of others. They may just not be those in the fleet, or even humans for that matter."

It was my turn to sit back in surprise. It was time for me to bare my soul as I spun the tale of Count Iblis and his miraculous effect on the fleet, the promises he made and the cost that he demanded. I am still unsure what it all meant, including the account of my son's death and resurrection. Gage listened intently, but had little to offer where Count Iblis was concerned, only that Dante seemed to change his mind at times without reason while listening to some voice other than his own.

"But you never saw him? He's not who gave Rene her powers?"

"No sir, I never saw him. Rene claims they did not come from him and I believe her. She may lie to others, but with me she has been honest."

I had my doubts on that score. Our definition of honesty may be vastly different. She has omitted many facts from her accounts, and has been known to use what information she holds to manipulate others. She has motives that are her own, and while I agree they may not be entirely self-serving, they are not completely altruistic. She may perform heroic feats defying the odds, but it is usually to protect her own

The chore that lay ahead of me was how to convince the young lieutenant that she was part of the fleet and the whole human race was now her family. It will be an overwhelming task to convince one so untrusting, but I am not alone.

"Do you think you could convince her to speak with you about her powers and what she can do, why she is doing what she is doing?"

Gage nodded thoughtfully as the spark ignited within. I hoped to fan the flames of that fire as he answered confidently. "Yes."

"How can you be so sure?" I asked.

"I'm one of the first she told of them."

I listened with rapt attention to the account of discovering her ability on accident on a midnight shift. He had thought he had a malfunctioning scanner when she simply disappeared, only to reappear at the same coordinates fifteen or so centons later. It was on another late shift that he assumed Rene had committed suicide in order to escape Dante's punishments. Her viper vanished from the scanner and as the centons dragged on, her return seemed unlikely. A centaur later, she had reappeared. He left the bridge to meet her on landing. When confronted she hadn't denied her disappearance, only stated that he wouldn't believe it. He had pressed for answers.

"I was mostly concerned about her mental well being. She walks a thin edge of sanity and often pushes others over the line, on both sides of sane or insane. I was worried about her dragging down others with her, but she agreed to show me. I still didn't believe it even after seeing it with my own eyes."

"What did she use it for then?" Adama asked, truly curious as to Rene's motivation.

"We agreed to use it to find those we had left behind. From there it was covert missions back to points on our journey where we lost others, but she didn't know then if she could bring anything larger than a viper through. When she failed to find the others, she began using it for long range reconnaissance. Without her advance warnings, we would not have lasted on Dilmun. With the advantage of intelligence, we won most of the battles. We had reached a stalemate when she found you."

"So what my son has planned is not that different from what she has done with her ability in the past?"

Gage had set down his drink and leaned into the conversation, his features animated with the possibilities. "No sir, it's not, but I am more curious in Peryton's hopes for increasing our speed. It's almost as if we could jump forward in time. We never had the luxury of exploring what she can do as we were too fearful of what Dante might do with her if he knew about it. But now," he paused, looking out the viewport at the ships around the Galactica.

"Once the baby is born," I reminded him.

"Yes, of course, but it won't be long now."

He was correct. We did not have that much longer to wait to see what the future would hold. We spent the rest of the evening discussing our own visions for what would be needed to insure the safety of the fleet. He had several novel ideas for mining corridors of space near a planet, including the idea of creating asteroid fields. We ended on a positive note that lifted both of our spirits.

I found sleep easy to find that night with a light heart and a promising future. They were some of the best centaurs of sleep I had had in sectars. If only they could have lasted longer. I was awakened from pleasant dreams far too soon.


	2. Chapter 2

Just a little warning…an R rated chapter….

It was a warm summer night and the water from the pool felt wonderful. What felt even better was the thrill of sneaking in to the academy past the arrogant cadets guarding the gate who thought their mong was made of gold clusters, when in reality the baby faced cadets were only a yahren or two older than her, and not any smarter.

They tried to convince Ari to join them. Her shy brother blushed and turned away as she and her friends began to strip off their clothes. He was so hooked on Kalea he was paralyzed by the wanting. He played the gentleman and stood guard outside the fence, his back turned. He had turned noble since joining the Academy. Or maybe he just wanted to show off in his uniform that Kalea had fawned over.

Rene shook her head turning away from him to grin at Jake. The water was warm and delicious against her skin and she waited for Jake to swim to her. A rare smile was on his features as he too loved the thrill of sneaking in and doing unspeakable things in the Academy pool. They both treaded water, sharing the wicked emotion of the moment. He reached for her and playfully she swam away, diving for the drain at the bottom of the deep end. Her ears popped at the depth before reaching it. As her fingers brushed the grate, the bottom of the pool bloomed red. She spun in shock to look up to Jake, but instead of her friend, there was a man in the water. He floated arms spread, silhouetted in blood as another explosion colored the water the blood red. The man's white robes billowed in the water. His smile was radiant against the dark sky above.

"You won't cheat me this time." The words echoed in the water, spilling into her head.

Her only means of escape was to turn away and swim down deeper. Her lungs burned as she pulled at the grate, but it wouldn't give way. She felt a current of water rush past her as the water drained away in an instant and she was falling, landing face down in the muck of the sewer. She scrambled to get up, confused and lost in the dark, her clothes soaked and clinging to her. Where had she put them on? She had been swimming with her clothes by the side of the pool. She spun her head taking in the tunnels of the sewer wondering how she got here.

"Move!" Ari pushed her towards the shadows. She wanted to reach for her brother, but then she heard the drone behind her instinctually began racing down the tunnel, chasing the safety of the darkness, forgetting that it was no safer there than in the light. Ahead was the ladder up, and she leapt for it, climbing so fast that her wet sneakers slipped on the rungs, but she held on. The heavy cover to the sewer shifted aside and a hand reached down. She looked up to the man clad in white. His smile beckoned to her, but above him was the silver gleam of a centurion. She let go of the ladder, dropping back down, landing hard as her feet slid out from under her, and she plunged back into the muck.

Hands reached for her, pulling her to her feet. There were people all around and the press of the crowd was stifling with the smell of unwashed bodies and fear. Laser fire sizzled above her head and she looked around disoriented. Centurions exchanged fire with an unseen enemy, then they fell one by one. There was roar of turbos as vipers screamed overhead. A landram pulled up to the gates, Colonial markings boldly visible. The men on the vehicle were warriors, their clean uniforms golden against the mud colored sky. The shoulders of one bore shining epaulets, his hair jet black. He stood like an avenging angel, the man in white by his side. He pointed and the crowd parted, the men firing clearing a path. The man in white strode to her, his robes impossibly spotless amongst the grimy crowd.

"You have what I want." His voice cut the air, sizzling like the laser blasts around her.

She turned to run, but there were too many people in her way. She pushed at them as they pushed her back. A hard blow knocked her to the ground, and she landed in the mud. She tried to bring her head back up, but it was so heavy. She reached out trying to grab onto someone, but the crowd was gone. She was alone on a dark night. Flames were all around her as a heavy rain poured down streaming into her eyes. She heard an explosion behind her. She looked over her shoulder as he stepped out of the darkness, unscathed as the fire flared. He was bright white against the dark night sky and as his hands moved, the flames grew higher.

"You can't escape me. I own your soul."

"I got a new one," she mumbled as she tried to stand, her feet slipping on the wet ground. She crashed down into cold hard cement. She struggled to raise her head, her back burning from where he touched her, the smell of blood heavy in the air.

"You are mine." His voice echoed against the brig's walls, the bars rattling with the force of it.

She closed her eyes, muttering to herself, "No I'm not. I'm free." A hand touched her, but when she looked, it wasn't Jake or Starbuck reaching through the bars for her. It was Count Iblis pulling at her jacket, commanding her, "Come to me."

She struggled to crawl away, the pain in her back unbearable, her right arm collapsing underneath her. She closed her eyes as a shiver tore through her body. She felt the blood pooling beneath her.

"This isn't real." She heard her own voice echoing off the walls of her cell. She shivered again as the floor grew ice cold. She opened her eyes to a different scene. The room was a blinding white, walls all around, a soft voice calling to her.

"Rene? Are you okay?"

She looked up into Starbuck's blue eyes, but what she saw there was worry, pain and hopelessness. His uniform was gone, a ragged old hunting sweater in its place. He was bruised and bleeding, trying to hold on to her. Then a shock went through him and he jerked away, falling painfully hard to the floor, his body convulsing.

"No. Make it stop!" she shouted, and a robed figure leaned towards her, his smile surprisingly warm and human despite the chill of the cell.

"He will pay until you give me what I want. They all will." His hand reached for the button, pressing as Starbuck yelped before his muscles went tight as he shook.

"NO!"

The shout shattered the scene around her as she jerked away from the arms trying to hold her. She gasped at the feel of the water, spinning her head around, looking for the incoming raider in the night sky. She looked behind her, towards the fence for a last look at Ari, but he wasn't there. The bright golden glow of the Rising Star's lights and yellow hued walls confused her.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. It's just me." Starbuck's voice brought her back to the present. "You're okay. You just fell asleep, it's okay."

She nodded her head, feeling it wobble on her neck uncertainly still trying to figure out why she was warm, wet and naked. She latched on to his voice, seeking his eyes.

"You're okay. I'm here. You're on the Rising Star. Wake up, Rene."

She let the words penetrate the haze of her dream, holding onto his voice like a lifeline, bobbing her head again in acceptance of the safety they offered. "Just a dream," she mumbled. His hands held her shoulders, his grip strong and real.

"Probably wasn't the best idea to let you fall asleep in the tub, but damn it felt nice and…you're okay?"

"Yeah," she mumbled looking around trying to orient herself. He spun her to look at him.

"You're on the Rising Star. In the honeymoon suite, with me. Still a little lost?"

She tried to take a deep breath. "Yeah, no, I know where I am." She shook her head and leaned into his arms, resting her head back on his chest. "You're safe."

"Of course I am. I always make it. That's what the heroes do, with pretty girls in their arms," he said tightening his hold on her. "I think you might be right though about getting out. I am wrinkled everywhere and I don't want you to get a preview of what the yahrens have in store for you when I get old."

He gently moved her from him and stepped out of the tub, reaching for one of the big fluffy towels, wrapping it around his waist as he reached for another, holding it open for her. She stepped out and back into his arms as he wrapped the towel around her.

"How about we get some lunch and see what they have in the way of entertainment, at least until I get my second wind. We have a whole suite to explore."

She didn't move, keeping her head against his chest, letting his heartbeat bring her back to the present. He kept his arms around her, content to stay there all day if she wanted. She took deep breaths to bring her heart rate back down, waiting for it to settle into a normal rhythm before she pulled away.

He didn't speak, just reached for her robe on the floor, helping her into it before he reached for his own, wrapping it absently before reaching for her hand and leading them out into the bedroom. The bed had been made with all the pillows arranged artfully. His dress uniform was hanging up neatly and her dress was laid across a chair, the buttons piled up on the dressing table by the chair. He chuckled when he saw the pile.

"Think they found them all?"

"You're still answering to Vanna for that," she warned. He just grinned as he guided her out to the main room to a sofa before going to the comm and ordering up soup and sandwiches. She tried one of the strategies Dixon had taught her, clearing her mind, just concentrating on her breaths, in on the count of four, holding for the count of five, releasing on the count of six.

He sat down beside her, waiting quietly for her to open her eyes before wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close. "Wicked dream?"

She nodded slowly.

"Want to talk about it?"

She shook her head no and he nodded in acceptance before reaching for the data pad for the entertainment system. "Wow, they have a lot of vids. How about this one?"

She tried speaking, a simple "Yeah, that's a good one," that came out soft and hoarse. He cued it up and they watched the intro to a classic from their childhood, a story of heroes of old and the uniting of the twelve worlds. It was full of action and somewhat comedic, but the hero was handsome and the ladies were fair. It felt comfortable as they both settled in to watch. They were twenty centons into the vid when lunch arrived. She wasn't hungry but Starbuck insisted.

"Doc said I needed to fatten you up and I don't like to eat alone." He pulled up a low table, loading it up with the food. "You want to tell me about the dream?" he asked again, focusing on the food, but she knew that was an act. When he dug for information, he pretended it wasn't important.

She didn't want to talk about it, but knew she was being too quiet, trying to pull the pieces of it apart. Dixon was right, talking wouldn't hurt anything. "It was about Iblis."

Starbuck froze, a sandwich halfway to his open mouth, before moving the food back to the plate. "What about Iblis?"

"I was dreaming about the destruction and he was there on that night, and then he was in the brig on Dilmun, and then…" she shook her head, already not remembering how it ended.

"What was he doing?"

She wanted to tell him it was just a dream, but they both knew better. Her dreams were sometimes prophetic. This dream didn't feel like that, but she never knew until some things came true. Some things never came true. It was frustrating.

"It's not an exact science," she muttered to him.

He raised his eyebrows at that. "No, but he doesn't show up in your dreams often, does he?"

"No." She shook her head and looked down at the plate of food that she didn't have the stomach for anymore. "Only when he wants something. I thought he was gone. I thought I got rid of him when I cheated him."

"When he showed up before, did you give him what he asked for?"

The anger rose up fast and hot as she met his eyes. She'd been desperate with few options and none of them a good choice. "I cheated him, didn't I? From what I heard, you took what he offered."

It was his turn to look down. He nodded slowly before looking back up. "He was very persuasive and I don't always earn the gold clusters."

His admission doused her rage. He met her eyes again. "What does he want now?"

She shook her head. "It was just a dream. It doesn't mean anything."

"That's what we tried to tell you about the ones you were having about Caprica." His voice sounded odd, like an out of range transmission half caught on the comline.

His point was fair and accurate. He deserved the truth. "He wants the same thing as before. He wants what I can do and where I can take him. When he shows up, usually John isn't far behind."

"John?" Starbuck's eyes clouded over as if he were trying to remember something but couldn't. "You've not mentioned him before. What does he want?"

She sighed. "He doesn't want anything. He just shows me things and then sits back and watches. I can't figure out his angle on all this, but he doesn't deliver on his promises either and I don't appreciate being in the middle."

"Do you know who John is?" he asked, looking away again, picking up his sandwich.

"Do you?"

He was still looking away when he answered. "He is with the ship of lights. You said you had seen the ship of lights." He took a bite, letting her know this wasn't going to be a two way conversation. He wanted answers.

"In dreams. You've seen it in reality?"

He nodded and she waited for him to chew and swallow. "It's usually followed by passing out and waking up somewhere else, so you don't see it for long. But yeah, I've been inside it, but I don't remember much, just that Apollo was dead and then," he looked up to the ceiling as if searching for the words. "Then we were there on the shuttle and he was alive. I just remember it being all white and I think I offered to trade my life, but," he shook his head not finishing the sentence.

"They can bring people back?" She felt her breath catch on the fragment of hope.

He heard it in her voice and he put down the food, turning to face her. "I'm not sure it works that way, Rene. Iblis had killed Apollo when he got in the way of him killing Sheba. Apollo sacrificed himself and the beings in white said something about it not being his time. He wasn't dead for long."

She let out the breath she had been holding in a defeated sigh. "So neither of them can give me what I want then. They need to get the frack out of my head and leave me alone."

He nodded slowly, reaching out his hand to stroke her cheek. She wanted to jerk away from his touch as it held too much pity for her to take.

"I'm not crazy," she said reaching for his hand to still his touch.

"I know," his eyes gazed deep into hers in his effort to convince her that he understood. It helped to think he might believe her that she was sane and none of this was just hallucinations. She let go of his hand, and he resumed stroking her cheek.

"We're quite a pair, aren't we? Neither of us sleeping much, too much going on in our heads. So let's just take it a cycle at time, what do you say?"

She nodded but it felt like giving up. She didn't know exactly what it was she was supposed to be doing, but she knew it was something more than just sitting around waiting for them to take a slow route to Earth.

Starbuck read her impatience. "Okay, so let's say we take a break for these couple of cycles, and then we go back and we look into what you can do, how you do it. Peryton says he can create it without you, so let him. We let others play around with it, just until the baby is born and then Apollo has a plan. It's one I can live with because it involves all of us going into your rift together. We would be together and we go find a home where our kids can be safe. Deal?"

"Deal," he answered, leaning forward to kiss him to seal the pact. It was an easy agreement to make as it seemed to ease something within her new husband.

He pulled away with a fresh smile on his features and he dove into the food. She wished it could be that easy for her, but she'd never been able to control the dreams. If she could, she would have stopped them long ago. Of course, then she never would have found the route to Dilmun or found the Galactica and the fleet.

"Why me?" she thought to herself. There had never been any reason why they chose her. She had asked the question often, but neither John nor Iblis ever gave her an answer. It left her wondering if others had the same dreams and they were just better at ignoring them. She knew that might actually be the case based on the dreams she had before Caprica of images that were not part of her memories, but the memories of others. "If they can ignore them, so can I," she decided, renewing her resolve to accept Starbuck's attitude. She had earned them these few days off from all the worries and concerns of the family and the fleet. They were hers to enjoy.

Starbuck pushed a sandwich on her and demanded that she eat as well. She tried to, reminding herself that she needed to regain her strength before she took on any new missions. Starbuck was right, there wasn't much she could do for now but rest and remind all the beings in her head that she could only do so much.

Once they were done eating, Starbuck settled back pulling her into his arms and restarted the vid. It didn't take long for him to doze off and she tried to memorize the moment, to store it away in her brain for when things turned bad like they always did. It had been bad on Caprica, very bad, but they made it. She was here in a luxurious suite wearing the fluffiest bathrobe ever with the arms of a very handsome man wrapped around her.

He woke when the vid ended, the closing music rousing him. "Mmm, that was a nice nap. I think I have my second wind." He smiled down at her mischievously. She matched his grin, sliding a hand under his robe knowing what she wanted this time. He pulled her to him and began kissing her neck as he stretched out on the sofa with her on top of him. The vid started up again, but neither of them paid it any attention. She took her time, exploring his body with her lips and her hands. Finally, it was his turn to grumble, "Stop teasing me. I want you."

She didn't make him wait like he sometimes did with her like it was a challenge. They fit together easily and she leaned into the passion, letting it chase away any thoughts other than how his body felt when it was with hers. She focused all her attention on making Starbuck speak to her in his sighs, moans and gasps. She marveled at how he could throw himself wholeheartedly into the moment. Nothing existed for him but how his body felt here and now. She wondered briefly why it felt so decadent to want to be able to have the time to make love properly? She tried not to wonder when they would have this kind of time again or if they would be back to frantic half fraks in the stolen moments before sleep overtook them from their long exhausting days.

"Don't think," she reminded herself again, trying to mimic Starbuck's lascivious smile as his lips found another spot she didn't know could feel so good to be kissed. His lips worked like a drug, chasing away the pain.

The vid was ending when they slowed down.

"I always did like that story," Starbuck mused.

"That was nice," she murmured as sleep threatened to steal up on her. She fought it off, looking up to stare into his eyes.

He reached for the remote, flicking off the vid. "Was? I'm not done yet."

"Starbuck," she plaintively teased, but he shocked the rest of the words from her as he swiftly moved, rolling her over, shifting her as he moved on top. He took the opportunity of her surprise, kissing her while she gasped. Once she caught her breath, he moved again, rolling her over to where he was behind her, a position he had never really tried with her before. The shift in the arrangement of their bodies startled her. He pressed down upon her and she couldn't move caught between him and the cushions beneath her. His sudden strength of movement and hurried pace woke up a hidden fear deep inside. She was trapped. Dark memories filled her vision, and she tasted blood on her tongue. As Starbuck reached to shift her hips, she was able to get a hand beneath her, to push against the sofa as she found a voice from her past.

"No!"

He didn't seem to hear her at first, or like so many other men, simply ignored her protest, intent on his purpose. Maybe she hadn't spoken? She didn't know if she had as the old fears played out in her mind of her small body beneath a man so much larger and stronger than she. In the past she would have stayed quiet, shut her eyes and hoped it would end soon. But then there was a time when she fought, and sometimes won. That urgency to put an end to the pain increased and gave her the strength to begin to fight, to push away.

"No!" She knew she spoke this time as he stopped moving for a moment. She took the opportunity to try to push up and away. She gagged at the old sensation of being choked, the voices from her past gravelly in her ear and contradictory as they told her, "Stay still. Or fight. I like a good fight."

Panic rose as she recognized the voice as Agenors. She struggled to get away, pushing against the couch to throw him off. The pressure of his body on hers let up, but his hands still held her.

"Rene?"

Starbuck's voice pierced through the fear and she tried to remember where she was. "He doesn't know," some part of her spoke the words of advice to her.

"Get off me. Get off me now."

She tried to keep her voice calm but suspected she failed by how quickly he moved rolling his body to the back of the couch. The release of pressure was a relief, but she began to shake anyway, tremors she couldn't control. She still felt Agenor on top of her, his meat hands grabbing at her, his breath on her neck.

"Rene?! What's wrong? What did I do wrong?"

She felt his hand grip her arm, but the pressure was gentle, soothing, versus restraining. She held her position, trying to breathe through the panic, not wanting to admit that she was waiting for a blow to land on her body.

She tried to breathe, to remember where she was, who she was with. "He doesn't know." The words kept replaying in her head. His grip on her arm shifted, and he began to stroke lightly.

She finally found the ability to move and she slowly shifted back to put the sofa at her back, but she didn't meet his eyes at first.

"Rene? What just happened?" he asked, his voice surprisingly composed. He reached tentatively for her chin, guiding her gaze to his own.

"You've never…" she started, then halted unsure how to describe what he had just tried. Her friends understood when she called it "the Colonial way to frak" but he wouldn't. He'd find the words deeply offensive and irrationally she didn't want to upset him, not now.

"Not a good position?" he stated frankly.

She shook her head emphatically, grateful that he understood. "No. Not good."

"Okay," he said as if checking off a preflight list. "Noted for the record. You're right, we have never, and…uh…I just thought to try something new…but not a problem. Off the menu from now on."

She nodded, wanting to explain to him, but unsure how much to share. It seemed wrong to sully their time together with anything Agenor or the others had done to her.

"I should have known. Dante's desk in his office and on the Zakar is set up…" he abruptly stopped speaking perhaps noticing the shiver that ran up her spine.

She closed her eyes as she whispered, "I'm sorry." A tear escaped as she tried to blink it back.

"Hey, no, it's okay. Not your fault. I should have asked first. I took you by surprise. I know better. Not that way, got it."

"I'm sorry," she said again.

"There are two hundred other ways to do this. I can live without that one," he said, reaching out to guide her chin and her gaze back to him. "You let me know what you are okay with, and what you aren't, alright? This is no fun if you don't, and I'll try not to take you by surprise."

She nodded.

"Can I kiss you?"

He waited for her to answer yes before he gave her a soft kiss. She reached around his head to pull him back down for another, and another, frantic to go back to the moment before the fear and panic wanting to wash the dark memories away.

He pulled back. "You sure? Maybe we should stop for a while."

But she didn't let him, reaching to kiss him deeply. She was gratified when it worked, taking them back to the place of pleasure and love instead of the one of panic and pain.

Afterwards he held her tenderly, not letting go until she suggested that maybe they find another vid or some music. He let her disengage and put on his own robe. She watched him as he scrolled through the entertainment files and she regretted that she had broken the mood. In all their times together, he had never pushed her. She couldn't help thinking back to their first time alone in the Landram, and then later on beach of her favorite planet. Even in a moment of passion he had taken the time to make sure it was what she wanted. He would never hurt her, not even by accident. The realization made her burn with shame.

He cued up a vid, another action movie, and pulled her back into his arms. She wanted to tell him again that she was sorry, but he smiled down at her obviously enjoying himself. "I forgot this is one of my favorites." He pulled her closer and his strong arms reminded her that he was on her side. She let sleep in, hoping when she woke the awkward silence she had created would have faded.

The door chime woke her, and Starbuck cursed pausing the vid that was almost over. "I put it on 'Do not disturb.' This had better be important."

He tightened the sash on his robe as he opened the door. It was Vanna, but she waved tickets in front of her. "There's a performance in the Astral Lounge and I got you two front row tickets!"

Starbuck stepped in front of her, blocking her and the cameraman trailing her from entering the suite. "We have all the entertainment we need right here. We are not going out tonight."

"Not even for a show? What about if we gave you some credit at the chancery or…"

"No. Now get out."

"But Lieutenant, don't you want the fleet to share in your happiness?" Vanna tried playing upon his altruism. He looked back to Rene who rolled her eyes while shaking her head.

"Just give them a few shots or they are not going to leave us alone," she said.

"And what do we get for giving in? They just hound us some more, like they're doing right now!" He turned back to Vanna, putting up his hands to physically push her from the room.

"Alright, alright, but we brought dinner. Could we at least just get one shot of the two you over a candle light meal? Just one and then I promise, you won't hear a peep from us again."

"Depends. What's for dinner?"

"Bovine steaks and grilled mushrooms with sea scallops," Vanna tempted.

Starbuck considered for a moment enjoying making Vanna sweat. "Alright, fine. One shot, just one, then you go."

Vanna went into action, wheeling in the cart, setting up a table with the cloth and cutlery, lighting the candle and telling Starbuck and Rene where to sit and how to pose with the vino glasses raised. "Oh just perfect. You look divine."

They took more than a few shots and Starbuck was indulgent until she began to ask questions as to how the honeymoon was going. "It would be better if we were left ALONE! You're done. Get out."

Vanna rolled her eyes. "Really lieutenant, you think you would be more gracious as we are paying for this."

"Nope, we earned it. Now go before I give you a real show." He reached for the sash on his robe, beginning to undo the knot.

Vanna leered at him for just a moment before gesturing to the cameraman to pack up. "Really lieutenant, you can be so extraordinary. Enjoy your evening."

Starbuck just shook his head at their departure, before sitting back down to the meal before them. "I haven't had this much food in sectars. I'm not sure I can eat anymore."

Rene laughed and he perked up at the sound of it. "We can't let it go to waste. Maybe tomorrow they'll actually leave us alone."

"Wanna make a bet? Odds are they'll be ringing the door chime by early morning. You know, we could sneak out and head home, where we might actually get some privacy."

"I like the tub here," she said, cutting into the steak. "And we can't hear the chime in the turbo."

"Good point. Sounds like a great way to spend our evening." He raised a toast to her suggestion.

Once the meal was done, they both looked at each other as if wondering what to do next. Truth be told, she would have liked to have seen the band in the lounge or played a few hands of seven-eleven, but Starbuck had made up his mind, and she wasn't going to contradict him. They settled back on the sofa and Starbuck scrolled through the vids again. It was still early, but she kept yawning. Being pregnant was starting to catch up to her, or was it still her recovery from Caprica? Whatever it was, lately her energy waned after dinner. Starbuck cued up another vid that neither of them saw much of as they both dozed off, waking when it ended.

"Should we enjoy that tub again and get some sleep? Maybe tomorrow we'll hit the club and catch a triad game, what do you say?"

She smiled and said sweetly, "Whatever you like dear."

His eyes flashed at the hidden challenge in her words. "Oh really? Is that so? I think I'm going to like marriage if that's the answer to everything."

"Well, keep suggesting things I like and this will go your way." She stood up reaching for his hand to lead him to the turbo and the waiting tub.

"You mean your way. I've been warned that how it's supposed to go. Do it her way or suffer the consequences, I was told." He took her hand following.

"Happy wife, happy life," she teased as they entered the room and she undid her robe, letting it fall from her shoulders.

"Happy husband, happy…nothing really rhymes with husband," he said, taking a long hard look at her. "I must say, marriage has improved my view of life."

"Has it now? And what about my view?" She liked the flirtatious banter and the way it made his eyes dance.

He slid the robe from one of his shoulders giving her a peek at his chest before he slid it back up. "Are you sure you can handle it?"

She laughed as she said, "No. The gold clusters are too bright for me."

"That they are. Avert your eyes," he said before dramatically flinging the robe from his shoulders. "Tada."

She shook her head, taking in the sight of him, including the still healing cuts, scrapes, bruises and bright red kisses Crius had left on him.

"Meh," she teased.

His eyes sparked at her word, as he swaggered towards her.

"You really have no shame, do you Starbuck?" she said.

"Far too many compromising situations to have any pride. And may you never hear about any of them," he said reaching for her shoulders before leaning down to kiss the side of her neck.

"I'm sure your old girlfriends and half the fleet will love filling me in."

"Let's keep them out of this and you keep your old boyfriends out of our quarters."

She teased him at his warning, "But you like him."

"I do. At a distance. Let's keep them all that way, in your distant past."

He concentrated on kissing her neck as she mumbled, "Yes dear."

"Mmm, music to my ears. Shall we enjoy that tub while it's still ours?"

She sighed a yes and let him help her in before he got in and she settled into his arms.

"I could get very used to this," she said as he went back to kissing her, his hands roaming.

"So could I, pretty lady," he said.

She let him have his way that night, it was his honeymoon after all. They eventually moved to the bed, where he dramatically tossed each pillow to the floor before going to retrieve a few of them. She wanted to cringe each time he asked if what he was doing was okay before he would move forward, but she masked it well with her teasing words of "Yes dear." She finally had to ask for him to stop, uncertain if he would if she didn't suggest it. He'd worn her out and she was so tired she doubted she even had the energy to dream.

"Did I do good?" he mumbled into her ear as she started to fall asleep on his chest.

"Yes dear," she murmured.

"Mmm, words I love to hear."


	3. Chapter 3

A loud chime jolted him awake from one of the best sleeps of his life. The chime was followed by a voice, pleasant in tone, the words incongruous to the abrupt interruption of his dreams.

"Lt. Starbuck you are needed in the docking lounge for a security emergency."

"Huh? What?" he mumbled wiping at his eyes before fumbling for his chrono on the table beside the bed. "One in the morning? Why me?"

The chime sounded again, with the same message. "Argh, alright, doesn't this ship have its own security? Where the frack is Reece when you need him." He rolled over to tell Rene to stay here, he'd be back as soon as he could, but she was up and pulling on clothing.

"Where are you going?" he asked just beginning to pull himself out of the covers. "They know I'm aboard and are just deferring to the military rather than the fleet security. Those guys are idiots."

Rene shook her head. "I'm still coming with you."

"You don't have to. They just know a warrior is aboard. No need for both of us to lose some sleep," he grumbled as he reached for his luggage, rummaging for a uniform. He had pulled on his pants and was reaching for his tunic when there was a pounding on the door to the suite.

"This had better be good, like a riot or something." He grabbed his boots and sprinted for the door as the pounding increased, his shirt and boots in his hands.

He slid the door open to find Boomer about to pound again. Starbuck's heart leapt with a surge of adrenalin. It had to be serious to have brought the dark Lieutenant from the Galactica. "What are you doing here? What's wrong?"

"Jake got jumped," Boomer said quickly, but the words made little sense to Starbuck.

"Jumped? What do you mean?"

Having joined him at the door, Rene was quicker to add meaning to the words, asking, "Where? When? Is he okay?"

Boomer quickly turned from Starbuck, answering her. "He was attacked on the Gemini Freighter while waiting for a connecting shuttle over to the Starakis for a party. A shuttle pilot put in the call saying that he was injured and needed medical attention, but we don't know how bad. He's being brought here for transport to the Galactica. I was able to hop a shuttle just before it left to get here."

"He got into another fight? I told him not to go traipsing all over the fleet alone," Starbuck grumbled dragging his tunic over his head before bending down to put on his boots.

"I don't think that's what happened," Boomer said. "I was there when the call came in from the freighter. They said two Warriors were attacked. They didn't mention a fight, just that they were jumped and injured pretty badly."

At Boomer's words, Rene dropped the boots in her hands and took off for the docking lounge at a full run. "Wait for us!" Starbuck shouted after her to no avail.

Boomer reached for her boots, adding more information. "He wasn't alone. Nik was with him and he's hurt too, but at least he's able to walk according to the shuttle pilot."

"What the frack? What happened? The Gemini freighter has always been rough, but not this bad."

"We don't know much. The first call came in to the Galactica, the shuttle pilot en route to the Rising Star looking for a medic. Then the freighter called to report the incident. I happened to be on the bridge and there was a shuttle departing. The pilot took off before I could tell him to wait for the medics."

Starbuck left his boots unbuckled as he started down the corridor after his wife, Boomer by his side. "Why didn't they just transport him to the Galactica if he's that bad?"

"Civilian shuttle pilot. He didn't want to mess with his route around the fleet for one injured man. Adama declared a holiday, and the shuttles have been busy and I don't think the pilot realized Jake and Nik are warriors," Boomer said, before shouting for Rene to hold the lift doors open.

Starbuck read the hesitation in her eyes before she reached a hand out to stop the doors closing. He and Boomer slipped inside and she punched the button to get the lift moving.

"How bad is he?" he asked Boomer as he leaned down to buckle his boots.

Boomer shook his head. "Bleeding and not walking, that's all we know."

"Frak. What happened? Who else was with them?" Starbuck wanted to reach out to Rene who was rocking on her feet as if that would speed up the lift. Boomer handed her the boots and she bent down to put them on.

"Jolly was going with them, but I found out he got delayed and took a different shuttle," Boomer added.

"They didn't have a Colonial with them?" Rene's eyes shifted from her boots to Boomer. "I fraking told them to stay with a Colonial."

"What? Why do they have to do that?" Starbuck asked, having missed that edict and wondering when Rene had issued the order.

She straightened up, a hard look on her face. "Since Salik let us out of the Life Center and we had to get rid of everything from Caprica."

The lift doors opened but Starbuck reached out a hand, gripping her shoulder and spinning her back to face him. "Why is that? What's going on?"

Rene closed her eyes briefly, and he saw the wall slide up, steel gray against the blue of her eyes. He shook his head. "No. No lies, Rene. I know you guys didn't get rid of everything. What's going on?"

Her lips tightened, but her shoulders sagged in resignation. "Pallus and Brody. I cut them off and they're not happy about it. They have friends, but they're not stupid enough to do anything with a Colonial Warrior around, your fracking code of honor and all that. But if they catch us alone, they won't hold back how displeased they are, so we make sure there's always a Colonial around."

"Cut off?" He was a little slow having just been pulled away from sleep. "Are we talking about what I think we are? What have you been supplying them with? If it's what I think we're talking about, they aren't following the Colonial Creed."

"Everything I could get my hands on, uppers, downers, narcotics. Good stuff. They sell most of it, I think."

"Dammit, Rene!"

She shook off his hold at the words, brushing past him to exit the lift and head for the docking lounge. Starbuck cursed before following her, too angry to form words. By the time he found something to say other than obscenities, they were in the docking lounge that was full of people waiting for a shuttle ride home.

"He's on the next shuttle," Boomer offered into their tense silence.

Starbuck wanted to lecture her, but also knew it was pointless. The words were too late, and if she was being honest with him, she was trying to put an end to a bad decision she made earlier. "What were you thinking giving them drugs? You don't even like Pallus and Brody."

She cringed for a moment before speaking. "They didn't give me much of a choice."

"And you didn't think to tell anyone they were threatening you? When are you going to learn to ask for some help?" Starbuck heavily emphasized the double meaning of the word help.

Rene rolled her eyes at him. "Look, we were all hooked on something. How do you think Dante got people to agree with him on some of what he did? He controlled the supply and the dosage and some of the felgercarb he put in us was highly addictive. You don't just quit that cold, not without some repercussions. And some don't want to quit."

"Speaking for yourself?" he asked. He thought she had kicked her stim habit after Caprica, but he knew it wasn't by her choice.

She didn't answer his question, turning her eyes to the airlock and the hopes of a shuttle docking soon.

"So, what, you were helping them out of the goodness of your heart?" he asked sarcastically.

"You didn't seem to mind enjoying the profits," she replied, before hastily adding, "I quit giving them anything and I don't have access to more. I didn't have a problem until I cut them off. Are you happy now?"

He ran his hand through his hair as he turned away. He wasn't happy with any of it. She had begun a dangerous game, and now it was time to tally the score.

"You sure it was Pallus or Brody?" Boomer asked. "Maybe we should wait and ask Jake and Nik. It could be someone else. Jake has made a name for himself around the fleet. It could just be as simple as a mugging or a fight that got out of hand."

Starbuck knew Boomer had a point, but he doubted that was it. Jake hadn't earned a profit for his performance at the celebration, but he had been broadcast for the whole fleet to know who he was. He had already been visiting various ships, and he was known for his music. People generally liked Jake. Starbuck couldn't deny the kid had a surly side and Jake knew how to fight, but he tended to keep that to the Galactica. It could be anything that led to him being jumped, but most of the fleet respected the Warriors. The civilians knew it was the Galactica and her personnel that kept them alive and fed.

"Pallus has uttered a few threats to me recently. He's needing a fix for himself, so I wouldn't put anything past him," she answered, eyes still glued to the airlock.

"I can't believe you guys gave in to that felgercarb," Starbuck muttered, wishing he had kept his mouth shut as Rene shot him a glare.

"You ever fly on full stims before?" she asked.

He thought it might be rhetorical, but in truth they had all been on stims for several sectons after the destruction. They had to in order to stay awake while running back to back patrols. At first it felt great, like you could beat the whole Cylon empire, but then it began to take a toll and your nerves got jumpy, your eyes gritty, and without some sleep, a whole lot worse happened.

"Yeah, I have, but the body can't take it for very long. You can't keep throwing junk like that into the turbos," he replied.

"Says the man who smokes fumarellos and chugs ambrosia," Boomer added.

"Hey, that's just to clean out my exhaust pipes. I try to keep this motor clean as the end goal is to die an old man with lots of pretty ladies around," he jibed back.

"Well when you're working twelve to sixteen centaur days and then running the midnight picket patrol because you're low man on the flight roster, and nobody really cares if you live or die, then you tell me whether you'd be up for a few chemical enhancements to the old motor or if you'll stick to the slogan of 'Just say no'," Rene added sarcastically. "It's hard to quit when they keep throwing them at you."

"Things are different now, and I'm pretty sure Dante wasn't asking Phallus to run midnight pickets, so what's his excuse?" he snapped back.

"It was required, Starbuck. You didn't get the chance to say no." Her low voice carried a warning that she was done discussing why they used, but he wasn't letting her dodge the issue.

"And you guys were hooked before the destruction. But you have all had several sectars to get the crap out of your system, or at least ask for some help."

She didn't reply, just glared at the airlock.

"You've quit, right? You're not on the stims, are you?"

She still didn't tear her eyes away from the door as she answered, "Yeah, I've quit."

Her words were almost drowned out by the announcement that the shuttle from the Gemini Freighter was docking. Not many people were able to depart before people were pushing to board. Through the crowd Starbuck glimpsed Nik's dark hair. Starbuck pushed his way through to find Nik struggling to drag Jake's dead weight through the crowd. Starbuck flung the kid's arm around his neck, pulling him up over his shoulder. He wasn't fully conscious and Starbuck was thankful when Boomer took up Jake's other side. Rene pushed aside the crowd, guiding Starbuck towards a bench, ordering those who were seated to get up and move away.

"Why isn't security with you guys?" Starbuck asked Nik. "Someone should have been helping you."

Jake roused a little yelping as they sat him down. Starbuck sat with him, holding him up while Rene kneeled in front of him assessing the damage. Starbuck took a quick glance at Nik noting the bloody nose and the black eye that was livid against Nik's pale skin.

"What happened?" he asked guiding Nik to sit down as well before he fell down.

"They came out of nowhere, at least six of them."

"You recognize any of them?" he asked, but Nik shook his head while wincing at the bright lights of the lounge.

"I told you not to go alone," Rene snapped not taking her eyes away from Jake. She reached up both hands to the kid's face, feeling around his eyes and cheeks before placing both hands on the side of his nose, jerking it back into position as he cried out. Starbuck reached out a hand to steady Jake as he leaned forward spitting blood. Rene scrambled back as he began to vomit.

"Concussion," she said looking up to meet Starbuck's concerned gaze. "When he's done, can you help me to get his head back. I need to make sure he has all his teeth or someone's going to have to go through the mess looking for them."

Starbuck nodded, already swallowing down bile at the prospect of having to chase down Jake's teeth. He helped Jake sit back up when he seemed to be done. Jake's face was a mess. Both eyes were beginning to swell. A cut across his eyebrow was bleeding profusely and his lip looked torn. His nose wasn't straight and a large bruise denting his cheek probably meant that the bone was broken.

"The shuttle to the Galactica is next," Boomer announced. "I'll go find a med kit. Can you walk, Nik?"

"Yeah," he mumbled.

"Why isn't security with you?" Starbuck asked Nik again.

"Security never showed up. I got help from some of the crew on the Freighter." Nik shrugged before continuing, wincing at the bright lights of the lounge. "They came out of nowhere. We were in the lounge alone and then they were there. They hit me over the head and then they dragged Jake off."

"What did they want? They rob you?" Starbuck asked, looking away from Jake as Rene reached up with her sleeve to wipe at Jake's mouth before tipping his head back, sweeping his mouth with her fingers. She pulled them out quickly as he gagged. She helped him get his head back down so he could spit out the blood without spitting on himself.

"All there," she said. "Some are loose, but they are there from what I can tell. Boomer, jacket."

Neither he nor Rene had bothered with theirs and now Starbuck regretted it as Jake shivered.

"Shock?"

"Yeah," Rene answered draping the jacket Boomer handed her over Jake's shoulders. It was then that Starbuck noticed that neither Jake or Nik were in uniform. They preferred to wear civilian clothes when they were headed into the fleet. He'd warned them against the practice knowing that the populace generally respected the Warriors and might take advantage of the Rats if they looked out of place.

"How many were there?" Starbuck asked Nik again, looking up to him. He didn't look much better than Jake with a blown pupil and a nose that was just as bloody.

Nik shook his head again, "five, six maybe. Big guys. I didn't get a good look."

"They rob you?" Starbuck asked, trying to think of some reason why two guys minding their own business might be attacked, hoping that it wasn't what Rene predicted.

"Yeah, I think so, but we didn't have that much on us."

"Were they warriors?"

Nik shook his head again, groaning.

Rene shifted her attention from Jake for a moment, stepping toward Nik to assess his injuries. She lifted his chin to get a look at his eyes. "He's got a concussion too. Where they hit you?"

"Back of the head. Jumped me first. I was out and down for the count. We had to track down Jake. They dragged him off, got him alone. He was out too."

"Shut up," Jake slurred, his head down still spitting out blood. "The code."

She shifted her attention back to Jake, straddling the mess in front of him as she reached for his hands. "You see them at all?"

Nik nodded and Starbuck asked, "Who was it?"

Nik shook his head as he shrugged. "Saw one, maybe two. Didn't know them."

"A bunch of mother frakers." Jake's words were garbled before he yelped in pain pulling a hand back, cradling it against his chest.

"Broken knuckle on the right. Dislocated a finger. Left hand is broken."

Boomer handed Rene the med kit. She opened it, pulling out bandages as she handed Boomer a cold pack. "For Nik's eye," she said, reaching for another one, handing it to Starbuck. He hesitated, not knowing where it should go.

"Take your pick," she said before reminding him, "He's a pilot. Needs his eyes."

Starbuck tried to place the pack on one of Jake's eye, but he jerked his head away in pain. Rene reached and took the cold pack away from Starbuck.

"I got it. Forgot you don't like blood," she said in way of apology. "You do the heavy lifting."

He watched as Rene tried to get a pressure bandage over Jake's cut on his forehead, but Jake wasn't making sense. "Don't give 'em what they want. You wanna say no." Jake reached up to block her hand. Starbuck tried to help pull his hand back down while Jake cursed at him. "Fraking Colonials."

"Shuttle's here," Boomer said tapping her on the shoulder. She stepped back and Boomer reached for Jake's other arm as Starbuck hauled him to his feet, dragging him towards the shuttle.

"No! Wait. Rene?" Jake's head swiveled as he looked around blearily. He planted his feet, trying to pull away from Starbuck and Boomer.

"I need to see you! They'll get you," Jake shouted as he stumbled.

"Whoa there. I got you. She's right here. I'm not going to let anything happen to her." Starbuck wrapped an arm around Jake's waist holding him back while reaching for Rene to pull her into Jake's view. "Lead the way, Rene. See, she's right here. Everyone's safe."

Jake didn't stop struggling until he saw her as she stepped around Starbuck and offered her shoulder to Nik who was swaying on his feet. "Keep her safe. They'll get her," Jake mumbled, letting Starbuck and Boomer pull him towards the shuttle.

"First empty seats, we get you two laying down. Medics will be waiting for us?" Rene asked.

"I'll contact the Galactica and make sure," Boomer said as they followed Rene into the shuttle. The other warriors that had been waiting for the shuttle gave them a wide berth, although a couple of the guys offered to help. Starbuck appreciated the offer, hoping that Rene heard them as well and would come to understand that in the fleet, Warriors looked after each other. Her focus however was on her friends as she found them seats, cursing the dividers between them on the military shuttle. Nik mumbled that he was okay, and she shifted back to trying to stop the blood flowing from the cut above Jake's eye. He was disoriented as he kept asking Rene if she was alright.

"She's fine," Starbuck tried to reason with him while Rene shot a few more questions off to Nik.

"Whose party were you going to?"

"A guy we met on the Rising Star."

"A guy? You don't know his name? How many times have I told you guys, you need to stick close to the Colonials and the Galactica?" Rene had gone into what the teens in the family called "mom mode". Normally it made Starbuck chuckle, the hypocrisy of it as she was just as reckless as the teens most of the time. But this time it made him pause and think. Since she had first showed him Caprica, she had stayed close to home and he could only think of a few times she had gone anywhere alone, even on a venture to the landing bay or to the bridge she took someone with her.

"Jolly was coming with us, and Max, but they got hung up."

"So, you went on without them? Have you guys even been to the Starakis before?" She wrestled momentarily with Jake who was trying to back away from the pressure she was putting on his cut. "Jake, hold still. Starbuck, a little help here?"

He reached to hold Jake's head, but it just caused the kid to struggle more. "Come on, buddy, we're just trying to help." Jake shook his head out of his hands, flinging blood everywhere as he groaned and lowered his head to try to vomit again.

"Maybe just leave him be for now," Starbuck said looking up to see that they were almost to the Galactica, before shifting his gaze to Rene. He flinched when he saw her eyes as for a moment it was like seeing Iblis's true face when Apollo shot him with a blaster. Rene's features were a mix of rage and cold vengeance. He could literally see the scenarios for revenge playing out in her head.

"I'm sure security is on it," he said hoping to erase the evil intent. "They'll find who did this. They'll be punished."

He could hear Rene grinding her teeth before she grumbled, "Like you said, they're idiots. Plus, we know who did this, and I hardly call your brig a punishment with its soft blankets and three-square meals a day."

"You want us to go back to flogging?" He meant it sarcastically, but Rene nodded to his words. "Nik didn't recognize them. It could be anyone, but we'll find who did this. They'll be punished," he stated again, saving the argument about the brutality of flogging for another time. The shuttle had docked and the medics boarded before they could get Jake to his feet.

They struggled to get him on the stretcher as he fought the hands helping him. Starbuck barking at him to stand down just made the kid fight harder. He didn't stop fighting until Rene held his face so he looked her in the eyes as she cooed to him.

"Baby, you're hurt. Come on, Jake, let them help you. I can't go on without you, baby. Just let them have a look, okay?"

Rene kept cooing as she coaxed Jake on the stretcher. The kid kept a tight hold on her hand all the way to the Life Center as Starbuck trailed behind helping Nik get there on his own feet.

Cassie, Doctor Paye and Doctor Salik were waiting as well as the Commander, Colonel Gage, Crius and Nik's wife Dara.

Adama stepped forward in an effort to help, his features mirroring Rene's in many ways, concern mixed with anger. He guided Nik towards a bio bed.

"Sorry to disturb your honeymoon, Starbuck. I thought you would want to know and to meet the shuttle," Adama stated reaching out to help Nik get up on a bio bed. "What happened?"

Starbuck didn't answer right away, following Rene as she went with Jake into another room with Doctor Salik. She had a firm hold of Jake's hand and didn't seem to be letting go.

"Son?" Adama prompted.

Starbuck noted that it was Cassie that was helping Nik to lie down, getting his vitals and assessing the damage, before he turned to the Commander. Gage was ghosting the commander's footsteps while Crius stepped towards the other room to check on Jake. Dara had a hand on Nik's leg, but her attention was on Starbuck.

He spoke to Dara, "You might know more than we do. Where were they headed and why?"

She shook her head no and looked to Nik, "A gig. They were going to play at a party on the Starakis. I have no idea."

"You didn't think to ask?"

Dara shrugged and Starbuck shook his head. Not that he was one to judge he supposed, but Dara let Nik get away with a lot of things a wife probably shouldn't. It was the one relationship of the Rats he hadn't quite figured out. Dara had been on the Zakar before the destruction, a bridge officer. He could see the attraction, but Nik was a lousy husband in Starbuck's opinion, and much like Jake, a part time father when it suited him. Starbuck may not know much about being a husband and father, but he was going to win at it compared to Nik.

Crius stepped back to them sensing Starbuck's frustration and filled in more of the information. "They met a guy on the Rising Star, works in the kitchen, but lives on the Starakis. He was going to pay them for playing. How the hades did you wind up on the Gemini Freighter?" Crius asked Nik.

Nik recounted for the commander what had happened, how the only connection that night from the Starakis back to the Galactica was one from the Gemini Freighter to the Rising Star. "The gig went great. Had a great time but we went longer than we should have. We got to the Freighter late and it was a bit of a wait. The docking lounge was empty, and then a bunch of guys came up on us from behind. I didn't recognize them. They weren't in uniform. Might have been a robbery or something more. They dragged Jake away. We had to track down him down and his clothes."

"Fried Frak, are you serious?" Crius asked before turning to Starbuck. "She needs to know that. He could have other injuries."

"Other injuries? What do you mean?" Starbuck asked, but Crius's face turned dark and he turned away shouting Rene's name before making a rude hand gesture across the room the connotation of which in general meant that someone should go frak themselves. Rene caught the gesture, understanding what it meant while Starbuck tried to wrap his brain around it.

"Sorry, sir," Crius apologized for the gesture to the Commander as Starbuck tried to figure out what had happened.

"Are you saying…"

Crius cut him off speaking to Nik. "They get to you?"

"Wait, are you saying he was raped?" Starbuck lowered his voice, finding it hard to say the word out loud.

"Yeah, maybe. If it was Pallus, probably," Crius said, keeping his focus on Nik.

"Are you serious? That doesn't happen here, does it?" Starbuck looked to Boomer, but his buddy shook his head at him. He was about to say more, but Jake's shouting drew their attention as Rene pried Jake's hand from hers so that she could come to join them at Nik's bed.

"Are you sure?" she asked Crius with no preamble.

Crius asked Nik again as he winced at the bright light Cassie shined in his eyes.

"Did they get you?"

"No," Nik said. "Not sure if they got him. But we had to track down his clothes. They got them off him. If they did, it was pretty fast."

Rene swore.

"Then it probably didn't happen. That doesn't happen often here and hardly ever on men," Starbuck offered turning to the commander, but Adama looked sceptical. Sexual assault was new territory for the fleet as most crimes had been of the generic nature of theft or escalated tempers from living in such close confines. Murder had been so rare that Starbuck became a bit of a celebrity when he was put on trial for Ortega's death.

"Maybe," Crius agreed, "but gotta check."

"How long before you found Jake?" Starbuck asked, hoping this was just a general run of the mill beating and not a replay of the horrors of the Zakar's past.

"I don't know, five centons maybe," Nik said before Cassie asked them to step away so she could get a scan of Nik's head injury. Dara stayed by his side while the rest moved away.

Rene shifted her gaze between Nik and Jake and back again.

"They didn't have time," Starbuck offered again as Rene snorted in derision.

"You'd be surprised how fast it happens," Rene muttered her dark eyes meeting his. "Trust me on this. You want them to take their time."

The words silenced any objections to the idea. Starbuck could tell by the way everyone found somewhere else to look it was not a conversation any of them wanted to have.

"Fleet security is on the case, but I am sending over some of our own people to look into the matter," Adama tried to reassure them. "They will be found."

Rene nodded before turning to Starbuck. "I need someone to go get Jason and Cain and bring them home."

"I'm sure they're fine on the Zakar. Apollo would keep an eye on them." Starbuck knew she could be paranoid, but she didn't need to be where the boys were concerned, but she disregarded him as Gage answered her.

"I need to speak with Apollo about a few things. I'll bring them back with me myself."

"Thank you," Rene said curtly. "Where's Lara?"

Crius spoke up. "She's staying with one of her friends, Callie. I didn't see the harm in it with Jason and Cain gone."

"Starbuck, go get her and round up the others. Don't leave them until Gage comes back." Rene snapped the order like she was used to giving him commands.

"Rene, don't you think you're overreacting," Starbuck said. "It was a random attack. I'm sure the kids are fine where they are. The boys are on the Zakar and Lara's on the Galactica. They're both in good hands."

Rene flashed him a glare before she turned to Adama. "When was the last time someone was attacked and beaten this viciously on one of the ships of the fleet?"

Adama shook his head. "I am unaware of such an attack in over a yahren."

Rene locked eyes with Starbuck as she asked her next question. "Has it ever happened to a warrior?"

"Not that I am aware of." Now Adama was looking at him, as if he agreed with Rene's suspicions that the attack was purposeful.

"And Sir, what if it happened to Apollo and Boxey was off at a friend's, would you bring him home?" Rene's eyes were hard as steel.

"Yes, I would," Adama answered softly. He was about to speak, but Rene held up her hand as if she were the Commander. "Starbuck, I am not going to spend our whole marriage playing 'What would Adama do'.". When I tell you to do something, I have my reasons and the only answer you should be giving me is 'Yes Ma'am' but I will accept 'Yes Dear' as an alternative."

"Alright Rene, I get it," he said. His anger rose at being chastised and he had to remind himself that she was acting out of fear. She had been through a lot in her past and managed to keep the kids safe from most of the horrors, he had to give her that. But this was the Colonial Fleet, and the kids were in good hands. She had to learn to trust his friends eventually. "I think it should wait until the morning at least. They're all in safe places."

She nodded, looked back at Jake who was fighting the doctor and calling out her name, before turning back to him. "Please. I might be wrong, but what if I'm right? These guys aren't above hurting the kids."

He nodded grudgingly. Pallus and his buddies had done far worse than Starbuck could ever imagine anyone doing on a Colonial vessel. "Alright. Understood. You're staying here?"

"Yes," she said defensively. He reached out a hand, pulling her away from the others before reaching for her, guiding her to look at him.

"Hey, I'm on your side, remember?"

She nodded, but he could tell from the slight tremor in her jaw she was angry. Rightfully so he supposed, and she had no one to place her vengeance upon. She flinched as Jake shouted her name again. "He needs me," she said, her eyes shifting to Jake to make sure he was okay before turning back to him.

"I'll get the kids, and I'll come back here. Everything's okay, Rene."

"Everything is not okay!" she exploded on him. "While we were lazing around watching vids Jake and Nik were attacked! We don't know who they're coming after next."

"Alright, calm down. Everyone is safe. Nik and Jake just wandered to the wrong place at the wrong time. They're in good hands now." He tried to reason with her, but she was just as disoriented at Jake.

She huffed in exasperation. "That's not what happened. Just go get my kids, Starbuck." She turned away and he let her go back to Jake's side. Her presence calmed Jake down as the young man reached out to cling to her in his disorientation.

Starbuck shook his head. She was overreacting but this was Jake we were talking about, her closest family now that her brother was dead. Starbuck would do as she asked and make a little side trip on the way in hopes of finding out if Rene was right. If this was targeted, then they needed to all watch their backs, but he doubted that was the case. It was a half planned last minute excursion, with an unexpected side stop. It had to be random.

He stepped back towards the group, the Commander conferring with Boomer, Gage having already departed for the Zakar. Crius had his hand on Dara's shoulder in comfort.

"Crius, are Kiff, Kalea and Leia at your place?"

"Yeah, with Nik's kids. I left them with Giles there."

Starbuck shook his head. Crius was following the same edict Rene had given, that no one should be without a Colonial nearby. "Come with me to get Lara. I need your help with something. Commander, I'll be back."

"I will be here watching over them," Adama said.

Starbuck shook his head as he left the Life Center, surprised that Adama had given credibility to Rene's fear.


	4. Chapter 4

He and Crius were barely out the door of the Life Center before he started grilling him. "So how long has everyone been making sure there's an Academy trained Warrior with them?"

"Since joining the fleet," Crius answered.

Starbuck started to say it wasn't necessary, but Crius interrupted. "It's habit, Starbuck. Things just went better when the Rats were with one of us."

"And what do you do when duty dictates otherwise?" he asked, knowing that it didn't always happen, like when Rene and the rest of the Rats disappeared to the Eaglebash.

"We make sure we shift duties. We got lax, but after you guys got back from Caprica, there's been some trouble."

"What kind of trouble? Why didn't you tell me?"

Crius shrugged, "Nothing obvious, just hints of problems and you wouldn't see it happening."

"Why is that?"

"They don't do it when you're around, Starbuck."

He cursed under his breath as the old fear that he was just being used reappeared ghosting his steps.

"Crius, you're going to have to step up here! I can't be the only one guiding the way. I'm not exactly a paragon of what is right and moral. You knew what they were up to I'm guessing, and you didn't think to put a stop to it?"

"I didn't know they were going to Caprica! I was just as in the dark as you were, and yeah, I step up, been stepping up for yahrens trying to keep them out of trouble. They don't start it all, you know. It's not like they said, 'Hey, why don't you push me around? I kinda like it. Usually they're trying to stay out of the problem."

Starbuck sighed heavily. His wing mate was right, he was probably just as in the dark as he was. Rene was sneaky and she did a lot of things to try to smooth over the rough spots in their lives that most didn't even notice she was doing, like paying off the child care minders with jewellery and ambrosia. Then there were the supplies from the galley that were increasing in their quality and quantity. He wasn't sure he wanted to know what she was giving the cooks in the mess to make that happen. He wanted to be angry with her, but he knew everyone profited from her forays to Caprica. She had been a one-woman economic stimulus to the black market, and all her profits went to the family. He wasn't sure he could have been that selfless with what she was bringing back, he thought as he looked down upon the ring on his left hand, the blue stone nearly the size of his knuckle, wondering just how many hundreds of cubits that would have cost back in the old days. Now it was probably worth thousands.

Her dealings had definitely garnered her some attention, whether she had wanted it or not.

They travelled the rest of the way to Lara's friends in silence. He forgot how early in the morning it was when he had to ring the chime several times before Callie's parents answered the door and brought him a bleary eye Lara. Starbuck had thought to break the news to her gently, but Crius didn't soften the blow, clearly assuming the kid could handle more than Starbuck thought she could.

"Jake and Nik were attacked. Rene wants you somewhere safe." Crius dug a knife from his pocket handing it to Lara who didn't question what it was or why he was giving it to her.

"You sure about that?" he asked, but Crius just nodded.

"She knows how to use it."

"Of course, she does. Part of the Dilmun educational system, knife play and your A B Cs," Starbuck said sarcastically earning him a sharp look from Crius.

"Can I see Jake?" Lara asked. Starbuck was about to tell her she could but Crius overrode him.

"Need you safe for now. Jason and Cain are coming home. Stay with them, and stay with Giles until we get back."

Lara started to whine, something she'd been doing lately, but Crius cut her off with, "Rene said," the words silencing her protest.

Once they had Lara delivered back to Lisbet, Starbuck led Crius off to the duty office.

"What are we doing?" Crius asked as he saw their destination.

"I want to check on Pallus and Brody, and anyone who might have been one of their buddies. Figured it would be the first step to finding out if Rene is right."

"She's not usually wrong," Crius added as Starbuck logged into the duty roster.

"She might be this time. Pallus and Brody were out on patrol at the time of the attack."

"Doesn't mean they didn't make a stop," Crius said, looking over Starbuck's shoulder checking the duty roster himself and shaking his head. "Yeah, frak. All accounted for, but doesn't mean they couldn't set it up with someone else or…"

"Yeah, but are you guys willing to share all that information with the Commander, what Rene and Jake have been up to and how many are abusing what Rene brought back?"

As Starbuck predicted, Crius didn't give his question more than a shrug of resignation and a quick, "Frak no."

"You might have to."

Crius gave a quick nod before adding, "Not my decision."

"So, Rene really does run things for the family, doesn't she?" He shut off the monitor and spun in the chair to face his new wing mate.

"She's not dumb," Crius answered shrugging.

"Oh, I'd be willing to debate that right now with two of her friends with head injuries in the Life Center. Were things that bad on Dilmun that you forgot all your Academy training?"

"No, I didn't forget, but others did." Crius said defensively, dropping his country boy persona, finally facing, in Starbuck's opinion, a long overdue reckoning of accounts. "It was brutal on the Zakar before the destruction. Take any hard-line officer you've ever had, and multiply it by ten, and then you have Dante. He was harsh as a Colonel. If you stepped out of line even a fraction of a millimetron, you knew it. He always had favorites and the rest of us danced to their tune."

Nodding, Starbuck thought back to a few officers he had served under over the years who were less than congenial. His posting before the Galactica was a good example, a Commander who was conned into taking him on, a Colonel who was bound and determined to see he was a model officer in order to make up for his less than exemplary past. Starbuck was not on his good side, drawing the worst duties on a regular basis. Complaining to Apollo is what finally sped up the process of him being reassigned. Well, that and the pranks he had pulled where he was able to lay blame upon others, coming out innocent even though the Colonel suspected otherwise. The Commander had been amused at Starbuck's ingenuity, helping to speed up the process of his departure.

"What about your commander, the one before Dante promoted himself? Didn't he ever try to override Dante?"

Crius shook his head. "He was sectars away from retirement. He was a nice guy, but he wasn't looking to really work hard. He seemed to appreciate that Dante took over most of his duties. At first when I got on the Zakar, it was like the Commander's own personal retirement cruise, you know, hitting the best ports, lots of shore leave and outings for the crew, but then the peace accord came up and the one smart decision that guy made was to get us the hades out of that mess. He knew if he showed up, he'd be expected to do something that might look like work, so he traded spots with some other ship, took the long-range mission for some diplomatic delegation and we were far away from that frak fest."

"Then what happened to him?" Starbuck asked, realizing no one had ever really explained how Dante wound up in charge of the Zakar in such a short amount of time.

"He died." Crius didn't elaborate and Starbuck resented having to dig for the information as his wing mate suddenly turned to the Rat's code of conduct, admit nothing.

"Yeah, how? That's where things get fuzzy, am I right?"

Crius shook his head looking away for moment before looking back. "You got that right, things do get fuzzy. I honestly don't know what happened. Dante just said he died, heart attack or something at the news of the destruction. We were busy fighting for our lives at the time, Frak fest, remember? I was a lowly Lieutenant who got a fast promotion to Captain and didn't question it because I didn't have time to. Back to back patrols and red alerts, and then we were back at the colonies trying to figure out what happened. By the time Rene and her friends were brought on board, we were just trying to make it centon to centon. And then…"

Crius paused and a tremor rippled across his shoulders.

"And then the Shiva," Starbuck filled in.

Crius nodded, the man looking like he was about to breakdown and cry.

Starbuck filled in the gaps for his new friend, wanting to spare him the horror of the details. "And the destroyer, and the Sabre and the rest."

Crius nodded.

"How many?" Starbuck asked softly.

"A dozen," Crius answered vaguely. "I don't know. I tried to avoid those missions. Had Rene told me about the Galactica, she would have avoided that one as well."

"And then where would we be, buddy?" Starbuck hadn't meant the question to sound judgmental, but he had to admit it was. How long would he have stomached a Colonel who promoted himself to God status and began gunning down anyone who stood in his way? Not long, not if he had Apollo and Boomer by his side. But Crius didn't have those kinds of friends back then.

"How did Dante do it, get you guys to agree to go along with it? Didn't some of you question it?"

Crius nodded before looking away. "I lost a lot of good friends and once I met Rene and Lisbet, I had other priorities. We were just trying to stay alive, Starbuck. We were outnumbered and outgunned. If you're one of Dante's favorites, you get fed. Get too vocal or grow a backbone, you get spaced. It was an easy decision at the time."

Starbuck reached out a hand to his wing mate's shoulder. "Understood." It was all he could seem to offer in the way of understanding and apology. "When did you start using? On the Zakar? Dante made you do it?"

Crius nodded and Starbuck thought he might let it go at that, but he added, "Nice little side effect of the stims, you're not hungry. Makes it easier to forgo a few meals, you know?"

Starbuck nodded, knowing that Crius was the type of person that he'd make sure everyone else got fed before he ate; he always did at meal times with the family. Despite the ample supplies recently, Crius was still so thin he made Starbuck seem plump.

"Please tell me you aren't taking the felgercarb when you're flying with me."

Crius met his eyes before plastering on a fake grin. "Rene's right, you just beg to be lied to, you know that, Bucko?"

He took in a heavy sigh. "Yeah, I'm working on that. Why don't you work on the truth?"

Crius dropped the grin. "Baby Zac isn't sleeping much at night and then there was the whole family stuck on Caprica with no hope of a rescue going on. Don't worry, all within regulation doses. I'm not completely daft."

"Not smart either because now we have a situation that needs to be resolved. One Rene created, am I right?"

Crius rolled his eyes up to the ceiling before looking to him again. "Yeah, I suppose, maybe. And maybe this is just a random attack."

"That's the best case scenario, isn't it? I'm thinking it's time we all come clean and you guys ask for help from the Commander. Rene's not thinking clearly in my opinion. Too many dreams and the pressure of deciding what to do with her ability to leap across space. Willing to take the help?"

Crius sucked in a deep breath before nodding. "Since we are neck deep in a mong heap and the bovines keep crapping, yeah I guess so."

"Let's go talk to Adama."

"Now? I mean, don't we want to wait until..."

Starbuck cut him off. "Until you're up to your eyeballs in felgercarb? Or someone else gets attacked, like Lisbet or the kids?"

Crius nodded. "I thought you'd like to finish off your honeymoon, but you have a point."

Starbuck hadn't thought about that, and wished he had, but he knew Rene wasn't going to head back to the Rising Star with him to finish off their time in the suite, not while her friends were in the life center. He knew he wouldn't be able to either. They were family now, and family stuck together in a crisis.

"Let's go," he said reaching for a data pad to download the duty roster to use as evidence. Crius had a point, Pallus could have made an unexpected stop on his patrol, or gotten someone else to do his dirty work, a trick the Captain probably learned from Dante. But for now, Pallus and Brody had a viper clad alibi.

Once in the Life Center, he checked on Nik to find that he was undergoing treatments to relieve the swelling of his brain, head stuck under a regenerator, but he was cleaned up and looking a bit better.

"Everyone back home?" Adama asked, having taken a chair beside Nik's bed, a hand resting on the young man's arm. Starbuck had been meaning to ask about the sudden connection that Adama had shown for the kid ever since they got back from Caprica. Lately, Nik had been speaking more, and didn't shy away from the Commander. He still froze whenever Adama laid a hand on him, but after a few moments, he would come back to life, a trace of a grin in his features. Not quite a full smile, just a hint that there might be one in time. Something good had come out of the botched mission. If Nik could learn to trust the Galactica Commander, it increased the likelihood that the rest of the Rats could too.

"Yes sir. I still think she's overreacting, but they're her kids," he replied with a shrug of resignation.

"And yours as well. You want them home for something like this."

He nodded at Adama's advice before asking, "How's he doing?"

"Better. His memory is not affected as he was just listing off all of the Monarch's songs, some I had forgotten." Adama patted Nik's arm, and Nik actually moved his hand closer to the Commander.

Seeing the gesture, Starbuck almost didn't say anything about Rene's suspicions. The desire for this to be just a random coincidence was strong, but when he cast a look to Rene, he knew by the angry glower on her features that her instincts might be right. At least she was convinced she was, and he needed to voice those concerns if he wanted them to be proven false.

"Sir, I think we need to talk with you." He gestured to Crius who looked away sheepishly.

Adama guessed the intent. "There's something more going on here than a robbery?"

Starbuck nodded. "I'm hoping not, but…" he looked to Rene searching for an easier way to explain. "I need to check on Jake and then …" He hesitated again.

"In my office?" Adama guessed again at the need for a space where the story could be told in confidence.

"Yes sir. Not really my story to tell, but I'm not going to get her to leave his side right now."

"And the reason this can't be done here?" Adama asked.

"We might be wrong," Crius added before Starbuck could.

"Or we might be right. Either way needs some discretion," Starbuck conceded. "I need to check on her first."

Adama nodded. "When you are ready." Adama patted Nik's arm again. "We can talk music when I return. I am curious to find out if you know anything about Jazz."

"Don't get him started," Dara answered for him.

Walking away from the playful banter was hard only because he knew he would have a fight on his hands with Rene. She was definitely plotting some sort of revenge by the dark thoughts that were playing out on her face like an action vid as she sat beside Jake, his hand still in hers. Cassie was working on healing his cuts. His face was still a swollen mess.

"How is he?" He placed a hand on Rene's shoulder. "They taking good care of my brother?"

"He's doing a little better," Cassie answered while Rene looked up to Starbuck, her face grim.

"They got him," she said softly.

He nodded wanting to curse. "So not just a robbery?"

She shook her head and looked back to Jake who was out cold. Starbuck was reminded once again how young the Rat's were. Jake's face softened in unconsciousness looked almost younger than Cain or Jason. Starbuck reached down to try to smooth the ruffled mess of his hair as he tried to wipe away the images of what had been done to the kid. It might be a miracle he was alive. Having watched him play triad, Starbuck knew Jake would have fought hard, so hard that killing him might be the only way to subdue him.

Rene had every right to be angry and frightened and there wasn't much Starbuck could do to make it any better.

"I got Lara back with Lisbet and Giles. I'm sending Boomer to stay with them to make you feel safer. Crius and I are going to have a little talk with the Commander."

"About what?" Rene asked absently. He squeezed her shoulder.

"You know what about. We are going to have to give up some information if we want to catch these guys and make it stop." He felt her tense under his hand. "You know it's the right thing to do, Rene."

She didn't answer him and he gave her shoulder two gentle squeezes. He'd give her time to come to terms with it, to craft her stories and half truths while he filled the Commander in on all of the facts.

"I'm doing this to keep everyone safe, especially the kids. I'll be back. Love you."

She nodded, but didn't look to him or say anything. He squeezed her shoulder again before he looked to Cassie. "Take good care of him."

He knew it didn't really need to be said. Cassie had a vested interest in his family as well, but for some reason he needed her to know that Jake was important to him too. But the best way he could help Jake right now was to put an end to all the secrets and the lies.

He walked away, but not before giving Rene one last look. Her eyes were on him, dark and sorrowful. He nodded to her, trying to convey to her that this was for the best, but she looked away.

Placing a hand on Adama's shoulder, he spoke softly, "I think we should have that talk now."

Adama made the same request of Doctor Salik, to take good care of his family. Starbuck was touched by the inclusion, but also knew Adama might want to take back the honor when he knew what he was getting himself into.


	5. Chapter 5

Once in the Commander's office, Starbuck quickly detailed what Rene had told him with Crius filling in some of the missing pieces. Adama was surprisingly calm after hearing Rene's suspicions about whom she thought might be behind the attack. He seemed more concerned with what she had acquired on her covert missions to Caprica and how she chose to distribute her illicit goods.

"It will be easy to check to see if Pallus made any stops, but I suspect you may be correct that if he is behind it, he was not the one at the altercation. He has many allies at his disposal if half of what you are intimating is true. I have requested the vids from the docking lounge for the time of the attack and Security has found a suspect that they are questioning. As to the matter of the substances being provided, I am beginning surprise tox screenings starting this morning. Addiction therapy sessions are scheduled for the next cycle. I expect to see your names top the list of volunteers for the first session." Adama fixed his fatherly disapproval on Crius who only squirmed a little before Adama shifted his gaze to Starbuck.

"That means you too, Starbuck."

"I don't have a problem, sir. I didn't sample any of her stuff," he stated boldly, but Adama kept the pressure upon him.

"Rene has many allies as well. You were aware from the beginning that she had a problem, were you not?"

Starbuck found himself doing the Sewer Rat shrug and tried to shake it off. "Yes sir, but we were working on it and I didn't know about everything, sir."

"You knew enough to become complicit, and that indicates a problem. Plus, your ambrosia consumption has been quite substantial the last few cycles. Understandably so, but it was witnessed by many." Adama shifted his reprimand to one of encouragement. "I'm sure if you volunteer, others will see it as a sign of your growing maturity and ability to lead. As a Strike Wing Captain, you are responsible for the health and welfare of your squadron and sometimes that means being the one who goes first in admitting one's mistakes."

"I'm not a Strike Wing Captain," he started to protest, a little slow to catch on to what Adama was really saying.

"Not yet. I had hoped to make the announcement when you returned from your honeymoon. It is long overdue and with your family transferring over to the Zakar to fill the billets, it seemed appropriate."

"Thank you, sir," Starbuck said before adding, "I'm assuming it's contingent on my being a good role model and going first?"

"I'm sure you won't find it too difficult now that the ambrosia is gone and then there's the need to cut back on the fumarelloes with a baby on the way."

"Yes, that is true," Starbuck conceded before shifting the conversation. "I'd like to be able to go over to the Gemini Freighter and find out what happened and confirm our suspicions."

"I have my hesitations on allowing you to be on the investigation team. You and Pallus have had your disagreements in the past and at this point, your suspicions are conjecture."

"Sir, I was there when Brody threatened Rene recently," Crius spoke up. "He told her to find what he needed or he'd kill her."

"And you're just now telling me?" Starbuck spun on Crius. "Don't you think that might be something I needed to know or the rest of the Rats before they went gallivanting around the fleet?"

"They know," Crius said before realizing his mistake.

"Everyone but me, is that it?" Starbuck turned to his Commander. "See, I'm not complicit."

Crius shrugged and slid into his country boy twang. "Don't get your undies in a bunch. We didn't yodel it for everyone to hear, just the vermin needed to know so Brody or Pallus didn't lasso them into the slaughter house."

"Cut the mong, Crius. This is serious," Starbuck replied.

"Yeah, I know. We didn't think it would get serious, not here in the fleet. We trusted you on that," Crius said accusingly.

"You trust me? Really? With what? You couldn't trust me enough to tell me that Brody and Pallus are threatening my wife!" Starbuck shouted before shaking his head in disgust. "And the fleet is pretty safe, assuming you're not dealing illegals goods with criminals."

"They're not criminals, they're Colonials," Crius amended.

"That the Rats have had problems with in the past? You don't think that might be something you might need to trust me with? I thought you and I had…" He didn't finish the sentence, a familiar sense of betrayal biting back the words that he had thought they were more than wing mates, even more than friends. "How stupid are you, Crius? You thought all this would work out fine? You didn't think I might need to know that Rene's dealing on the black-market? Or that Jake and Nik have been testing some limits like they do, am I right?"

Crius lost his jovial country boy cocky grin as he took the brunt of Starbuck's anger before he gave a shrug, full of the surliness he'd acquired from hanging out with the Rats. "I thought you knew seeing how close you are to Rene. And if you count mixing with the general public of the fleet as testing limits, then yeah, they're kids, they're going to test the limits. They're draftees to the service. Don't expect them to be oorah and spend all their time with warriors."

Adama interjected before Starbuck could. "You have a point, Lieutenant. They should have been safe in the fleet on any ship regardless of their rank in the service. But I think their dealings in illicit goods have brought them into contact with some less than desirable elements of the fleet. Is that a fair assessment?"

"Maybe." Crius shrugged again, this time in honest ignorance. "I haven't been with them when that happens. I was just as in the dark about Caprica as Starbuck. I only know about what is going on with Pallus and his buddies, and I thought that was just left over felgercarb from Dilmun. I didn't know about the dealings until after Caprica, and she is putting a stop to it."

"It shouldn't' have begun!" Starbuck shouted, but Adama gestured with a hand for him to calm down.

"This is not Crius's fault. You are close to Rene and you didn't know."

"Yes sir," Starbuck grumbled. "I knew something was up, but you're right, I had no idea how deep in she was. I just thought it was for her own consumption and the family."

"In a way, she was doing this for the family," Crius reasoned. "She was probably trying to get some favors out of Pallus and Brody."

"She was trying to get my astrum out of trouble," Starbuck reminded Crius, as well as himself.

"Yeah, that too."

"But the distribution of illicit goods has stopped?" Adama asked.

"Oh yeah. Definitely. I was there when she told Brody she wouldn't be giving him anymore drugs," Crius replied.

Adama still looked sceptical as he turned to Starbuck. "When did you learn of this?"

"As we were waiting for Jake and Nik on the Rising Star. I knew she was…" he hesitated, his natural inclination to not get his own wife in trouble, but Rene had brought this on herself despite his best efforts guiding her down the right path. "I knew she was consuming more than she should. I think Dixon might know more. I just thought this was her own problem. I had no idea until tonight it extended beyond her."

"I see. But you didn't think to seek help in the matter?" Adama asked.

"Talked with Dixon and Salik. She's been cooperating, but then the sealing and…things have been busy."

"Yes, and now there are more complications to keep us occupied. Understood." Adama leaned back, his fingers tented under his chin. "Perhaps we have all been misguided in our assumption that the problems of the past could be resolved without intervention and assistance from those higher in authority."

The feeling of drowning had become familiar to Starbuck in the cycles since Caprica. He'd struggled on his own to swim against the undertow that threatened to drag him down. The expression on the Commander's face felt like a life ring thrown to him that he could cling to. Along with a sense of relief, however, was also the sense of shame that burned like lungs starving for air. He should have trusted his original family with what was going on his life. He'd wanted to be worthy of those gold clusters the Rats teased him about and be the one who rescued them all.

He shivered remembering back to the moment waking up alone in that cold cell, not knowing how long he'd been there, if Rene was alive or dead, and if anyone was going to come back for him. He looked at Adama, focusing on the old man's face to remind him he had made it out of that predicament alive. Starbuck was hoping the Commander was coming up with a solution to the problem as things were pretty far out of hand if Pallus and Brody were willing to commit the same atrocities they had on the Zakar and Dilmun. Rene and the others had given him a fairly clear picture of the abuses the girls had gone through. He'd not gotten specific details, hadn't wanted them after what little had been shared with him. He'd witnessed the broken bones and taken a flogging, and yet he still had a hard time wrapping his brain around the things Dante did, using his rank and power to satisfy his own sick desires. Agenor's comments about shackles and entertainment in the Officer's Club was enough to make Starbuck see red and condone a few more Zakar warriors taking a laser blast to the face. It was not just one man the gals had to avoid, but most of those in command.

While abhorrent, Starbuck hadn't found what happened on the Zakar surprising. The Colonial Service had always considered men superior especially when it came to warfare. There were few female pilots before the destruction, and no women he knew of in command. Sheba had been an oddity. Many of the Galactica pilots had been squeamish about the women learning to fly, including his well educated friend Apollo. The old boys club ruled and boys will be boys when it comes to women.

Dante had been king of the boy's club. Starbuck had seen the proof of that himself at the dinner Adama held as Rene poured Dante's drinks and lit his smokes. It was a short step from demanding servitude to demanding sex. Rene had admitted that many gals had offered first as a way to gain favors and better treatment. Offers had turned into expectations. He thought that's probably more of how it happened for Rene, an expectation that she would give in to demands rather than be brutally forced. At least he hoped that's how it went as a he couldn't deal with the alternative scenario. It was still rape and abuse, still awful, but not as violent as a typical assault.

That's what he wanted to believe, but recognized that he might be biased on the matter. He knew he was assuming this was about satisfying an urge and making babies. There weren't as many women in the fleet Dante first assembled, and surely most guys just wanted to get their needs met, and if they had to force someone to do it, they would. But it was still just regular fraking, the kind sanctioned by the Book of the Word, after marriage of course, but the normal variety of preference of male and female relations. Still unwanted by the woman, but Rene had said it herself multiple times, it was just fraking.

Lords he wanted to believe it had been just that, a quick centon or two with as little violence as possible. Rene was pretty savvy. She'd have found a way to keep the damage to herself to a minimum.

"Then what were the shackles for, Bucko?" a voice in his head whispered.

No, he knew better. Rene would have fought, but she was small and light. She would have been easily subdued and they didn't want to hurt her, just frak her.

All of that was bad enough, but men abusing other men was something Starbuck had not dealt with much before. Sure, there were isolated incidences he'd heard about in the orphanages when he was a kid, but that was usually adults abusing kids. In Caprican society, men didn't often frak with other men. It was fairly common on other worlds, but Caprica was behind the times and a bit conservative. Capricans didn't follow the Book of the Word as closely as the Gemons, but Caprica wasn't too far behind in their attitudes about copulation. Abstinence was still the basis of the sex education he'd received in his public school, and the message that a sealing should occur before sex was why he usually dated older girls who had moved beyond the brainwashing. Same gender couplings were taboo, based upon a couple of obscure passages in the Book of the Word that had been translated several times over and the average Caprican couldn't decipher the original anyway.

In the Colonial Service where you found more diversity with the mixing of citizens from all the worlds, it happened, it just was not discussed. "Don't ask, don't tell" seemed to be how Command dealt with it. On the ships Starbuck had served on, the practice was frowned upon where warriors relied on each other for their very lives. Fraternization created problems, and no guy wanted to walk in on two of their buddies in the bunkroom in the middle of a tryst.

It wouldn't have bothered him if he found out one of his squadron mates preferred men. He was a bit more open about any subject when it involved pleasure, but he sure as hades wouldn't have wanted to witness it. Sure, he'd had his moments of experimentation when he was younger and crammed into dormitories with too many hormonal boys and no girls around. As long as everyone was having fun, he didn't judge. But this was so much more than an alternative sexual preference. This wasn't consensual. He became much more critical when it came to forcing someone into a situation they didn't want. Maybe it was because he'd never had a problem finding someone who was willing, he didn't ever feel the need to be aggressive.

He knew that wasn't completely true. He'd coerced a few girls with his promises of a commitment, but had they said no, he would have moved on, not used his muscles to get the answer he desired. Maybe it was because he'd been forced into arrangements he didn't want. He'd had so little control over most of his life, he didn't appreciate anyone taking control of his sex life. He had figured most people felt the same way. When younger he'd had a few situations that had gone farther than he wanted, but it had been easy to extricate himself. Was it that he avoided all commitments, or was it his ability to use words to charm himself out of any predicament? He suspected his natural ability to survive was the reason that he'd not had too many problems despite the seedy bars and chanceries he often frequented with the predictable clientele.

Some of those uncomfortable occurrences had involved men, but when he explained that he was flattered but he preferred women, that usually resolved the dilemma. He thought he knew Jake well enough to know the guy liked girls and wouldn't welcome a man's advances. But this wasn't about Jake being propositioned. This was violence, with a touch of humiliation thrown into the mix. If you wanted to bring a man's reputation down in conservative society, a sexual assault was a good way to do that. No man wanted to admit that he'd been raped. It wasn't just admitting that you had lost a fight to another man. You lost your dignity and what made you a man. Added to it all was the implication that you brought it on yourself, that you were willing and somehow enjoyed it. It was a taint that followed you, and could ruin a man.

Starbuck swallowed the bile that rose at the idea of it happening to himself.

"How often did this happen on Dilmun," he asked Crius. His wing mate looked at him confused for a moment.

"Taking drugs? Daily. Prescribed and administered by the doctor sometimes."

Starbuck shook his head. "No, the attack, the…" He still had a hard time saying the word aloud.

"The raping?"

"Yeah, that."

Crius shrugged again. "Not uncommon. Depends who you are talking about. With the gals it was…"

"I'm talking about Jake," Starbuck quickly clarified. Right now he didn't want to think about how it might have been for Rene. That had stopped, it was over and would never happen again, not while he was still drawing breath in this universe. But this attack was perversely different. It had happened here in the fleet and it had happened to a man.

Crius turned to meet his eyes. "He doesn't like it, but he doesn't win every fight. He's a scrapper, but he's small and once the kids came along, they had more leverage to make him."

Starbuck tried to keep the curses under his breath remembering all too well how Dante was able to coerce him into agreeing to a flogging in the hopes of saving Rene's life. What would he be willing to do for the kids? That? Hades no, but as Crius often said, he wasn't there. He didn't know what he might do in the same situation. He wouldn't have given in, that's for sure. He couldn't picture Jake ever agreeing even with his kids' safety involved. The head injury indicated this was more than just a satisfying an urge. They'd had to beat him into submission.

Crius continued, "After Keenan was gone, the Rats lost some protection and it happened more often. Pallus would threaten to put him on report if he didn't or to take the kids away."

It helped to explain why Jake might keep some distance between himself and his own kids. He may have sacrificed a lot for his children, and the closer he was to them, the more that might be asked of him.

The string of curses Starbuck tried to keep inside made his lip curl into a snarl. "I want to be there to help investigate."

Adama stared at him with that probing gaze of his, evaluating him and his motivations.

"Sir, this is my family," he pleaded his case.

The words seemed to tip the scale. "Alright. We can discuss this further in the morning on our way over to the freighter. I also have a vested interest in getting to the bottom of this. We will go first thing. Now try to get some sleep, and Starbuck..."

Starbuck had begun to rise, but kept his seat at the mournful look the Commander cast his way. "Yes, sir?"

"I want to thank you for your participation in the sealing and all that the IFB asked of you and Rene. It has already reaped some benefits. It was an excellent celebration and I am sorry at having to cut your honeymoon short."

"So am I, but we have a whole life time to enjoy ourselves."

"That's the right attitude, son."

Starbuck should have been getting to his feet, to leave before the Commander changed his mind, but there was one more important piece of information the Commander of the fleet might need.

"She's been dreaming about Count Iblis."

He watched the breath freeze in Adama's lungs before the commander slowly nodded.

"And what does he want?"

Starbuck shook his head. "She says the same thing he wanted at Dilmun. She hasn't seen him in…in person…just a dream."

"Just a dream," Adama echoed his words, but it was heavy with the knowledge that with Rene, dreams were often something more. "You will tell me if she dreams of something I should know about?"

Starbuck nodded wishing he'd not said anything. "It was just a dream."

Adama nodded again before dismissing them, leaving Starbuck feeling conflicted about having shared the information. It had seemed to disturb Adama more than finding out that half his new pilots might be addicted and warriors weren't safe to wander the fleet.

Starbuck kept his thoughts to himself as he walked Crius back to his quarters to finish off the few centaurs they had until first shift began. He headed back to the Life Center to find Rene.

He stopped by Nik's biobed first, noting that the young man was asleep, his wife by his side, a hand upon his chest but also asleep. Salik came up to Starbuck his voice low. "He's doing better."

"And Jake?" he asked, but Salik looked a bit grimmer as he delivered the news.

"He took a beating and his concussion is more severe. He's going to need some time. He won't be flying for a while and it will set back his medical studies."

Starbuck nodded to the Doctor taking in the information. He looked at Rene sitting by Jake's bedside, a hand on his shoulder as a regenerator worked away at both of Jake's hands. Her hair was still a mess from having been dragged from sleep and all they had been doing before they'd collapsed in exhaustion. It had been a good day until this. He suspected he'd be spending whatever was left of his honeymoon here in the life center by Jake's side. He noted that it was Cassie that was tending to Jake's injuries and wondered briefly if that was going to be a problem. It wasn't Cassie he was worried about, but rather Rene. He'd thought Rene was over most of her jealousy, but if Cassie wasn't at the sealing, it had to be that his wife didn't invite her. One complication just led to another.

He shook his head and sighed. He was getting tired of swimming against the tide. He wondered briefly what would happen if he just let go and let the current drag him where it wanted. He shook his head again at the thought realizing that it was probably how things got so bad on the Zakar and Dilmun. They got tired of fighting and gave in. That wasn't him.

He squared his shoulders and dredged up a smile as he took the steps to Rene's side. "How bad are they?" Starbuck asked Cassie as he pulled up a chair to sit on the other side of his wife.

"His hands? Not too bad, but we are taking the opportunity to fix some of the past damage done by breaks healed without proper medical equipment, much like we did for Rene when she was in our care. Jake has been resistant to the treatment, but he's not disagreeing now." Cassie winked.

"Hard to disagree when you're unconscious," Starbuck added.

He reached for Rene's other hand, pulling it to him. "How are you doing?"

She shook her head in answer, her eyes still burning with anger and vengeance. "They got to him."

He didn't need her to explain what that meant. Jake had lost the fight and they had made sure he knew it. He felt his own smile turn to a sneer. "Frak," he cursed, not knowing anything else he could do or say to make this go away. "You get any information out of him?"

She shook her head again. "He said it was Agenor and his cronies."

"You killed Agenor," he said before realizing it might be something they shouldn't be discussing in front of Cassiopeia.

"He's not making much sense," Rene replied.

"No, I suppose he's not. Speaking of not making sense, when were you going to tell me Brody threatened your life?"

She shrugged before casting him a guarded look. "I didn't think he was serious."

"And now?" he asked as the image came into his mind of Pallus's burly boray of a friend putting his hands on Rene like he probably had with Jake. None of the Rats were large, Nik being one of the tallest, but he was thin as a wire. Jake was not only thin, but he was short as well, only a little taller than Rene, just coming up to Starbuck's nose. All of the Rats had been eating as much as they could and spending time in the gym trying to add some bulk, but it just never seemed to stick to their bones. While Jake had speed on his side, if Brody got his hands on him, he could fling the scrawny kid around like a rag doll. Nik was clear there had been more than one or two of them. It wasn't a fight, not for long anyway.

In his mind a memory surfaced, of being in the land ram as Agenor picked Rene up by her neck like she was a scrawny fowl, one handed slamming her head into the side of the vehicle while she dangled there choking for air and clawing at his arms. He'd held her like she didn't weigh anything. The idea of his wife in the brute's bunk was unsettling, the difference in their proportions bordering on the absurd. Agenor had been four times the size of her. The man could have easily crushed her with his body weight alone.

It helped to explain the panic attack that had ambushed Rene the day before. The lummox could have restrained her with just with his bulk, trapping her beneath him. Her efforts to fight him off would have been ineffectual, or worse, brought more harm as he suffocated her.

Starbuck tried to shake the image from his head. He couldn't get to Agenor anymore, the man was dead, but there were others he could take on.

Brody wasn't as big as Agenor, but big enough. Then there was Pallus, not much larger than himself, but Pallus didn't need bulk on his side when he had large friends to do his bidding. Jake was a good enough fighter, he could take Pallus on his own, and that's why the boray had needed more than himself to intimidate and pummel the two Rats. Six against one wasn't a fair fight. Pallus was a coward. It's why he had to threaten children.

The images weren't hard to conjure of Jason being pushed around, followed by an even more horrific thought of little Lara grabbed by the wrist and dragged down a corridor. Even worse than his imaginings were the real memory of Agenor yanking at Rene's arm, locking it into shackles on Dante's desk. She'd not been able to fight the man. What would have happened if there were six of them? Jake could at least fight, but they had still gotten to him. If it were Rene, what damage could they do? The sound of breaking bones echoed in his mind.

He shook his head violently. This needed to stop. He checked his chrono. He had just enough time to make it to the Zakar landing bay before Pallus's patrol ended. Alone, Starbuck could easily take him.

"Frak it. Being Captain just means more paperwork," he thought to himself before turning to Rene. "You good here?"

She nodded and looked back to Jake. "Yeah. Not leaving until he does. Why, you going to talk to the Commander again?"

"No." He got to his feet heading for the door.

He didn't realize the anger he had punched into the word until Rene asked in concern, "Where are you going?"

"No one fraks with my brother."

He half expected Rene to follow him, but he should have known she wasn't going to leave her friend's side. He made it to the flight deck and had his viper in the launch tube before anyone questioned what he was doing, and then it was just one of the flight deck crew asking him how his honeymoon was. He launched with no problem, and was on the Zakar in a matter of centons. He expected to be denied when he asked for clearance to land, but he received approval and nothing more.

The flight over had not cooled his wrath, in fact, it stoked it to a dangerous inferno. His sense of right had him convinced he was doing Apollo a favor, resolving the problem his friend mentioned he was having with Pallus becoming part of a team. The images that kept playing in his head like an x-rated horror vid of what happened to Jake and could occur with Rene kept him thinking this was the right course of action.

Recognizing one of the flight tech crew, he convinced him to have Pallus land alone, and wave off his wing mate Brody, just for fifteen centons.

"I just need a moment alone with Pallus. Fleet business," he lied easily.

Each centon he waited for Pallus, his thoughts became more murderous. Yes, there was that voice in his head reminding him that Adama would not be pleased with his actions, but it was easily shouted down by his pounding heart that was proclaiming, "This is my family. No one does this to one of mine. Adama will understand."

The viper glided in and he waited for the Captain to descend from his craft. He seemed a bit surprised to find Starbuck waiting on him, and he looked around at the empty landing bay before approaching Starbuck warily, a sarcastic grin on his face.

"Honeymoon over?" Pallus asked.

In answer Starbuck reached out grabbing the man's jacket in both his fists drawing him close as he snarled in his face. "You ever threaten or lay a hand on anyone from my family ever again, I will kill you!"

He wasn't expecting the move as Pallus brought his fists down on his left arm breaking his hold as Pallus's other hand twisted Starbuck's grip off his jacket.

"Get the frak out of my face!" Pallus pushed back, blocking the fist that Starbuck brought up. "They're not worth it, Lieutenant."

"Yes, they are!" he shouted reaching out to grab at the man again, raising the fist which was blocked again. This time Pallus stepped close, coming nose to nose with him.

"You'd give up your career for them? Because you land that punch and I will bust you so far down you'll be crawling in the sewage of this ship!" Pallus hissed.

In the moment of his hesitation, Pallus pushed him away, bringing up his own fists.

"No one's going to bust me in rank when they find out what you've done. You'll be the one crawling," Starbuck growled back.

"And what have I done that you haven't? Fracked your wife? Is that what this is about? Ancient history."

"You beat up Jake and fraked him! You are not going to get away with it!" He took the step towards Pallus, fists ready for the fight.

Pallus watched him warily as he stripped off his jacket tossing it to the deck. "Find out about that did you? You ask him how much he likes it?"

Starbuck growled as he threw the series of punches that landed before Pallus landed his own, pushing him away. Starbuck pushed back, landing another blow before being jerked back by a firm hand on his collar.

"Starbuck!" a voice yelled in his ear.

He was dragged farther away, almost yanked off his feet as he lunged for Pallus. He was jerked back harder as Pallus stood his ground, letting the fight end as Starbuck was pulled another step away.

"Mother fraker, stay out of this!" he barked at whoever had the hold on him, but he was yanked again as hands pulled him back. He tried to shake them off, but the grip was firm. He spun in anger, lashing out at the hands that gripped him. "Get your gallmonging hands off me!"

Colonel Gage met his anger, shoving Starbuck back. "Stand down, Lieutenant! This is not how we handle things in Adama's fleet!"

"I see the Rat's rabies has spread," Pallus said straightening his tunic and running a hand through his hair to smooth it back in place.

Starbuck snarled, but Gage pushed him back another step, leaning into his face. "You want to go down with him, is that it? Warriors get justice, not revenge. Stand down, now!"

Starbuck cursed as he pulled himself away. "He's not hurting another one of them if I can help it!"

"What the frak is he raving about, Gage? You need to shorten his leash if he's going to keep hanging out with vermin."

Gage spun on Pallus. "I need to see your flight recorder, now."

Pallus actually flinched in shock, but to Starbuck's view it appeared a staged performance.

"Why? Nothing to see, a picket patrol that was uneventful," Pallus replied.

"Two warriors were attacked tonight on the Gemini Freighter and based on the threats you've uttered to fellow warriors, you are implicated. Your flight recorder, now Captain!"

Pallus held up his hands in surrender. "I haven't threatened anyone. You have me confused with someone else and I can prove it. I was on patrol."

"You just admitted you beat him and fraked him!" Starbuck shouted, but Pallus shook his head as he put an innocent smile upon his face.

"Ancient history, like I said. I'm a changed man thanks to my new commander. All sins washed clean. Amnesty granted as long as I stay in the service protecting the fleet and out of trouble, that's what Adama promised. I haven't done a thing but defend myself."

Starbuck bit back bile. He'd not agreed with the Commander's decision to ignore the abuses of the past for the sake of an easy assimilation of Dante's warriors.

"I still need to see your flight recorder," Gage said. "Brody's as well when he lands." He turned back to Starbuck. "You need to go. Now, before I put you on report myself. Take my shuttle. I just picked up Jason and Cain to bring them home. They are waiting there to be transported to the Galactica."

"I need to see his flight recorder," Starbuck replied trying to step around the Colonel but Gage blocked him, putting a hand to Starbuck's chest ready to shove him back again in needed.

"No, you don't. You need to go home, now. Don't make me pull rank."

"He's behind this. We need to protect them." He tried to appeal to Gage, but the Colonel shook his head.

"Then we'll prove it. Now go home and do your job and protect them. I will be over later with the data."

Starbuck still hesitated, searching for the words to convince Gage, but the Colonel pushed him back a step before turning him around, pointing in command towards the shuttle. "Go before he actually decides to press charges."

He turned back seething, "You're going to let him get away with this like you did on the Zakar? You don't have the backbone to stop this?"

A quick flash of anger seared across Gage's face before he took a menacing step towards Starbuck, looming over him. "No. But I learned from Dante that if we take matters into our own hands, we are nothing more than animals. f we want things to be civilized then we have to do this right. By the book. Adama taught me that."

Starbuck wiped away his sneer and choked down the sharp words he was about to hurl.

"Are you strong enough to trust that together we can follow the rules and do this right?" Gage demanded indicating so much more than pinning the attack on Pallus. Starbuck wanted to growl out a no, but Gage upped the ante. "We're Colonial Warriors. We live by the creed."

Starbuck seethed for just a moment, wanting to shout out the obvious, that the Zakar and Dilmun warriors had forgotten the creed, twisted the rules and regulations to their benefit and the detriment of others. Why couldn't he do the same? He'd at least be doing it to get revenge for the warriors who had been unable to defend themselves.

Gage leaned closer, his voice going low, "Don't sink to their level,(comma) Starbuck. You're better than them. We're better than them and there are consequences now."

Starbuck looked away, not wanting Gage to read his reply that he didn't give a frak about being better. But the Colonel was right, there were consequences. If he ended Pallus's life, it would end Starbuck's career as a warrior. Not to mention he wouldn't be there for Rene or the kids, to protect them, to watch them grow, to guide his family.

"Fine. Don't let me down like you let the Rats down," he tossed out the criticism like a hand grenade before turning away. Grinding his teeth, Starbuck stalked towards the shuttle, punching the button to shut the hatch.

Both Jason and Cain stared at him, a mixture of awe and fear.

"Dad?" Cain asked, but Starbuck cut him off.

"Don't. Just don't say anything right now." Starbuck felt a wave of shame rise up. This wasn't how he wanted the boys to view him, hot headed and out of control. "Did Gage tell you what happened?"

Both boys nodded, Cain opened his mouth to speak again, but Starbuck interrupted. "Take your seats. We're going home and you two are going to stick close to the other kids. You don't go anywhere without me, understood?"

They both nodded again. "Everything okay, dad?" Cain asked and Starbuck cringed pulling at his collar, strangling on the rage he was trying to choke down.

What kind of a role model was he if he solved all his problems with his fists? He wasn't going to win any awards for father of the year with that performance. He wished the boys hadn't seen his outburst, although he didn't regret taking the steps to protect his family. But Gage was right. He knew better. He'd been lecturing the Rats on how things were done in the Colonial Service, that they needed to learn to trust those in command. He hadn't taken his own advice. He swallowed again, shoving down the desire to take matters into his own hands and just kill Pallus. No, he was a Warrior and he'd have to trust the system wouldn't let him down, even though it had so many times before.

He shuddered as he remembered back to the look on Adama's face when he had to relegate Starbuck to the brig for the termination of Ortega. He'd been innocent then and still almost wound up on the prison barge. This time, he wouldn't even have the claim of self defense. Even recently when Pallus instigated the fight on the Rising Star by calling Rene nothing more than a common whore, it was Starbuck that would have been busted in rank. Was the boray going to get away with this again? Not if he could help it.

He held up his hands to stall Cain as he asked again, "Dad?"

"Don't call me that. Not right now. I'm not in the mood for the joking. We have a problem. Just do what you're told and stay close."

He didn't wait for their reply, heading to the pilot's seat and strapping in. He focused on the controls for the shuttle, vowing this would be one of his better jobs of flying and landing, because he had certainly fraked up facing Pallus. 


	6. Chapter 6

Since he'd gotten a look at the damage done to Jake and Nik, anger radiated off Starbuck like a solium leak just waiting for a spark. Once he got it through his head that her friends had done nothing more than wait for a shuttle ride back to the Galactica, he'd been mumbling curses to himself, yet didn't seem to realize he was doing it. Rene tried to ignore it, reminding herself his rage wasn't directed at her or her friends, but without a target, she couldn't help but worry where it might land. She kept her focus on Jake, but once they drugged him up and he passed out, there wasn't much for her to do but be there to watch over him. It was an effort to keep herself still, afraid that if she fidgeted, Starbuck might lash out at her. She just needed to remain invisible. "I'm a rock in a stream." She kept the mantra that Dixon had given her going in her mind. "I'm a rock in a stream and the emotions flow around me. They don't move me. I am a rock in a stream."

If the emotions were water, then Starbuck's were rapids about to plunge over a steep drop. Had there been space in the small private room, she had no doubt he would be pacing, but all he could do was sit and squeeze her hand tight. The only view before them was the bruising in vibrant colors on Jake's swollen face.

Starbuck's abrupt departure shouldn't have surprised her. In truth, his parting words that no one fraked with his brother were almost a relief. He would do something about this. He'd do more than just watch her back. His anger would cascade over someone who deserved it. His steps were purposeful as he headed across the Life Center, but they faltered as Cassie called out to him in concern.

"Starbuck? Don't go."

He grumbled something to his former girlfriend. Rene didn't catch the words, but noticed the way Cassie stiffened, her face flushing and her eyes hardening. His old lover took a step towards Starbuck, reaching out to stay his departure, but he was gone before the medtech could stop him. Cassie's hand hung there awkwardly as she watched the doors close, before she turned to Rene. Her steps were just as purposeful as Starbuck's.

"I know that look on his face. He's going to hurt someone and wind up in the brig again for murder if you don't stop him."

Rene leaned back, narrowing her eyes at the woman. She thought they had come to an agreement about Cassie's opinions where Starbuck was concerned a few cycles ago when Rene had come by the life center to extend the invitation to the sealing. She made sure to deliver it in person with a clear suggestion that Cassie should find a reason to decline.

"Might be for the best if you don't show, but he would be upset if I didn't invite you. So you're invited. But I think you and I would both like to avoid anything unpleasant."

"On that we can agree," Cassie had replied with sarcastic sweetness. "I do have plans that evening."

"Good. Enjoy," Rene said curtly, but as she turned away, Cassie issued a parting shot.

"I wish you the best, but when he moves on to another gal, I will offer only consolation and won't say 'I told you so.' He's not known for his fidelity."

Cassie was obviously not as close to Starbuck as she thought she had been if she didn't know that the one quality that could be counted on in the man was fidelity. The word might not be applied to who he flirted or fraked, but it was most definitely strong when it came to his friends and family. Rene couldn't figure out if the woman was being sincere or sarcastic, so she didn't give the comment a reply, just saluted in acknowledgment that they would not be friends, and that was fine with her.

But now Cassie was here offering advice again, unwanted and unneeded. She may have been Starbuck's girlfriend for three yahrens, but her rejection of his proposal just proved Cassie didn't know the man at all.

"Rene, he's going to hurt someone."

Rene nodded before looking to Jake as she said softly, "Good. Some people need to be hurt."

Cassie shook her head. "Last time he had that look he nearly wound up kicked out of the service and on the prison barge for murder."

Rene snorted. "Right. They won't kick him out. He's too good a pilot. You must think I'm stupid."

Cassie shook her head again looking down on her. "Rene, this isn't Dante's fleet. The laws are upheld here. You need to stop him." Cassie pointed to the door in command.

Crossing her arms in defiance, Rene leaned back indicating she wouldn't be following that order or any others Starbuck's ex-girlfriend might utter.

Huffing in impatience, Cassie looked to the door of the Life Center like she might go herself to stop him, but she held her position and looked back to Rene.

"Believe it or not, I am on your side. I care for Jake and whoever did this needs to be found and punished. But Starbuck in the brig for a fight or murder is not going to help the situation."

Rene snorted again. "Little do you know. Actually, it might resolve everything."

Cassie took a deep breath and tried again, in that motherly tone Rene had seen her use on Jake. "You haven't known him long enough. You've only seen him at his best. He has a temper that is wicked and unrestrained. He won't stop until…well, it might be Starbuck that winds hurt."

Rene kept her arms crossed, leaning father back to put her feet up on the side of Jake's biobed as a sign she wasn't going anywhere. "What, are you jealous? He wouldn't do the same for you? Too bad for you."

"Don't be ridiculous." Cassie crossed her own arms before considering Jake who looked young and vulnerable in his unconscious condition before looking back to Rene. "Do something, or I will."

Rene didn't hold back the wicked grin. "I did do something. I didn't stop him."

Cassie closed her eyes, nodded before opening them and turning away. She headed towards her desk, picking up a comm. Rene might have become concerned at that point, but Cassie wouldn't be able to do anything. His former girlfriend was right. No one could stop him when Starbuck got that look.

Rene looked back at Jake. The regenerator had done a decent job of healing the worst of the visible damage, the bruises beginning to fade to a light purple versus the brutal blue. It was the humiliation of losing the fight that was going to be the bigger problem for her friend. She debated waking him to let him know his new brother was going to fix this, but she decided it could wait until they needed to go bail Starbuck out of the brig. That was one of the first schematics the Rats had studied, the corridors above and below as well as the ventilation system that led to the cells. They'd be able to get him out if it came to that. She just hoped with Adama calling him son, there wouldn't be a need. She truly doubted they would ever drum him out of the service. They needed his abilities. He was irreplaceable in the cockpit and the family could manage even if he was busted down to an ensign.

She remained in her position, plotting out her own ways to resolve this situation. The frightening thought was the fact that moving to the Zakar would actually help the family if this got uglier than it already was. They could fill most of the billets with people they trusted, transfer off those they didn't. Apollo would do almost anything for Starbuck, and if he wouldn't, they could take the ship from him, although that was a long shot. Starbuck would follow Apollo anywhere, maybe even to his own tribunal for murder like he had before over some triad game and a guy winding up dead.

She had heard the story from Boomer, but she had a hard time believing that Starbuck had allowed himself to go to the brig on his own two feet. But then again, she'd seen first hand the loyalty he bestowed on the Commander. That would be the hard part, getting Starbuck to defy Adama. If the Commander ordered him to his death, Starbuck would salute and gladly go with the man's blessing because it was the honorable thing to do.

She uncrossed her arms, looking down at her stomach that was beginning to look like more than just extra weight. She rubbed her left hand over it, letting the stones of her star ring glint in the harsh light of the Life Center. She was pretty sure she had more pull now than the Commander on Starbuck's loyalty, but she'd save that trump card for last. She had some bit of conscience inside her and didn't want to have to use the kid against her new husband, at least not too often. It wasn't needed yet. She had enough dirt on Pallus to justify the man's death for any tribunal. If Starbuck played his cards right, he could just claim self defense. The earlier fight on the Rising Star might complicate things, but if she planted illicit goods in Pallus' quarters, that might balance the scales. She could get that accomplished before the day was done. She plotted out at least three good and untraceable deaths for Pallus and his cronies while she waited and watched Jake sleep.

It was only two centaurs before Starbuck was back, his face stern and unreadable. He took a seat beside her, reaching for her hand. His knuckles were bruised and swollen. She resisted the urge to ask him what happened. He'd tell her if it was important.

"How's he doing? You okay?" he asked not meeting her eyes. He didn't offer up any explanation of where he had gone and what he had done.

"I'm okay. He's been out since you left," she answered softly squeezing his hand twice. "You?"

"The boys are back. I left them with Crius. I'm going with the commander over to the Celestra later and I'll stop by the Rising Star on my way back and pick up our things. You stay here with Jake."

It wasn't an answer but it told her enough.

"You should know, Cassie called someone about you after you left."

"Why?" He asked the question, but didn't seem to care to know the answer. His eyes were glued to Jake's face avoiding her. His anger hadn't diminished. She could practically hear it bubbling like a pot about to boil over.

"She seemed to think you were going to kill someone. Did you?"

He didn't answer her at first and she had to squeeze his hand before letting go and asking the question in hand signs.

Starbuck shook his head no, but he didn't look pleased about his answer. It helped to explain why he was still seething with rage.

"Good. Leave the dirty work for the Sewer Rats. We know how to get it done and make it look like an accident."

Starbuck shook his head again and sighed heavily. "I'll take care of it. You just work on staying out of harm's way, understood?"

It was her turn to shake her head. "Not exactly what I am good at. You know that. I mean, how long did you think it was going to take before Dante's followers poisoned this fleet?"

That earned her a look, half indignation at her suggestion that Adama's warriors could be so easily corrupted, half concerned that she might be right.

"Over my dead body," he snarled.

Rene nodded. "Exactly. Someone's going to die. I'd rather it be them. I have nothing to lose. What can they do? I'll take so many of them down with me with what I know. What's the worse they can do to me? I like the brig."

Starbuck just huffed before rubbing at his eyes with one hand and squeezing the bridge of his nose. "Couldn't we at least have had that honeymoon before the felgercarb hit the fan?"

It sounded like an accusation and she couldn't help to defend herself. "I didn't start this."

He took in a deep breath rubbing at a temple before he spoke. "I know. But this isn't fun and games anymore."

Her own anger rose at his words. He hadn't been there, he didn't understand and she was mad she was going to have to explain it to him. "It never was Bucko. If it was just fraking, that would have been no problem. Lord knows I've fraked for lesser reasons than being saved from the Cylons. I'm just a slut you know, nothing I won't do for a cubit or two. But this was never about pilots just getting laid."

"Don't!" he growled casting her a harsh glare.

"Don't do what? Say the truth? You keep telling me not to lie," she growled back not really wanting to fight with him, not here with Cassie watching, but it might be time he knew what they had dealt with since it seemed to be starting up again.

"Don't talk about yourself like that. I don't see you that way and you're not a slut."

She shook her head. "Who's not? Me or the girl you want me to be? Did that pretty white dress with all the ruffles convince you too that I'm a sweet young thing? Wow, I'm a better actress than I give myself credit for. And be honest Bucko, that's not what you want, some chaste little girl. You seem to like all the things I've learned playing their fraking games while they had their fun. You like a good slut."

"Don't," he said again, but it lacked the venom of before. He ran his fingers through his hair before he looked to her, his eyes steely blue. "I know what you're doing here, pushing me away because you think it will keep me safe, but I'm not going anywhere. You don't want to admit it, but I know you better than you know yourself."

"What do you know?" she challenged, but her words lacked the anger she'd felt just a moment before. Now she was just tired. She didn't want to fight with him, not when she had so many others out there waiting to do battle.

"I know you let them win so they'd leave all the others alone. You took the hits because you could take it. You could have left or simply killed them all, but you aren't that heartless. You know they're not completely evil, that some part of them can be good, or at least helpful to saving the human race. Plus, you think you deserved what happened to you, some sort of punishment for whatever you did in your past. You don't like the pain. You just think it equals things out."

Her breath caught at his words, a sharp pain in her chest like he'd actually shot her in the heart. She looked to him in disbelief to find his eyes on her, performing his own deep scan of her reaction.

"See, I know you." The words should have been mocking and playful, but instead they sounded just as tired as she felt.

She nodded, tried to say that he'd won this round, but still couldn't find the breath to get the words out. She just nodded again as he squeezed her hand twice.

"We are not going to fight each other, understood? We are not going to let the frustration and anger divide us. You're going to trust me to take care of this. This will not happen again."

He seemed so sincere as he said the words. She could tell by the change in his eyes from steely hard to a soft deep blue he honestly believed what he said. She wanted to believe too. The naive hope was hard to swallow, but it kept the caustic laughter contained in her chest like a stopper in a bottle.

"I will take care of this," he said again looking away to the door of the Life Center. Rene didn't get a chance to reply as Adama came into the center. He did not look pleased, a rare frown creasing his features as he strode purposefully to them.

"Lieutenant, care to tell me why Apollo says I should ground you and see that you remain contained until he reports to the Galactica?"

"No sir." The words were tossed out like a dare.

Rene nearly gasped. She'd never heard him be insolent to anyone in the fleet, least of all to his heroic Commander.

Adama did not seem surprised by Starbuck's surliness. "I see. And the call I received from the Life Center that you had left with the intent of causing someone harm is not related to Apollo's request?"

"No sir."

"Starbuck." Adama shook his head ruefully. "Under the circumstances, you are off the investigation. You will wait here for Apollo. Lieutenant Rene, you and I need to have a conversation."

She pulled herself up straight. He had never used that tone with her and klaxons began to blare down her spine. He did not wait for her reply.

"You will be detailing for me every abuse that has happened to you since being rescued from the Colonies. You will give names and details. Your only option is to whom you wish to give the information. It will either be me, Colonel Apollo, or Dr. Dixon. That is the only choice I will be giving you."

She blinked, feeling the terror grip her throat as tight as Agenor's meaty fist. She could feel his other hand twisting in her hair, the roots tingling as he pulled. A shiver crept down her arm, ending in a shake of the hand that Starbuck held.

"Sir," Starbuck said in warning, but Adama cast Starbuck a harsh look before speaking.

"This does not involve you, Lieutenant and you have no say in the matter."

Rene nearly yelped at the sudden crushing squeeze Starbuck gave her hand as he spat out, "She's my wife!"

The Commander answered sharply, "And she's my warrior. Her commitment to the Colonial Service supersedes your wishes."

She couldn't breathe. The shock that jolted her was nearly as painful as what those bubble headed Cylons had done to her. She looked from Starbuck to the Commander, not believing what she was witnessing. She knew Starbuck would come to her defense, but she couldn't have ever predicted that it might be to save her from Commander Adama. Starbuck looked ready to kill the man he worshipped.

The moment stretched out and her lungs screamed for air. She wheezed as she tried pull a breath in past the tension. Adama's gaze softened at the sound, but he spoke to Starbuck.

"We need to have our evidence before we can prosecute anyone. What she knows can help justify stronger charges and to stop further violence."

Starbuck let go of her hand and she felt like she was free falling from an airlock. Before she could ask him to not make her do this, to at least be there with her, Adama spoke again.

"You will be given whatever you need to assist you in your account, anything that might make this easier. I can guarantee complete confidence in the matter."

She drew a slow breath wondering what it would take, ambrosia, plant vapors or freighter full of narcotics. He wouldn't be offering any of those, so what did he mean? Her words wouldn't be secret, they would become public record and everyone would know she was the one who had ratted out everyone.

"I will give you one centaur to prepare. You will report to my office and you will…"

"Dixon." She blurted out the name.

"I suspected that would be your choice. He will be arriving shortly." Adama shifted his gaze to Starbuck. "I know you thought you were resolving matters with your actions, but you may have complicated the investigation. I understand your desire to protect your own, but Starbuck…" The Commander didn't finish the sentence, sighing deeply and shaking his head. "How is he doing?"

"Same sir," Starbuck answered. "Rene and I need to get cleaned up before facing all this. On your way to your shuttle, could you alert my family that we need a few of them to stand watch?"

"Why don't you remain and I will escort Rene back to your quarters."

Starbuck asked her with a look if that would be acceptable. She was hoping he would offer up another insolent reply, but he seemed have lost the ability to stand up to his hero. She knew why. He wanted to know too what she had gone through with Dante's fleet. He would also like an accounting with a list of names he could target with his righteous indignation. She looked away, cursing softly.

"This needs to end Rene," he said reaching for her and squeezing her hand hard.

This was not his fault so she tried to keep her voice flat and emotionless as she answered. "Just because I tell you all about it, that doesn't make it any better. For me, this never ends."

He considered her for a moment, began to speak, then stopped. He began again, softly, easing up his grip on her hand as he spoke. "No, I suppose it doesn't. But if you tell us, it might not start for someone else."

Just like that, he had changed sides. His fidelity was to his Commander rather than to her. She looked away, her gaze by chance landing upon the medtech whose eyes were upon her. The words "I told you so" echoed in her head.

She was on her feet as if by instinct, shaking off Starbuck's grip on her hand.

"Rene?" His voice sounded distant to her, crackling across a commline after she had left him far behind.

She didn't look back as she headed for the door to the life center, Adama calling out to her to slow down. "You better catch up old man," she thought to herself, "because I am out of here." Starbuck was right, she could just leave, go anywhere. She ran down her mental list of the supplies they would need. It would be nice to have a large ship of their own for the journey, but that wasn't really necessary, just vipers and she could take them to any number of worlds just in the Dilmun sector alone. She didn't have much time to plan though, just a centaur. It would be enough. Once she got Crius on it, they could be gone before anyone could stop them.

She rounded the corner of the corridor for her quarters and halted in shock. There were two guards outside the door. She did a quick about face and headed towards the Council chambers to find the hallway to the family's temporary quarters guarded by two more well armed men.

Adama read her mind as he replied, "It's for your protection. I am taking your accusations seriously."

She balled up her fists. She was pretty sure Adama wouldn't put her in the brig for hitting him, but he would if she stunned a few of the fleet security guards. She spun back to go to her quarters. She could find another way out if necessary, but Adama blocked her way.

"Lieutenant, you are not under arrest. I am here to help you. Your safety and well being matters to me greatly."

"Felgercarb!" She spat the words as Adama reached out for her. She ducked the hand taking a step back while still aware of the armed guards at her back.

"Rene?" His voice was soft and calm. It was hard for her to hear it above the klaxons raging in her body. "Rene, I am on your side. All I am asking from you is information, for you to tell us what happened. Once that is done, you are free to go where ever you wish."

The caustic laughter burst forth from her like vomit. She couldn't think of anything to say to the man except curses. She didn't hold them in, spewing them as they burned her throat. "Frak this, mother fraker. You don't have any fraking clue of the mong pile of felgercarb this is, you fraking son of sagan!"

They had no effect on the man as he gave her a smile much like the being in white John would, sympathetic and patronizing. She wanted to scream at him, but like a splash of ice water in the face, she knew it was pointless and childish.

"Think," she said aloud. "Fear is the mind killer. Think. Breathe."

Adama moved aside, pointing back towards her quarters. "I will stay with you until Dixon arrives."

She took in a deep breath, letting it silence the alarms inside her before she took the steps to her quarters. She ignored the guards as she keyed the door, gestured for the Commander to enter. Once in the chambers she pointed to a chair.

"Starbuck would be angry if I didn't offer you a drink. The kitchen is that way. I'm taking a turbo." She didn't wait for a reply before grabbing a uniform and escaping to the safety of the turbo wash. She turned on the water before crumpling to the floor cursing. She only lay there for a centon or two.

"It's just talking," she heard a voice reasoning with her that sounded an awful lot like Dixon. "It's just talking. They can't hurt you anymore. It doesn't hurt to talk."

She got up, stripped off the uniform and stepped into the turbo. It was just talking, she could do this, and when done, she was gone.


	7. Chapter 7

As the water ran out, she heard voices in the other room. She wondered if Starbuck had been relieved from his watch of Jake to come and rescue her, but then she remembered the look of reproach he had cast her. He agreed with the Commander that it was long past time to talk about the events of the past. He wasn't going to come.

It was none of Adama's business what happened to her on the Zakar or on Dilmun. It wasn't even Starbuck's right to know and she'd sealed with him. She wasn't going to play this game and even if she did talk, they wouldn't understand. Both men were so wrapped up in that pathetic old Colonial Creed dictating that human life was sacred, that they wouldn't be able to even comprehend that some people were like rabid daggits; you just had to put them down. Dante and his lackey's actions were unforgivable, and she knew that Starbuck and Adama would come to the same conclusion about her resolutions to the problems. She'd made her peace with it before she acted. She didn't lose sleep over her decisions. Like the bodies, what she had done in response should remain buried in the past.

She stepped out of the turbo and struggled into her pants knowing soon it would be time to give up the regular uniform and switch to the coveralls of the flight deck crew that afforded her growing stomach more room. She had to settle for leaving the tunic untucked and a hair tie woven through the button hole to the button to hold her pants up. It was not how she wanted to face this, half dressed with her pants around her ankles. It served as a bitter reminder that she couldn't just grab a viper or a shuttle and fly away. Where could she go that might have decent medical care? She was going to need it for this delivery more than the others. All the blessings in her life came with complications.

Listening through the door, she heard one voice rise that was not Adama's. Curiosity got the better of her. She opened the door to find Dixon actually dressing down the Commander.

"You cannot order her to tell you anything and there is no legal action you can take if she lies or chooses to keep any information to herself. As her Commander, you can ask for the information and put her on report if she fails to comply, but you cannot force her to give you any information she doesn't want to."

"Then she will be on report until she is more forthcoming," Adama answered casting her a scowl as she entered the room. "I am not asking for the information as a form of punishment, but rather to get to the bottom of the problem and to stop further violence."

Dixon waved her over, pointing to a chair. Rene complied with the request taking the seat and noting that a drink was waiting for her. It didn't smell like fruit juice and she felt a bit better. Starbuck wasn't coming to her rescue, but it seemed Dixon was.

Better than the drink and the rescue was the shock Adama tried to hide at her following Dixon's orders without question. She gave the Commander a smug smile, but Dixon caught it.

"Do you want my help or not?" he asked gruffly. She dropped the grin and tried to remember the rules and regulations that Starbuck had insisted she read. It was a good memory, a night when Starbuck had taken a datapad to bed with them, trying to read passages to her as she teased him with kisses.

"You need to pay attention!"

He had tried to be stern with her, but his sing song voice as he read from the manual told her to keep going. "In the event of a tribunal, you will be provided with a protector. You will have twenty four centaurs, Rene, seriously, that tickles."

"Aren't you my protector?" she had purred while brushing her fingers up and down his chest. "I don't need to know all that, I just need to know you."

Dramatically he had tossed the datapad aside and recited from memory the next part, but all she could remember were the deep kisses he had given her as he quoted, "You have the right to see the evidence against you." He had raised an eyebrow challenging her as he rolled her to her back, pressing his body against hers. He kissed her deeply for almost a centon before pulling back. "You have the right to gather and present your own evidence." She had smiled seductively at that, reaching a hand down to stroke him and he dropped his mock indignation, smiling broadly. "That is very good evidence. You also have the right to remain silent, but I like it when you tell me what you want." His lips had been so sweet that night.

Dixon's voice jerked her from the memory. "And what if some of that information incriminates the Lieutenant in a crime, then what?" Dixon didn't wait for the Commander to answer. "As a civilian she can use statues from our laws to avoid consequences of self-recrimination, but as a warrior, those laws don't apply. Then what?"

"Colonial Military Code does not supersede basic human rights," Adama answered vaguely.

"Actually, according to the military regulation M-132, it does. Unless you have the writ from a military tribunal demanding her testimony, there is nothing she has to tell you."

The Commander who sighed loudly before softening his features. "This is a request, made in the best interest of her and her family. I can provide the writ guaranteeing none of the information will be used against her at a military or civilian tribunal. Will that satisfy you?"

Dixon shook his head. "Not really. I am a civilian psychiatrist, not a legal expert. It is up to her how we proceed from here." He turned to her. "At this point I actually recommend you follow your instinct from when we first met. Resign from the service."

When she had made the suggestion on the Zakar, she had been angry and not really in her right mind. She had tossed it out just to test and see how far she could push back, but since then, too many others had latched onto the idea to make it enviable now.

As Dixon suggested it now, she waited a micron or two to see if Adama would object, but he remained silent, not asking her to stay in the service or agreeing with the resignation. His face was as blank as the gray walls of the Galactica and unreadable. It raised her heart rate in alarm. But then his eyes turned soft, the fatherly guise falling into place, pleading with her to make the right choice. It struck a chord in her, and suddenly the desire to unburden her soul was a soft siren song echoing inside some dark chamber of her heart.

She found herself shaking her head. No, she couldn't tell the him her secrets. If Adama knew how many lives she had ended, how devious she could be, he would treat her differently. If Starbuck knew? She shuddered as she imagined her new husband's eyes turning from loving and trusting, to wary and suspicious. The only thing worse would be Apollo's judgement and how it could take her husband from her.

"You owe him," Starbuck's voice echoed in her mind. "If it weren't for Adama, the family would be in storage closets, or worse, you'd still be on Dilmun with the bastard." She shook her head, rejecting Starbuck's advice. She might owe the Commander some loyalty, but she wouldn't confess all her sins to him. She found she wanted the man's respect.

She pulled her eyes away from Adama, nearly cursing. She had let him see her weakness and it was a flaw many of the Rats had. They had all been fatherless, or worse, had a lousy one. Each of them had a desire for someone to fill the void in their lives. It didn't help any that Starbuck treated Adama like he was one of the Lords of Kobol and the commander called him son. Now she was actually seeking his approval and for reasons other than to please Starbuck. Could it be the fact that this fleet was larger, and yet Adama was able to maintain order and act as a protector and guardian for them all?

No, he was not a god, just a man. And Adama couldn't be her father. He already had kids and she would be where she was before, a charity case.

No, he was her Commander and it was time to remind him of those boundaries. She looked to Dixon. "They won't let me fly if I do. Civilians don't get to own vipers," she answered.

"They aren't letting you fly now." Dixon stated the obvious.

"I am trying to think about the future," she replied.

"As am I," Adama said without hesitation. "We need to break the patterns of the past."

It was an effort to not look at Adama. By the tone of his voice she knew he would have the same look she often saw burning in Starbuck's eyes, a blaze of righteous indignation that burned brighter by the true belief that he could fight evil single handed. On Starbuck, the conviction was touching and made her love him all the more. But on Adama she thought it insipid, making the Commander into a daft old man.

How could he fail to understand what she had grasped at an early age that evil wasn't just one person, or even just a few that could be rounded up, punished and forced to change their ways. It resided in everyone and needed very little encouragement to grow. The Commander was educated. He had seen the twelve worlds and more. Yet he naively acted like he hadn't even been at the destruction of their worlds when she knew damn well he'd had a ring side seat. For Sagan's sake, he had even watched those old idiots sign the peace accord. How could he not have known? Was it something that happened when you grew white hair, you lost the ability to recognize evil when it came cloaked in the guise of peace?

No, Apollo and Boomer, hades even Starbuck had the same problem and they were far from old. It wasn't a Colonial Warrior trait, at least not the ones she had met in Dante's fleet. Bojay and Sheba didn't have that problem either. So why did those closest to the Commander lose their minds? Even Nik was beginning to be swayed to Adama's ideals. Was it like with Dante, if you mimicked his words and actions you earned more privileges? That was true with Dante, but she knew it wasn't true of Adama. He was fair and honest.

"Frak, now I'm doing it," she mumbled.

Dixon shot her a concerned look, but she shook her head at him. Dixon read her mind, sensed that she might be willing to share some information, and he spun back to Adama.

"I need some assurances this will not be used in a tribunal. The methods I am going to use aren't allowed in civilian trials. And," he held up a hand as Adama began to speak, "I'm only doing this because Rene needs to deal with her past, not for vindication or reprisals. She and I will decide what information you receive and how it is used, understood?"

Adama took a deep breath before nodding. "Understood. My goal is to put a stop to the abuse of my warriors and to protect the citizens of the fleet. I was told you hold the same desires, and I trust that you will know what needs to be done."

Adama turned away from Dixon and took a step towards her as she resisted the urge to bolt from her chair. He only took two paces, then halted as his features softened. "You are part of my family. I will protect you as best I can, but I need to know where the monsters are hiding before I can vanquish them."

She nodded, thought of a thousand sarcastic quips to fling at him, but couldn't do it. Adama didn't understand that he was lying. He believed his words, but she knew it was impossible. The Commander couldn't even keep them safe from the enemy outside the fleet, how could he keep them safe from the ones already amongst them.

She looked to Dixon who nodded as if he knew what she was thinking. She turned back to Adama who was waiting for her answer. "Without the Cylons, none of this would have occurred. Stick to fighting them for now. I will take care of the rest."

Relief washed over Adama's features as he assumed her words meant that she would tell Dixon everything.

"Thank you." He nodded before turning for the door, but Dixon stepped to block his exit.

"Sir, there is something you have failed to recognize in Rene and her friends. I think this is as good a time as any to warn you of that oversight."

"Oversight?" Adama puzzled over the word.

"How many complications would you have had if Dante had lived? Would you have been able to deal with all the issues and integrate his warriors as easily as you have?"

Adama stepped back in surprise. The Commander spun his head to look to Rene, back to Dixon, and back again, before squaring his shoulders and addressing Dixon. "Innumerable complications, but if you are asking for my gratitude at the man's death then I am afraid…"

Dixon cut him off. "The Rats are problem solvers, and perhaps the best kind. They will resolve issues that you aren't even aware you have, and they will take whatever means necessary to see that they are solved forever. Do you understand?"

"What are you suggesting? I let the Copper Squadron resolve this as they have in the past and I let the bloodshed continue?"

Dixon shrugged. "Isn't putting Warriors on the prison barge a kind of death? No, what I'm saying is that I think you have failed to recognize how creative and capable the Rats are at getting what they want. They've been underestimated in the past and it has led to tragedy. Do you understand?"

The air in the small room crackled with the intensity of Adama's admonishing gaze. Rene almost muttered a prayer of thanks that the Commander didn't shift his stare to her. The microns stretched before Adama broke the connection of whatever secret conversation he and Dixon were having. He nodded sagely. "I'm beginning to, but I can't help them find more peaceful options if I don't know who and what I am dealing with."

By the scowl on his face, it was not the answer Dixon wanted, but he moved aside to let the Commander leave the chambers. He turned towards her and took the other seat at the table, pulling out a recorder. He didn't turn the recorder on, just set the device on the table between them before leaning back.

"Stop grinning," he said.

It was a bad habit that others had tried to beat out of her. Everyone was right, she was a bad winner. She wiped the grin from her features. "What now?"

"This is up to you. I think it would be good for you to talk about secrets you have kept too long," Dixon said softly, almost in a whisper.

The words shredded the last of her grin as she met his eyes. They were dark and deep, the eyes of a man who knew more about tragedy than any soul should. It was what they had in common, she supposed as she sighed. "It won't change what has happened or what may happen."

"Actually, it might. I am going to use hypnosis to get at the truth you refuse to admit."

"Hypnosis?" She felt a chill crawl up her spine as the image of the rods of the Cylon mind probe descended upon her. "No." She shook her head violently as she felt the grip of the centurions threatening to crush her arms.

"It's not what you think. It doesn't work like they show in the vids."

"I don't care. I've had enough things messing with my mind. I don't need you doing it too." She reached for the drink and downed it before meeting his gaze again.

He quirked an eyebrow as he asked, "Does that include all the things you do to yourself?"

She slammed the glass down on the table as she got to her feet. "I need to get back to Jake."

"Sit back down and save the drama for the IFB."

She growled, but sat back down wondering if Dixon had already planted a subliminal command in her head that made her do what he told her to do. Like hades was she going to admit to him or to herself that talking with him actually made things better. But since he already knew most of her darkest thoughts, she might as well tell him all her secrets. She could kill him later if he violated her trust.

"You know that talking about it will make it easier to live with, that's why you're staying and doing this," he stated, reading her mind again.

"But Jake…."

He cut her off. "They'll come get you if something important happens. Now get comfortable and start at the beginning." He reached out to turn on the recorder.

She sat there trying to think of a way out of this. Dixon allowed her a moment before he got up, headed into the food prep area, coming back with a bottle of ambrosia. He poured her another drink, but as she reached out to take the glass, he spoke.

"Leave it on the table. We will use it as your focal point."

Rene shook her head, wondering herself why she couldn't rebel against this man like she did all the others. "This isn't going to help anyone. I don't know who did it, and if I had to guess, it's people who are already dead."

Dixon took on his doctor demeanor. It was a calm pond that the rocks she hurled in frustration wouldn't even ripple. "You don't think it was anyone who made it to the fleet? What about Pallus?"

Shaking her head, she grumbled again, "Maybe, but this isn't going to help anyone." She looked to the glass as she debated reaching out for the bottle.

"When we're done."

She shivered at the uncanny way he knew her thoughts, and also at the fact that she found it more comforting than unsettling. Dixon had become a part of her world, maybe more a member of the family than Adama or Apollo ever would be.

"Why didn't you come to the party?" she asked, suddenly hurt by the revelation that she hadn't seen him there, and she had looked for his familiar face in the crowd.

"We're too close already," his soft voice sounded regretful.

"Yeah, I guess. So you know everything already and we don't need to do this," she replied finding her escape route and taking it.

"Yes, and no. You've told me what you have dealt with on the Zakar, but what you haven't talked about is probably more urgent right now. We can deal with the humans in your life, but the rest," he paused before reaching out for the recorder and flicking it on. "This is for me, not them," he said waving a hand at the device, "I want to be able to remember all that we discuss. I did what you said to do and summoned him. He…he answered." Dixon's normally steady voice trembled.

Rene leaned towards him. "And what do you think he is?"

"The Count and I had an interesting conversation. You're right, he appears as human, but I don't think you are correct in that he is a god or a demon. I hold with Adama's opinion that he might be an entity from a more advanced civilization. I saw him before when he was in the fleet. His intent I think is more selfish than evil, which begs the question, what does he need us for, or more specifically you?"

Rene's mind ran over all the implications of Dixon's account. In all her yahrens of dealing with the Count, no one else had seemed to see him until the Galactica came along. She had gotten the story about their first encounters with Iblis from Starbuck in bits and pieces, but he was hesitant to talk about the events surrounding Iblis and the ship of lights. She didn't know if that was because the story ended with Apollo's death, or if it was that it came too close to him giving her the coordinates for Earth. Starbuck had equated Rene finding Earth with the idea of her leaving him for good. It was untrue. If she went anywhere, especially to Earth, he'd be coming with her.

She sat back at the revelation. She couldn't go forward without Starbuck by her side, and that limited her options. Was that love, realizing you can only go in one direction and your choices are few?

She felt Dixon's eyes upon her, and met them again. "Iblis wants something from me, but I think the bigger question is why he can't do it for himself. Why does he need not just me, but the fleet? I can't figure it out, but I'm not sure I can say no for much longer."

"Then why can't we say yes?" Dixon asked. The words slid down her spine like cold water.

She found herself shaking her head again. "It just doesn't feel right. I don't know why, it just…" she shook her head chasing the idea away. "You think hypnotizing me is a good idea now that you have summoned him?"

"Yes, because you are right. He can't enter your mind unless you let him. He disappeared when I denied him. He needs us to want him, to need him."

She winced. "I think I might need him."

"And that is what we need to deal with, why you think you need him and what he may have done to you and for you. You want freedom don't you?"

She swallowed down the desire to run as he offered her what she truly desired, to be free to make her own decisions without feeling she owed someone or something the lives of those she loved. She nodded, not trusting her voice to answer.

"Then lean back, get comfortable, and look into the glass on the table. Really look at its contents, the swirls of color." His voice took on soothing tones and she found herself following it down into the depth of the glass before things became blurry and then she slipped away.

She woke to the snap of his fingers, feeling surprisingly refreshed as if she had slept for eight centaurs or more. For some reason she expected her chambers to look different, brighter maybe. It took a moment before she realized it was the sense of relief, as if the weight of guilt had been lifted from her shoulders and she could take a deep breath. She felt the need to check a chrono as a sense of urgency returned. She needed to get back to Jake.

"It's only been a centaur," Dixon said.

"Oh, uh, that was interesting," she said, wondering what she had said as she had no memory of the last centaur.

"Yes, it was," Dixon reached for the recorder, shutting it off. He put it in his pocket and stood up preparing to leave..

"Don't I get to listen to it?" she asked, standing, thinking they should maybe talk about what she had said, or what it all might mean.

"Later, not today. I need time to process what we talked about, but I do have some advice based on what you told me," he said, his eyes looking at her warily. He asked her a question rather than providing advice. "Of all the people you have killed, which one bothers you the most?"

The sense of relief was washed from the room by a tidal wave of regret. She choked, trying to draw air as she felt herself go under. She reached out to grab the table as the word escaped as a mere whisper, "Ari."

"You didn't kill him," Dixon stated, but the words weren't true. She shook her head, then froze as Dixon stepped towards her and wrapped his arms around her. He pulled her close as he leaned down, his voice low and directly in her ear.

"You didn't kill the others either, even though you called on him to help you. He did. He doesn't need you, you need him."

The truth of Dixon's statement jolted through her like the energy Iblis had shot at her. She felt it enter her, settling into her heart, crackling with its potential. She could use him, like she had before.

She pulled back in surprise, but Dixon held on, pulling back only enough to meet her eyes. "Not yet. Wait. That's my advice. Wait until we know just where we can use him best to save us all. Can you do that? Can you promise me?"

She nodded earnestly. "Yes."

He let go then, looking away in embarrassment, acting as if he was about to apologize. "I'll call on you later today, but we should see if your friend wants to talk about what happened." Uncharacteristically, Dixon mumbled the words as he made for the exit. "You'll be okay."

She felt the waters of guilt recede.

In their wake a new sense of hope began to creep in. "Yeah, I think I will be."


	8. Chapter 8

The IFB was going to have a heyday with this, Starbuck thought to himself as he watched Jake's hands clench into fists in his sleep. It wasn't news of the attack he was worried about as he knew Adama would make sure that remained private. No, it was the look of betrayal that flashed in Rene's eyes before she shut him out and stalked out of the Life Center. He'd seen that look on her face before, and it usually ended in someone's death. He didn't think she'd kill him, but that might only be because they were still technically on their honeymoon. He was more worried that this might be a really short marriage, and the IFB would love to film that drama too as Rene dissolved their sealing.

Should he have taken Rene's side and defended her? He had tried to but he couldn't deny the Commander's logic. They needed to know what had happened to her. It wasn't too late to prosecute a few of the abusers.

If he was honest with himself, it wasn't legal proceedings he was really interested in. He had other ideas that he wanted to mete out that were a lot more severe than time on a prison barge. By the looks of Jake's clenched fists, he was dreaming up some good ways to deal with the borays.

He knew he should be more mature about this and do things the right way since he was being promoted to Captain, but like the Rats, he didn't have much trust in the system, not after Ortega. Sure, going to the Zakar and attacking Pallus was a juvenile impulse, but he was still glad he'd done it. It wasn't completely irresponsible. Pallus had a part in this, he was sure of it.

But he could hear Apollo's voice in his head, "When are you going to grow up. You can't just hit every problem that comes up." Well he had matured, albeit only recently. He was still marveling to himself how in a few short sectars he had achieved his dreams. He had a family to call his own, one that relied on him, and kids that called him dad. In a few short sectars he'd be holding his own child in his arms. For once things seemed to be going his way, and like Hades was he going to let anyone or anything frak with that.

"Don't lie," he admonished himself like he had done often with Rene, "You want to kill a few people, and they deserve it."

A shiver ran across his shoulders as he remembered his time in the brig when he was pretty sure he was going to be spending the rest of his life on the prison barge. "Just have to do this right. Be smart. There's a million ways to die," he thought to himself. "I mean for frak's sake, we are in the middle of a war."

Jake winced in his sleep, and Starbuck reached out a hand to him. The only words that came to him were the same ones he often said to little Leia, "There, there, it's going to be okay. Starbuck's here." The words felt silly. Jake wasn't a child, in fact, he probably hadn't ever been one. Much like himself, Jake had grown up too fast in a rough world. But the words had the same effect they did on his adopted daughter. Jake sighed in his sleep and his features softened as he relaxed at Starbuck's touch. "No one's going to frak with you again," Starbuck whispered under his breath.

He knew that to be the truth even if Rene never walked back through that door. He looked down on his left hand that was touching Jake's shoulder and the ring he was still trying to get used to. True blue, that was the color of the stone, the color of fidelity. He was committed not just to Rene, but to this, all of this. He would kill to keep it and no one was going to hurt his family again

He jumped at the knock on the side of the door frame to the room, looking up to find Apollo standing there. He pulled his hand back away from Jake, wondering how long his friend had been there.

Before he could stammer out a greeting, Apollo asked, "How is he doing?"

"He's okay, or he will be," he answered avoiding Apollo's gaze. His friend knew him too well and might read the murderous intent that was brewing in his thoughts.

"That's good. Now do you want to tell me what you hoped to accomplish coming over to my ship and attacking one of my crew?"

He met Apollo's eyes, trying to gauge how much trouble he might really be in. His friend didn't seem to be wearing his new Colonel-with-a-stick-up-his-astrum uniform today. He looked like his old wing mate. He could use that Apollo right now. The two of them could solve almost any problem with a bit of creativity. Colonel Apollo was too by the book for his tastes.

"Your ship? If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have that ship," he replied evading the question.

"You, Swashbuckler Starbuck, or would that be Pirate Rene I have to thank for commandeering it for me?" He took a step into the room, letting the door close behind him.

"She got it for me, a sealing gift. It's mine," he said petulantly, wary of Apollo's suddenly light tone while he was still sporting Colonel insignia on his collar.

"She may have gotten it for you, but it's mine now." Apollo took another step towards him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "It could be ours. My father and I think it is time for you to move over and apply your skills to the Zakar."

"And what skills would those be? The one's you're here to chew me out about?" He tested to see Apollo's reaction and relaxed when his friend chuckled lightly before answering.

"I haven't had much success in chewing you out. I actually find it best to distract you with some other activity like triad or pyramid. I'd like to keep you occupied with redesigning the Zakar to fit the needs of your family and the new fleet we are building." Apollo squeezed his shoulder. "You have a way with people that I don't. I need that skill right now."

Starbuck chuckled, "So you want me to hit a few more people, is that it? Colonel's aren't allowed to use their fists, but I am?"

"No," his friend drew out the single syllable before adding, "I was actually thinking about how you've been able to get the Copper Squadron to come together and act like Colonial Warriors. If you can get a rat to love you, I think you might be able to win over anyone, including Pallus."

Starbuck snorted at that one, "Doubtful and the radium from Caprica has made you forget Avery."

"I haven't forgotten it was Jake that lost his temper with the man. You kept your cool and Avery's men worship you right now."

"The ones that lived, yeah, sure, I mean, I did rescue them from a slow death either by Cylon starvation or radium sickness. What's not to love?" Starbuck rolled his eyes before meeting his friend's steady gaze. "You're serious."

Apollo grinned at him. "I've known you awhile now and you do go out of your way sometimes to annoy people, including me, but you always find a way to get everyone to work together, even the borays."

"Just have to think outside the box," he tapped his temple. "See, the trick is to realize that most people are selfish, and not dying is always in their best interests."

"Yes, well, I've tried that. Never seems to work for me, but you? You see potential I don't, like with Cassie and Chameleon."

Starbuck shook his head again as he didn't think those were the best examples his friend could have used as his relationship with Cassie crashed and burned, and Chameleon…well he hadn't figured out what to do with Chameleon.

Starbuck sighed. "So you really want me over there with Pallus and his cronies there?"

It was Apollo's turn to sigh. "No, you two don't mix well, that much is obvious, which is a shame because Pallus isn't a bad instructor."

"Yeah, I learned a lot from the Borays back on Serenity too. Doesn't mean I want to be living with them." He shot back noting that Apollo nodded to his assessment.

"We can arrange for some transfers if that will help. I need you."

Starbuck chuckled at the sentiment. "Ah Apollo, now you tell me. Well too late, buddy, I'm already sealed."

Apollo squeezed his shoulder again. "I need them too. I think I can share you for now."

Starbuck looked up at him nodding, before looking back to Jake. "I'm not sure if Rene will go, at least not until Cain goes off for his training, and maybe not even then. Jake's here in training and," he hesitated taking a deep breath. "Too much happened there on the Zakar. It's like walking into a horror show for Rene."

"Are you sure about that? I was there when she came over with Dixon and Gage. She's stronger than I think you give her credit for," Apollo offered, but Starbuck shook his head no.

"It's better for us here on the Galactica."

"Us, or you? Admit it Starbuck, you've never liked change."

"Really?" Starbuck snorted gesturing to Jake, "and yet here I am embracing a gazillion changes, and doing just fine, thank you for noticing." He looked up to find Apollo's condescending grin.

"Decking a superior officer is an indication that you're doing just fine? I'd hate to see what you do when you're doing great."

Starbuck shook his head. "No, you wouldn't. I deck Colonels. And besides, in this case superior officer is an oxymoron. He's not superior to me, not with what he's done in the past. I can't believe you would condone that!"

"Whoa there, Lieutenant," Apollo said, pulling rank, and there it was, the stick-up-the-astrum-Colonel-face. "I don't condone what he did. I wanted my father to look into the atrocities and level some charges, remember that? Everyone else said it was best to let it go, including you. So like it or not, Pallus outranks you, at least for now."

Starbuck felt his lip curl into a snarl. "He shouldn't be a Captain. That was just Dante promoting him so he'd stay loyal. Your father should have revaluated all those promotions."

"If he did, then your wife would still be a cadet and you would be facing charges for fraternization," Apollo said, his face softening back into a friendlier guise. "Not that I think she should be a cadet, or that I think Pallus should be a Strike Wing Captain. I agree with you, but we were in a situation and decisions had to be made. I think Crius made the right decision going back to his old rank but I also think a few promotions were needed, still needed, and that includes you, but you have to start acting like a Captain first."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm already doing the paperwork for it," he groused.

"Which is why it's overdue, and why I think a move over to the Zakar would be good change for you. Besides, you are going to all lose the council chambers here soon, and most of the single men like Giles, Jake and Boomer are going to have to go back to the real barracks, not the VIP suite you've converted."

Starbuck nodded, but it didn't mean any of that was going to happen or should happen. He cast a suspicious glare up at his friend. Apollo continued, sweetening the pot.

"And the Zakar is a blank slate with plenty of quarters that you could design any way you want."

Starbuck nodded, already picturing how they could dismantle most of officer row and repurpose it for the growing families, but then he shook his head. If Rene actually stayed sealed to him, she wouldn't want to go. "She won't go for it," he replied.

"Have you asked her?"

"A while ago, before Caprica. Feels like a lifetime ago," he replied remembering back to the night they were all gathered in his quarters and one by one they gave in to the idea.

"So, ask her again," Apollo said.

Starbuck shook his head. "Now's not a good time. Maybe in a few sectars or after the baby, but…"

"So, you have no problem confronting Pallus and accusing him of attacking Jake, but you're afraid of asking your own wife a question? Just ask her," Apollo interrupted, letting him know that the incident with Pallus hadn't been forgiven or forgotten.

"Now who has underestimated her?" Starbuck replied.

"We could ask her now," Apollo said, gesturing to the ward of the Life Center. Starbuck felt the fist that had been squeezing his heart let go as he saw Rene with Kalea in her arms talking to Nik and Dara. Dr. Dixon was with her and Starbuck wasn't sure if that was a good sign or a portent of disaster. His eyes tracked her, as he sent up his plea to the Lords for her to forgive him. When she finally looked for him, he couldn't read the expression on her face and he felt the fist tighten its grip again.

She handed a fresh uniform to Dara before she headed for the door to Jake's room. Dixon stayed behind talking to Nik and his wife. As Rene stepped into the small room, Kalea was reaching for Starbuck, calling his name. He got up, not knowing if he should take Kalea from her. He made an awkward attempt before settling for kissing the child on the head and leaving her in her mother's arms. Rene nodded at Apollo, but didn't speak at first as a silence filled up the room like rising water. Lords he was tired of swimming against the current.

"You okay?" he asked, trying to break the tension. She shrugged and he was afraid that would be all she would do.

Her voice was soft and flat when she finally spoke. "How is he? Any changes?"

"The same, out. How did it, um, go? You okay?" She wouldn't meet his gaze. That was fine with him right now because he was afraid of her pyramid face and the angry emotions it often hid. If she was avoiding him, it meant she hadn't made up her mind to dump him. "Are you talking to me or did I really frak it up?"

She briefly met his eyes, anger sparking before she gave a knowing look at Apollo and back, shaking her head no, before looking away, letting him know that she wouldn't say much until the Zakar Colonel left them alone. Kalea seemed to sense the tension, her big eyes regarding everyone in the room before proclaiming, "Daddy Jake has an owie."

"Yes, he does," Starbuck answered, "but he'll be better soon. We all will be." He debated if he should say anything more, when Apollo nudged him with an elbow to his ribs. Now was not a good time to bring up anything with Rene. He was just happy she was at least in the room with him. He didn't want to ruin what little he had at the moment, but Apollo nudged him even harder and he winced. Rene caught the movement casting him an inquiring look.

"Just ask her," Apollo hissed at him.

"It is really not a good time!" he hissed back, but Rene's raised eyebrows and narrowed eyes let him know he actually didn't have anything to lose and maybe Apollo had the right idea.

"He wants us to move over to the Zakar, now rather than later." He didn't add more as he watched the blue in her eyes turn an indistinct gray. "I told him it wasn't a good idea right now but he…" He shrugged, and stopped speaking not sure what else to say.

Rene's voice was soft as she asked, "Just us or all of us?" Her eyes shifted to Jake let him know she was asking about the whole family.

"Us is all of us," he answered, hoping she knew that he understood they were a package deal.

"We already said yes, so okay." She nodded and he felt some of the strain drain from the room.

"Okay? As in, you're okay with this?" he asked, reaching out to touch her lightly on the arm that was holding her daughter.

"Yeah, sure, okay."

She shrugged and Starbuck was afraid she would leave it at that, the Sewer Rat Shrug that meant literally nothing or everything depending on the situation. He looked at Apollo to give him the "I told you so" smug look, but instead he wound up giving him a look of surprise as Rene continued. "After Jake gets better and Cain goes off for training. The change would be good for Jason, and Dara would like different duties. Crius would be a good squadron leader given the chance." Her voice was still low and flat, but it was a full sentence and there hadn't been many of those since Caprica for reasons other than her being angry with him. "There's not much to move and Jake could do some of his training there. We'd need to talk to Giles and Maia, see what they want. Boomer could come too and we could probably convince Dietra."

Apollo nodded his own "I told you so" that had Starbuck wanting to slug him, but he turned his attention back to his wife, trying to gauge if her words were the truth or she was just saying what she thought Apollo wanted to hear. She nodded to him as if reading his mind before looking away again.

"Of course, that's what I told him. We can go when you say to go. Oh, and we get to redesign all the quarters since the ship is being refitted. We could put in a tub just like the Rising Star." He did his own sweetening of the pot, trying to get a good look in her eyes, but she only met his briefly before directing her gaze behind him to Apollo. There was a small gleam in them and his friend nodded at her and Starbuck was left wondering what message was being communicated across a channel he wasn't tuned to.

"So, it's a go," Apollo said, but the words were uttered with more weight than Starbuck thought they should hold. "The next few sectons should give me time to see that the Zakar is provisioned and ready for the family. I might need some help with that. I'm sure you could do without Starbuck for a centaur or two."

She nodded before looking back to Jake. "Yeah, I suppose."

"Great!" Apollo enthused. "We should get started. Ready, Starbuck?"

"Now? I think maybe I should be here, helping Rene and…looking after Jake. I haven't even cleaned up and…" he started to stammer as Apollo grabbed his arm, trying to lead him from the room. "Hey, wait, I'm still on my honeymoon!"

But the words didn't stop Apollo. "It will be like a honeymoon every day on your own ship. Like you said, she is yours. Let's go."

"But Rene? You okay? I mean, I should stay and…"

Dixon's entrance into the small room stalled his argument. "Gentlemen," Dixon greeted them curtly. "If you could give me and my clients a little privacy that would be appreciated."

"But, I…" As Apollo pulled at his arm, Rene reached out, handing him Kalea.

"Can you take her back to Lizbet and get Crius?"

As he took Kalea in his arms, he shot Apollo a withering glare. This was his place to be, at least it should be now that the sealing was formally and publicly official, but he was being pushed aside again and Apollo was making it worse.

"Starbuck!" Rene snapped at him and his head spun back to her, ready to put words to his thoughts, but she silenced him with a hand sign, one that said he wasn't in command here, she was. "You don't want to be here for this con..conversation. It will j…just…m…m..make you m…m..mad."

The returning stutter worked on him as effectively as a bucket of cold water. He handed Kalea off to Apollo to face Rene, taking her by the arms.

"Maybe I should be mad. This is not happening again, not on my watch, you got that?"

Nodding she uttered words that were contradictory. "But it did happen. And he's not going to say anything while you're here." She pointed to Jake, who's eyes were open and quickly shut again.

Sighing, Starbuck realized that Jake had probably been awake for a while, maybe for his whole conversation with Apollo. "Okay. I got it. Doesn't involve me. Not much does with you two."

Her eyes narrowed before she said softly, "I sealed with you, for everyone to see. Kn..kn…knock it off."

He glared right back and let his irritation meet hers, but he kept his words to himself. She may have sealed with him, but Jake was always going to come first.

"Starbuck," Apollo broke the staring match tapping his shoulder. "She's right. Come on. I'm sure Dixon will fill you in on what's important, as will your wife. There's something I need to show you."

He nodded at Rene, taking a hand off her arm to flash the sign meaning this wasn't over, not by a long shot. "I'll be back. I'll send Crius," he grumbled, letting Apollo lead him away.


	9. Chapter 9

In the corridor he took Kalea back from his friend, but the child sensed his anger and fidgeted wanting down. He set her down and she was off running down the corridor before he remembered that probably wasn't a good idea, not with the people Rene thought might want to do them harm to be found around every corner.

"Kalea! Wait!" he shouted as she ran out of sight. "Frak, Rene is going to kill me!"

He chased after the girl, coming around the corner to find someone else had already scooped her up. Starbuck growled as he realized it was none other than Deke from downtown Dilmun, one of the borays who had stunned he and Rene when she had landed on Dilmun looking for her children. It was Deke that had delivered them to Dante with the intent of seeing them in pain.

"Let her go!" he shouted as the man looked at him in shock.

Apollo had caught up to him, asking, "What's going on?" as Starbuck reached for Kalea, ripping her out of the man's arms.

"Hey! I was just catching her for you," Deke said as Kalea began to cry.

Starbuck tried to soothe her for a moment, while at the same time hissing, "Don't fraking touch her or any of the kids, you got that!"

"I was just trying to help, geez, calm down." Deke put his hands up in surrender, but Starbuck balled up a fist, cocking it back.

It was caught by his friend before he could deliver the blow.

"Starbuck! He was just trying to help," Apollo said pulling him back a step.

"He's one of them!" He spun on his friend, trying to explain.

"One of who? What is going on with you? You're scaring her," Apollo said as Deke turned to flee down the corridor.

"He's getting away!" Starbuck shouted, but Apollo didn't give chase, instead reaching out to rub Kalea's back to soothe her.

"He didn't do anything wrong. Calm down already. Here give her to me." Apollo took Kalea from his arms and Starbuck took the steps down the corridor to catch Deke, but his friend reached out holding him back. "You're jumping at shadows. He was helping."

"You don't know what he did! He stunned me then took Rene and me to Dante. It's because of him she was shot and I was flogged!" He tried to shake his arm away, but Apollo held on fast.

"That's not important right now."

"Not important?!" Starbuck sputtered trying again to move down the corridor, but his friend jerked him back hard.

"They've found us," Apollo whispered.

"What? Who?" Starbuck asked trying again to pull away before he froze at the look on his friend's face. "Oh frak!"

"Starbuck, not in front of the children." Apollo tried to cover Kalea's ears.

"Pretty sure she's heard worse, and will hear even more if what you're saying is true. Where? When? Why aren't we launching? Why are you whispering?" None of it made sense at the moment, but Kalea was reaching for him so he took her back into his arms and held on tight as now he was the one afraid.

"Because my father doesn't want a panic and we're not sure. I need your eyes on this. Come on, let's get her home so I can show you."

Silently he followed Apollo to the council chambers where he left Kalea in the care of Lizbet, sending Crius off to the Life Center, and tricking Kiff into letting him out the door with a game of hide and seek. He felt awful doing it, but the kid hadn't seen him since the sealing, and he wasn't letting go. Who knew four yahren olds could be so strong? Boomer was there, and Apollo insisted he needed to come as well.

It had been a long time since the three of them had been alone together. Things had changed drastically in his life since Dilmun disrupting the normal dynamics of his life. There was a time when he had counted as family just Apollo and Boomer, true blue friends since the Academy. They had done nearly everything together and he knew more about Boomer's daily routine than he thought he might ever know about the woman he was calling his wife. He, Boomer, and Apollo had bunked together for yahrens and there was a time when he couldn't be sure if he was wearing all his own clothes, or if some of them might be his buddies', they lived in such a small space. Nothing was private. They shared everything, even their thoughts and dreams.

Serina had been the start of the three drifting apart. Apollo hadn't seen that then, thinking Starbuck was being silly as he began to mourn the change of the way they were. Boomer had stayed silent on the matter at the time, but Starbuck didn't miss the wistful looks he'd cast at his friends, or the way he scheduled time for the three of them to be alone together, be it Triad or drinks.

But then it had happened to him too, a woman consuming all his time and attention. He hadn't noticed until now just how much Rene had pulled him apart from his old life. Boomer had followed him, but he didn't bunk with him anymore and he rarely saw Apollo. It did give him the space and opportunity to become someone different, without anyone calling him out on the changes in behaviour. But it also meant he had to be more intentional in his thoughts and feelings. Apollo and especially Boomer had been able to read him like a viper schematic and he didn't have to explain himself to them.

Starbuck had missed that, but he would love to miss it some more if it could mean what Apollo showed him in the briefing room would all just go away. He read the starfield that was before him on the briefing room wall, noting their course and finding himself counting for the first time just how many ships there really were in their new fleet.

"What am I looking at?" Starbuck asked as Apollo brought the scans up on the large briefing table, zooming in on an area in the rear of the fleet. It was a long-range scan, and at this magnification was blurry, but there was no denying that there were two round objects in the distance. "Could just be asteroids," he said as he reached to zoom in closer, but it didn't enhance the image any better.

Another scan flashed on the screen, the objects gone, then Apollo brought up another and the objects were back.

"Or comets," Boomer said with a tinge of hope in his voice.

"Or Father Yule," Apollo replied sarcastically.

Another scan came into view and one of the round objects had a bright flash beside it, possibly a raider launching or a weapons test. Whatever it was, it indicated this was mechanical and not just a floating piece of rock. Starbuck put a finger on the flash, quickly calculating the area of space it was located in and mentally plotting the course it would have taken or could possibly have come from.

"We need to change course," he stated. "We might still be able to out run them, or lose them if they haven't spotted us. The least we could do is pick a better position for the fight, maybe get the civilian ships in more defensive position. The mines Dante gave us might buys us some time."

"My father won't change course," Apollo answered.

"What? Why? Has he seen these?" Starbuck asked, reaching to bring up another scan.

"If it is base ships, they are pretty far behind us. We could easily lose them if they haven't scanned us," Boomer added.

"If we've scanned them, they've probably scanned us already. The fleet has grown in size. We are more obvious now. Stealth isn't going to help us, or at least that's what my father thinks. He may be right but he has other reasons as well," Apollo said as he brought up another scan, this one from directly in front of the fleet on its current trajectory. Again, another object was seen far in the distance. This time Boomer reached to zoom in, trying to make the image clearer. It was definitely a ship, but not the usual round of the base ships, this one more rectangular.

"That's not Cylon," Starbuck said.

"Actually, it might be." Apollo pressed a few keys on the panel and a schematic came up for a Cylon ship, an older model from before their time.

"Yeah, it could be," Starbuck mused, examining the schematics, noting they were somewhat similar to a Colonial destroyer. "But it could be one of ours. It has the same lines to it."

"You think it might be the destroyer from Dilmun?" Boomer asked.

Starbuck shrugged. "Doubtful. We all saw the Sabre go down. But the Erebus was never accounted for. We think the Typhoon was lost at Molecay but if Cain made it in the Pegasus, then…a destroyer is better built for that kind of battle. It's a possibility." He looked up from the scans to Boomer. "If Dante could find that many ships, there might be more of us out there, or he might have had more ships he hid away somewhere. The Galactica has run into more settlements. Maybe Dante did too? Or maybe he created more settlements of his own, like an escape route or a back-up plan? We know he left others behind. Not everyone knew what he was up to."

"But we can't assume it's ours, or that it's friendly even if it is," Apollo stated.

"Probably not," Starbuck answered reflecting back on the harsh lessons Dante had taught them about the fragility of loyalties in an apocalypse. "We need to take a recon patrol to find out. Is that why your father won't change course? He thinks it's ours?"

"I wish that was it. He doesn't want to veer from our path to Earth in any way."

"We're a long way from Earth, if it even exists." Boomer said.

Starbuck looked at his friend a little shocked before remembering that it was he, Apollo and Sheba that had their mysterious encounter with the beings of light. The other pilots had no memory of the Ship of Lights, just the deafening sound, being blinded, and then they awoke in a viper that had landed on the planet. Most of the fleet was following Adama on blind faith, and Boomer had never been blind, or very religious. He was a man of science that believed in facts. Sure, he didn't doubt that there might be a thirteenth tribe, and that the Book of the Word was a historical document, but he hadn't been an ardent follower. Starbuck realized he must have his doubts, he just hadn't voiced them as of yet, willing to believe the things his friends had been through were based in fact. He had even attributed Count Iblis's sway over the fleet to mass hypnosis, finding the texts and experts to back up his claim. He was the one who had brought out the astrophysics texts to try to explain to Starbuck that what Rene did wasn't just magic and fairy dust. Her abilities were grounded in physics and various theories and Peryton claimed he could replicate her rift if not her accuracy in navigating it.

The thought struck him like a triad ball in the chest, almost knocking the wind out of him. "Or we could make the trip shorter," Starbuck suggested, looking away from the scans to his old wing mate. "With what Rene could do, can do. That's what you're thinking, aren't you?"

Apollo nodded, before holding up his hand, stopping him from stating the obvious, that there was no way he was letting her back in a viper until the baby was born.

"I know what you're thinking, but that's not what I have in mind. I agree, she can't fly, not right now. But she's safe on the Zakar."

Starbuck rolled his eyes, as the implications were so out there it was almost ludicrous. "Did you not see that big bang in space she created with Peryton? You want to put the Zakar through that and find ourselves in a bazillion pieces? No way. Count me out on that one."

"The drone made it through just fine," Apollo reminded him.

"It was a drone. No living beings on it, remember. You're talking a whole battlecruiser full of people, full of MY people!" Starbuck raised his voice, but Apollo motioned for him to calm down.

"Hear me out, I think if we…"

Starbuck cut him off. "No, absolutely not. You want to test out theories of astrophysics, find Wilker or ..or…"

Apollo glared at him as he stammered.

"What? You think I'm being unreasonable? You willing to put your family through what she does?"

"I have. You came out just fine." Apollo gave him a smart astrum grin, before composing his features and looking more serious. "C'mon, Starbuck, this is me. Would I needlessly put lives at risk?"

"He's got a point," Boomer added, looking away from the scans.

"That's different," Starbuck grumbled.

"Yes, it was. Are you willing to listen? Because I have a plan that just might work and is safer than sneaking aboard a Base ship, which we survived by the way." Apollo didn't wait for his answer as he turned to the briefing table bringing up star charts and the various ships of the fleet, separating the ships out as if into squadrons. "The Shiva," he pointed to one set, "The Galactica," he pointed to a larger group, moving a ship that was the Sphinx to join them. "The Zakar," he moved the battle cruiser to in front of the group.

"Our strength is in our numbers," Starbuck said hesitantly as he began to see the plan form of dividing the fleet into multiple fighting groups. It made sense as while the Galactica had difficulties avoiding detection, especially with over 200 civilian ships trailing her, the Light Cruisers and Battle Cruisers were not only faster, but harder to detect. It was the civilian ships that were really the dead giveaway, but if they broke up those ships, it scattered and narrowed the targets, but it also divided their resources. "Staying together has been our key to survival." He echoed the Commander's words on numerous occasions.

"Is it? I'm not so sure. The Cylons outnumber us, always have, always will. Where have we succeeded?"

"By keeping it individualized and more creative," Boomer said building on Apollo's idea.

Apollo reached out again, pulling the Sphinx and few other ships away. "That's hard to do in a large fleet. We're really too big now, just a large target, but if we scatter, we become easier to manoeuvre…"

"It gives us more of a chance," Starbuck finished his friend's sentence. "They can't track us all down. We can send some of the fleet ahead, and behind. Hades, we could even pull a Commander Cain and swoop in unannounced. Rene could jump ships around and…" he paused thinking of the tactical advantages of being able to pop in and out at whim.

"We don't need Rene for that part of the plan, not yet," Apollo continued. "We don't have to try what Peryton thinks will work. We can wait until she can fly, and we do it the way she's been doing it."

"But they may not give us that time," Starbuck said. "Yeah, I see where you're going with this, but…" he shook his head.

"But it could work." Apollo looked up at him, the hope gleaming in his eyes. He looked like a kid plotting out the best routes to get candy in the neighborhood on Ghoul's Night.

He wanted to say no, but the two round objects in the scan at their backs helped to push him to agree.

"Okay. So we need to speed up our move to the Zakar. I can make that happen."

"Good. And I need you there to help me convince my father. The Council is pressuring him to retire now that we have more ships and some new blood," Apollo said.

"Great! A fleet with Dante's men in charge? They have really lost their minds now. Do they not remember Dante basically insulting them to their face about being old and useless?" Starbuck cringed remembering back to the bastard who sneered while making him do push ups.

"They do, and it had more of an impact than you know. Several of the Members of the Council have stated they are retiring, giving way to a new generation, and the talks for settling on a planet have grown more serious."

"But where?" Boomer asked before asking, "Dilmun? They want to go back?"

Apollo nodded. "We have already gone backwards on our course thanks to Rene. It was needed at the time, saved our civilians, but she did set us back to where we know the path ahead. Dilmun is our current heading even though it is not on a direct trajectory to earth, it's not too far off course. It will be almost a yahren to get there at our current speed, but with the added ships, more resources are available for overhauling or cannibalizing some of the slower civilian ships. It is a very plausible option."

"Except for the fact the Cylons destroyed it just like they did the Colonies," Starbuck said, but Apollo shook his head.

"We don't know that. We weren't losing."

"We weren't winning either," Starbuck scoffed.

Apollo conceded the point with a nod before adding, "Rene jumped us away before the battle was over. We know she missed one of our civilian ships when she took us through her rift. Are we sure she got all of Dante's? We never ascertained how many ships were in Dante's fleet and we know he left others behind. We could go searching for them, or go back to Dilmun."

"It's not a good option, but I see your point. So, when do we talk to Adama?"

"First I want to follow up on your suggestion of a long range patrol to see what's out there."

"Great. I just need to my viper fuelled up and wake up Cora, and then I can," but he stopped speaking as Apollo shook his head.

"I've seen your medical records. It won't be you." Apollo clapped a hand on Boomer's back. "Or you either. I'm thinking Bojay and Sheba."

"I can fly," Starbuck groused, but Apollo shook his head no again.

"You are still on your honeymoon. Remember?" He smiled for a moment before he turned serious. "And you still have Cylon technology floating through your bloodstream."

"What? No, I don't. They got it out." But Apollo shook his head no again.

"They didn't want you to know, something about you freaking out I think, so don't freak out. They thought you'd expel them eventually," his friend clarified.

"Expel? Eventually? What the flying flaming frak!" He cursed looking down at his own arms, remembering the scar for the port that was still fresh and the burn of the wires as they had been shoved into him. Worse, he shuddered as he remembered the IL and his switch where he could make his nerve endings catch on fire or cut his strings like a puppet.

Apollo read his thoughts, putting a hand on his shoulder while pushing down on one of Starbuck's arms. "Easy there. They wouldn't have left it in if they thought it was life threatening. But we can't deny that maybe, just maybe, the Cylons could activate it again."

"Or track me! Oh frak, Rene too? The baby?!" He twitched in alarm.

Boomer reached out a hand to his other shoulder. "Just you. You've always been the lucky one."

"And you knew and didn't tell me?"

Both Apollo and Boomer chuckled.

"This isn't funny!" He wanted to smack both of them but wondered if it would be him delivering the blow or the Cylons.

Apollo slowed his laughter and squeezed his shoulder. "No, I suppose it's not. They think it was actually Delphi technology and it will eventually pass through your system, but until then, we are keeping you out of a viper. Easy to do once you become a Captain."

"So that's why I'm getting a promotion, I'm full of Cylon tech. And I thought it was because I deserved it," he grumbled, feeling his skin itch.

"You do," Apollo stated, "and you'll make a fine Strike Wing Captain on the Zakar. Let's get you moved over and then we'll talk to my father."

Starbuck nodded and wondered just how exactly they expected him to expel the technology. "Yeah, I think we should talk to him sooner."

"Let's see what the long range patrols bring back, then we can make some more informed decisions," Apollo said. "You can talk it over with Rene in the meantime, see what she thinks."

He nodded knowing that if given the chance, Rene would jump right back into a viper so she could jump around the universe.

"She'll be on board with this," he stated.

"Good. I'm going to get Bojay and Sheba briefed and I have a lot of transfer requests to put in. A Colonel's job is never done. We'll talk tomorrow about a time frame for the move."

"You'll need to speed up Cain's training. Rene won't go until then."

Apollo grinned at him. "Done. I'm a Colonel and someone I know has encouraged me to use my rank more often."

"It's not what I meant," Starbuck shot back. "I was thinking furlons and better details, maybe a pay raise and better duties, one's that involve me doing nothing."

Boomer offered to help Apollo with the transfers so he could focus on the long range patrols, while Starbuck stayed behind and spent more time going over the scans and trying to ignore the itch under his skin. Try as hard as he could, there was no denying that the blurry objects were a threat of some kind as their path followed the fleet. "I would have liked to have finished my honeymoon," he thought to himself as he zoomed in on the two base ships and calculated their speed.


	10. Chapter 10

Studying the scans became more difficult as he thought he could feel his skin crawl from the Cylon tech swimming through him. "Sure explains the nightmares, doesn't it Bucko," he'd said to himself, but another voice that sounded a lot like Rene mumbled in his ear, "You didn't know about it until Apollo mentioned it."

"About that," he drawled out loud mimicking his new wing mate. "Well, if soaking in that big tub hasn't eliminated them, or they hadn't been made inoperable by all the ambrosia I've consumed lately, then nothing will. Besides, they wouldn't let me walk around with it in me if it was that bad." That's what he tried to tell himself as he headed straight for the Life Center instead of back to his quarters to take the longest turbo possible. Despite his crawling skin, he needed to get back. Two centaurs away from Rene left him anxious to be by her side, especially with the bad news he was bringing with him.

As he got closer to the Life Center, he was overwhelmed with the desire not to be back in that sterile environment that seemed to be haunting his dreams. Seeing those long range scans of the approaching enemy had cranked up the volume on the screams that echoed in his head. Abruptly he halted, reaching out a hand to the corridor wall to steady himself as a shiver ambushed him and shot up his spine, making his hands tremble. Closing his eyes, he tried to breathe through the sensation, mumbling to himself, "I'm on the Galactica. We made it back and I'm okay."

"You alright?" A voice interrupted his meditation, and he opened his eyes to find himself face to face with Avery.

"Frak me, but this place is getting as crowded as a brothel offering free drinks." A hand reached out, and he stumbled, backing away.

"Easy, Lieutenant," a woman's voice said calmly and it took him a moment to realize that Avery was not alone, his wife by his side.

"Oh no, Apollo, you are asking too fraking much," he mumbled as Avery reached for him again. Starbuck took another step back, almost tripping on his own feet.

"Are you alright?" Gaea asked, pulling her husband back. "We didn't mean to frighten you. We had heard about Lt. Jake being injured and we…"

"I'm fine!" Starbuck shouted, before catching the look on Gaea's face. Lowering his voice, he tried to remember that Avery's wife had nothing to do with their capture on Caprica. "Sorry, I'm …fine. Just…" Fumbling for the right words to explain why he'd been leaning against the corridor, eyes closed, he held out his hands to stop Avery from coming closer. "You just startled me. Jake's fine. We're all fine. You? You're fine?"

Gaea looked to her husband Avery before turning back to Starbuck. "Thanks to you and your wife, yes. We wanted to help. Your wife sent us to look after the children."

Wincing, he remembered that about now he and Rene should have been luxuriating in a suite on the Rising Star while others watched the kids for them. Somewhere he had missed the memo that included Avery's people amongst the approved childminders.

"Yeah, thanks, I…" he fumbled again, looking briefly to Avery before putting his feet in motion. "Gotta go." He brushed past them, hearing Gaea call out she was there to help, anytime, but he absently waved at them over his shoulder as he kept walking.

The day was lining up go from bad to worse, as he stumbled into the life center. He was expecting to find Nik and Jake still in biobeds with Rene by Jake's side, but instead he found that Nik was gone, and Rene was pacing outside of Jake's room.

"What's going on? Where's Nik?" he asked, looking past Rene into the room to find Dixon speaking with Jake, but the young man wasn't liking what he was hearing, as evidenced by his glare and clenched fists.

Rene shook her head at him as she kept pacing. "Nik went home and I was kicked out."

Chuckling, Starbuck couldn't hold back his sarcastic reply. "You don't let me in when you're talking to Dixon. It's only fair."

The look she shot him was as hot as a Borellian laser bol. He held up his hands in surrender. "Sorry, I was woken up at an ungodly hour to find out a friend was attacked and had to cut my honeymoon short, then found out some bad news, I'm not in the best of moods."

As she kept pacing, he debated telling her, but if he did, then every Rat would know faster than you could say cheese. He didn't want to ponder the panic that would create as the news worked its way through the squadrons and then the fleet, surely becoming garbled in translation. Besides, they still weren't positive that it was the enemy. Rene had enough to worry about right now anyway, what with Jake and the kids and moving to the Zakar, but he thought he should probably clue her in to the part of the Apollo's plan she played. Of course telling her that, would lead to having to tell her all of it. He was beginning to understand why they had fraternization regulations. It was going to be next to impossible to live with her and not share the day to day details of his new job.

He tried to stifle the sigh that escaped, but it caught Rene's attention as she cocked her head at him. Was that a Cylon drone he heard as she scanned his features.

"They found us, the cylons." She made a guess, and she read him clearer than he had those scans. The anger in her face drained away as she froze mid step. She pleaded with him, "Please tell me I'm wrong."

Holding up his hands to halt her leaping to any more conclusions, he tried to reason with her and himself, "We're not sure of that. We have a couple of long range scans that look suspicious, and you can't tell anyone I told you that."

She closed her eyes for a moment, and he was pretty sure she was chanting her phrases about fear washing over her as she took a slow breath before opening her eyes again. "But you saw them, the scans? What do you think?"

Wincing he looked away from her. He may not know his own wife very well, but she wasn't having any difficulty in reading his reactions. Turning back to her he said, "It could be anything, the scanners are old and they catch all kinds of felgercarb that turns out to be nothing." He almost mentioned the old transmission they had picked up one time in the Celestial Dome, but he was pretty sure Apollo didn't want anyone to know he thought it had come from earth.

"So what do you think it is?" She asked, but didn't wait for him to answer. "How often are you wrong?"

She had him there, as he hadn't been wrong, not lately anyway. Meeting her eyes, he saw the fear in them that he had hoped to leave behind on Caprica, and suddenly the Life Center was too bright, too white, and he wanted out of there.

"I've been known to be wrong," he said, nodding solemnly, as he fervently wished they could just go back a few centaurs when he was asleep with her in his arms and his only plans for the day was more love making interspersed with gorging himself with good food. "I think we need to get moved to the Zakar in couple of sectons. I'd like to do it in just a few cycles. How do I get all the family together to make this happen?"

She shrugged. "They're scattered on different duties to make up for the time they took off for the sealing. I'm not sure we can get everyone at once. Might have to just talk to who we can and spread the word."

"Okay. Make that happen, now rather than later," he said wondering if Jake might be better left on the Galactica. He had just started his training, and while he was a good medic, the family would benefit from him becoming a doctor. Besides, the Zakar would meet up with the Battlestar sometime in the future and they could transfer him over then.

"Are you serious?"

He nodded and she cursed loudly, to be barked at by Salik to watch her tongue.

"Hey, it's okay," he said reaching for her, but she brushed him off stepping away. He didn't let her go, taking the steps with her, pulling her into his arms, relieved that she relented to his soft, "Hey, don't." She sighed heavily, but he held her for a moment before saying softly, "The Zakar is not like it used to be. Apollo's in charge, and he's the nicest person I know. And I'll be there, so nothing is going to happen, not like before."

"That's not it," she said softly. "They've found us."

Sighing, he wanted to deny her words, but he was afraid she was right. "It was to be expected. You took us backwards. We had just barely shaken them from our tail when we found you and Dilmun."

"It's my fault. Caprica and the scan. I should have sent us forward, or…," she shuddered in his arms, "I had hoped…"

"We're not even sure it's the enemy. It could be one of ours, or maybe yours from Dilmun. And if it is, we'll deal with it. We'll beat them again. We have more ships this time and…" he hesitated unsure if here and now in the Life Center was a good place and time to reveal Apollo's crazy plan, but what would be the right time to discuss evading an enemy bent on your destruction by slipping into an unknown space anomaly possibly sent by the Lords? He kissed the top of her head before leaning down and whispering in her ear, "and we have you."

"What does that mean?" she mumbled into his chest.

He pulled back to look at her. "It means we may give you the keys to that shiny battlecruiser you gave me and let you take her for a trip."

Her eyes lit up before going wide in fright. "It's bad isn't it?"

He debated the answer, settling for a fake smile as he replied, "We're not sure. So let's just say it's a good excuse to try some new things."

Nodding with a weak smile, she accepted his attempt at humor to lighten the bad news.

"Apollo is moving up the date that Cain starts flight training." He expected an objection from her, but Rene just nodded again. Slowly he pulled her into his arms, and she let him hold her. They stayed that way for a centon or two until they were interrupted by Jake's shouting.

"Frak this pile of steaming mong!" Jake was sitting up and shouting at Dixon, but Dixon didn't seem concerned. In fact, the man was actually smiling, which puzzled Starbuck. Riling up Jake was never a good idea. The young man liked to punch things or so he'd been told, still trying to wrap his brain around the idea of the scrawny sewer rat dropping a big bovine like Avery in one move. But then again, he reminded himself, the rats were notorious for not fighting fair, nor caring about consequences. In Jake's damaged state and not thinking straight, it could get ugly and he might actually do some damage, more likely to himself.

As if on cue, Jake was struggling from the bed, his fists clenched, and Dixon wasn't backing away. Letting go of Rene, Starbuck hastily keyed the door to the room open and raced in, Rene right behind him.

"Whoa Jake, what's going on?" Putting himself between Jake and Dixon, he firmly pushed Dixon back shooting him a glare of his own. "He's been attacked. You need to give him some space."

"Lieutenant, you are not needed here," Dixon said, but Jake's words indicated otherwise.

"It's not fraking fine! Nothing is fine! Get me out of here!" Jake implored Starbuck before looking around frantically for Rene, finally spotting her. "Get me out of here!"

Groaning, Jake swung his legs out of the biobed, swaying on his feet. Starbuck turned to grab him by the shoulders before the kid fell down. "Hold on there, brother. I'm not sure if you're supposed to be doing that."

"I don't give a flying frak! Rene!" The kid's voice rose in volume as Rene tried to calm him.

"Right here, baby. It's okay. He's on our side." Adding her hands to Jake's arm, she helped Starbuck hold him up.

Blurry eyed, Jake turned his head, trying to find Rene. Once locating her, he gave her his full focus. Starbuck had no idea what message was conveyed in Jake's glare, but Rene was quickly turning away, reaching for a uniform she had brought as she spoke to Dixon. "You need to go now."

"We're not done here. You know how this works. Processing tough emotions is hard and he needs to work through this." His voice held a hint of command and Starbuck almost spoke his thoughts aloud, that orders didn't work on the Rats.

Slapping the folded uniform into Starbuck's chest, Rene gave him a look that he needed no explanation to translate, he was in charge of Jake while she dealt with the immediate threat. Nodding that he'd received the order, he took one hand away from Jake to grab the uniform, while backing the kid into the bio bed.

"You're done for now," she said as she reached across the small room to guide Dixon to the door. "He won't listen until he gets his way."

"Rene, you know how this process goes," Dixon started to say, but he was allowing Rene to lead him from the room.

Still cursing, Jake's words were almost nonsensical, making lewd suggestions about Dixon and his mother and their extracurricular night time activities, but he slowed the stream of profanities when Starbuck held up the uniform in front of his face.

"Can you do it yourself? I know we're getting close, but this might be a little too close, don't you think?" Starbuck asked.

"I want out of here!" Jake shouted again.

"Trying to help you with that. I'm on your side, buddy. I've always hated this place." Starbuck pushed the kid back until he got the idea and hopped up to sit on the bio bed. Starbuck glanced at the door as Rene was able to get Dixon out of the room, only to be answering to Doctor Salik who had come to deal with the commotion. Feeling something wet hit his cheek, Starbuck spun his attention back to Jake to see that the kid had ripped all of the tubes out of his arms, spraying blood and saline in the process. Starbuck gagged at the sight, pushing the uniform at Jake before pulling away.

"A little warning next time!"

Snarling, Jake dragged the tunic over his head, leaving it open as he pulled on the pants, hopping down and not bothering with his boots. The kid swayed and Starbuck reached out to keep him steady.

"I want out of here!" Jake shouted in his face, but Starbuck fixed him with a glare of his own.

"I agree with you! Take the help, you idiot!" Appraising the young man and the wild defiant look he was giving him, Starbuck decided shouting at him wasn't going to help. He lowered his voice, keeping a firm grip on Jake's arm. "I'm trying to get you out of here, but I need to make sure you're okay. You've got a family to protect. We need you healthy and calm, more importantly calm, or they are not going to let you out of here, got it?"

Jake scrubbed at his face with his hand, squinting his eyes before answering with a shrug and a nod. Starbuck turned to see if Rene had cleared their escape route. Dixon was still there, just outside of the room, but Rene had a hand on him pushing him back while she talked with Salik. The doctor seemed resigned to the early release of his patient as he was trying to hand Rene medications and giving instructions.

"Don't leave him alone for the next day or two. Give him one of these every four hours for his killer headache, and bring him back later today, tomorrow at the latest or I will track him down. I am not losing a good medic despite his best efforts to annoy me."

Nodding along to the instructions, Starbuck added his own comment, "He'll be at our place for now."

Rene turned to him, her mouth literally gaping, "Are you sure? I mean…"

Leaning down, Starbuck picked up Jake's feet one at a time, cramming them into the boots and latching them up for him before Starbuck stood up and handed Jake his jacket.

"There, now at least you look like you're okay. Nothing like a clean uniform to make you feel like a new man. Here, let me," he said as he took the jacket from the kid's hand, wrapping it around Jake's shoulders and helping him get it on as the kid groaned in pain. "Take it slow, and when you're healed, we'll do some sparring, maybe I can show you a few moves I know."

Reaching out to straighten Jake's insignia, Starbuck noticed Rene looking at him in confusion.

"Are you sure? Our place?" She asked, making him realize he had truly taken her by surprise.

"Of course, where else would he go? He can sleep in the middle," Starbuck turned away rolling his eyes at Jake. "You just like cramping my style don't you, little brother?"

Jake didn't bother with words, growling as his reply, looking like he was going to take a swing at him.

Starbuck wanted to bark at him again to knock it off, but he also understood the kid's reaction. A wounded dagget backed into a corner will bite at anything. Slowly pulling his hand away, Starbuck held them up in submission. "Looks like if you can walk out of here, they're going to let you go. Think you can manage that?"

Starting to nod, then wincing, Jake settled for a curt, "Yeah," before turning towards the door, managing to actually make it the two steps before reaching out for the door frame. He looked like he was trying not to vomit as one of his hands held him upright while the other latched onto Rene pulling her to him.

Rene didn't resist his grip, still reassuring the doctor that she knew enough to call for help if needed while Jake wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

She turned to deal with Dixon, but Jake cut off whatever words she was going to say with a resounding, "You don't know a fracking thing and I don't have to talk to you!"

"Son, you really should deal with this," Dixon said, but the word 'son' rankled the kid. Cursing, Jake stepped away from Rene and the grip he had on the door frame, making it only a few steps before he swayed like he was drunk, before taking another hesitant step. Starbuck was impressed that the kid actually made it halfway across the life center before he stumbled. Once again, Starbuck grabbed an arm holding Jake up.

The kid bit at him, "I'm getting the frak out of here!"

Salik grumbled at their backs, saying, "Medics always make the worst patients, even worse than pilots. Get him back in a biobed if you can."

"When were you going to tell me about the Cylon felgercarb I still have in me?" Starbuck snapped at him.

"When it was important!" Salik barked before shaking his head. "Medics and pilots, and that's all I have to deal with. I'm going to get me a transfer to the Senior's Ship. Now, get out of here before I change my mind, on both of your releases!"

Grumbling in his own frustration at how his day was stacking up to be one of the worst, Starbuck tried again to prop Jake up, but the kid jerked his arm away. "Rene, remind him I'm on his side. You can't carry him the whole way and if he doesn't behave, we're leaving him here."

"I am not staying! Rene!"

It was Jake's cry of her name again and she was there by the kid's side. Nodding to Starbuck absently, she reached up to touch Jake's face, whispering to him, "Baby, he's a good guy. He's right. You've been eating well lately and I can't carry you."

Jake swayed on his feet, but Starbuck didn't let him hit the floor, sliding a shoulder under his arm. This time Jake let him, or at least stopped cursing when he realized they were headed for the door.

It was slow going as Jake kept trying to walk on his own, but they made it to the lift with minimal issues and cursing. It took Starbuck constantly talking and reassuring the kid that it was payback for when Jake had carried him on Caprica.

"Not the same," Jake had finally mumbled once they were in the lift. "You're heavy."

"You're not so light yourself, not anymore. Too much ambrosia. You might want to cut back," Starbuck quipped back pausing before they got out of the lift. "Okay, just a few more steps, but I think we need some boundaries before you start living with us for good."

"Boundaries?" Rene had asked, but Starbuck waited until they were down the corridor and outside of their quarters. Leaning Jake against the wall, he motioned for Rene to stand by Jake to help the kid stay on his feet.

"I just got sealed. I am still officially on my honeymoon. And he is your ex-boyfriend and people like to talk. Without that complication, this would be no big deal, but you two don't help the situation either with your own sign language and secret shopping trips. So we need a few rules so I can be comfortable with this, especially since I hear the accommodations on the Zakar are even smaller. Rule number 1."

Starbuck held up a finger cutting Rene off as she cocked her head and asked with a voice full of sarcasm, "Rules? You know we aren't good with rules, right?"

"Call them what you like, but you two are going to abide by them, that's an order."

Rene narrowed her eyes and Starbuck sighed. "Hear me out before you stun me, okay? How about we try something new? Like maybe mutual respect?"

Rene crossed her arms. "Alright Bucko. I'm listening."

Shaking his head, Starbuck ignored her glare and focused on Jake. "Before you enter any room, you knock and wait for someone to say you can enter. We just got sealed and you may interrupt something."

"Not like I haven't seen her fraking before," Jake said crossing his own arms.

"The numerous kinds of ways of how that is so fraked up is the reason for the rule. I don't care if you think you are alone, before you enter the turbo or the kitchen, you knock," Starbuck continued, not wanting to get into the when's and why's of Jake's admission.

"But if no one answers, what is he supposed to do?" Rene asked.

Starbuck rolled his eyes at his wife. Of course she'd take his side in this. "Then he can wait until the count of ten. Or we could take him back to the life center?"

Rene held up her hands, "Okay. Since that's one, I assume there's a two."

"You bet there's a two, and a three. Two, you show just a smidge of respect for the officers that out rank you. Adama is more patient than Apollo and your new Strike Wing Captain."

"New Strike Wing Captain?" Rene asked before Jake made a guess.

"Probably a Colonial equine's astrum or Pallus."

"Actually it's me, and I remember those kinds of remarks when I'm making up a duty schedule," Starbuck quipped.

Rene's glare softened as a smile crept onto her features. "So you got it, finally! When were you going to tell me?"

"Just found out myself, but don't interrupt. We are on rule three."

Rene shared a look with Jake and the two of them straightened up, coming to attention, or at least Jake tried to while they both barked out a "Yes Sir!" worthy of an academy drill sergeant except for the smirks on their faces.

Starbuck wanted to laugh, it was actually a bit heart-warming to hear the two of them using a bit of respect that sounded sincere when it came to him, but the coordination the two were trying to pull off was exactly what he wanted to curtail with his third rule.

"Rule three. No more inside jokes or private communication and leaving me out of the conversation. I'm not going to feel like the third landram tread in my own quarters or in my own marriage."

As predicted the two simultaneously narrowed their eyes at him, before looking to each other, then back to him.

Sighing, he nodded, "I know I am not going to be able to stop you two from all your devious plans. I'm not trying to. I just want in, alright? At least try, could you?"

Rene nodded an agreement, but had to nudge Jake with an elbow to get him to nod as well. It was a start.

"Is there more?" Rene asked, without any hint of sarcasm, sensing that there was more to Starbuck's rules.

"Yeah, there's more, but I think we should work on those first. And if you two can't manage those three, there might not be a point to anymore." Showing the frustration of his rude awakening that day and the knowledge that the enemy was back, the words came out harsher and vaguer than he had intended as Rene flinched. "Sorry," he mumbled. "It's been a bad day."

"I know," Rene answered taking a small step towards him, a hand reaching for his. "I'm sorry we couldn't finish our honeymoon. But we can go the Rising Star another time and finish what we had started."

He wished that were true, but if Apollo's plan was put into action, they wouldn't be seeing the rest of the fleet for a while. Unless maybe they took the Rising Star with them instead of leaving it with the Galactica. He just might be able to convince Apollo of that fact, or he could try to convince Rene to steal it for him. A little miscalculation of her rift and, oopsie daisy.

Rene's other hand reached up to stroke his jawline lightly as a soft smile came to her lips. "Thank you for this," she nodded her head to Jake.

"Yeah, well, he's family and I'd want someone there for me if that ever happened to me. It should work both ways."

Giving him a rare genuine smile, Rene leaned up to kiss him. The warmth of it took him back to the night before, when everything had been right with his world. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer in an attempt to go back in time.

Jake knocked twice on the corridor wall and started counting, "One, two, three…"

Rene giggled into his lips as he rolled his eyes. "It was your idea," she said giving him a wink as he pulled away.

"Fine," Starbuck rolled his eyes. "You two win. Get him in there, on the sofa please, not my bed. I have to go take care of a few things, like our stuff on the Rising Star and finding out when Cain goes for training, and moving the whole family to the Zakar. Never a dull moment. My chore list just gets longer and longer."

Giving her a small kiss, he walked away despite every instinct telling him to race back to his quarters, if for no other reason than to take care of the problem of the itch under his skin and the slight sting of having to cut his honeymoon short, but his scanner was letting him know he had bigger issues to deal with than finding time to be alone with Rene.


	11. Chapter 11

"Does he honestly think I'm going to follow those stupid rules?" Jake grumbled as he slid himself down the corridor wall, finding the key pad for her quarters by feel and opening the door.

Still shaking her head at Starbuck's parting quip, she turned to her friend. "I thought I'd have to fight him to let you stay here, so yeah, maybe you could…what the Son of Sagan?" Her words turned from friendly teasing to curses as she got a look at her quarters. The place had been trashed, not that she and Starbuck owned much, but what they did have was tossed everywhere, even the table and chairs overturned. On the wall above their bed, scrawled in red across the scene of the swirling sunset of Caprica were the words, "Give us what we want or next time someone dies!"

"Those mother frakers! I was just here a couple of centaurs ago!" she said as she frantically thought back to when she had left the quarters with Dixon. She'd been distracted, not only worrying about Jake, but her own conversation with Dixon about Iblis had her mind reeling with possibilities. Speeding up their move to the Zakar opened up even more as Apollo and Starbuck claimed they had dealt with the man before. It gave her a lot to think about. She had been trying to remember all the way back to secondary school and that one teacher who had taught only ancient Colonial myths claiming it might be historical rather than fantastical. In some of those stories mere mortals challenged gods. Most of those stories ended tragically, but in some the hero actually won. Figuring she'd already had plenty of tragedy in her life, the gods could let her win just to balance out the scales. With all that running through her mind, could she have forgotten to lock the door? No, she had always been cautious, no matter what was going on she would have locked it.

Leaning down to pick up one of the sofa cushions, Jake tilted too far, catching himself with a hand to one of the overturned chairs.

"Jake, stop. I'll do it. Here," she righted one of the chairs guiding him into it. "Those mother frakers."

"Starbuck's Colonial. He was supposed to— " Jake's voice trailed off as he winced. "It's Keenan all over again. Dammit, I liked Starbuck!"

Rene went to work setting things back in order, starting with the sofa as she asked, "What was he supposed to do, keep us safe? The whole damn fleet was supposed to do that! I am tired of this felgercarb." She picked up an empty paint can, cursing that they'd used her art supplies and didn't even have the decency to clean the brush which was now ruined, caked with dried paint. "Mother frakers."

"Yeah, the fleet, but especially him. He's supposed to have the connections and," Jake shrugged, "it's not too late to be with Gage."

Rene spun on him, almost throwing the paint can at him, but the bruises just beginning to fade had her shifting her aim, hurling the can at the wall, spreading more red paint across the swirling skies, before she turned back on him. "That's not how it works! You don't get to decide who I'm going to be with and besides, I want to be with Starbuck. I like him!"

.

"Be honest, you love him," Jake said softly, his eyes held a hint of sadness before he shrugged looking away, "but you loved Gage too, or so you said."

"This is different," she said feeling another shiver down to her bones. "It's just…" she hesitated and Jake leapt in the gap.

"So the fraking is good? I thought maybe it was all just hype."

She wished she still had the paint can to hurl at him. "It's not about that. It's different!"

"So the fraking is bad? Then maybe you and me could…"

She didn't let him finish the sentence, "I sealed with him! We are not fraking again, get that through your thick skull."

"So you do love him, some stupid pretty boy Colonial. You have gone insane." Jake stated as if he knew everything.

"It's different. He's not stupid, he's kind and caring and…" she tried to explain but Jake scoffed.

"Still a pretty boy Colonial. Gage is all those things and has some pull with command. I'm just saying."

Rene shook her head looking away, ashamed suddenly at her past actions, especially in the golden light of Starbuck and his sincere intentions. "It's different. Starbuck doesn't want anything from me. He…he doesn't tell me what to do and he…he just wants the best for everyone and he'll do anything he can to make it happen. He doesn't care if he gets anything out of it. And the worse part, I think he'd do all that even if I did nothing but smile at him. He," she paused, struck dumb by the realization that she'd never known that kind of love before. Even Jake expected something from her. Nothing was free in life, that's what she had thought until she met Starbuck. He'd changed everything she thought she knew about love.

Jake shrugged. "I like him too, but he's going to wind up dead just like Keenan.

"No he's not! He's Starbuck. He has friends and…."

Snorting in derision, Jake interrupted her. "They came at us, more than six. They knew where we were going and how we were getting there, and until a centaur before we left, we didn't even know where we were going!"

Shaking her head, she tried to deny it could happen, but Jake was right. The Rats were careful. They knew people were out to get them, and it still had happened. The astrums could have easily killed Jake. And Starbuck wasn't careful. Worse than that, he thought everyone was his buddy. Plus now with the possibility of the enemy finding them again, Starbuck would be focused on the distant danger, missing what was right in front of him.

"I cannot go through that again," but she mumbled the words to herself. Despite some memories being hard to dredge up since Caprica, every single detail of Keenan's death was still in her head. She knew he was dead when she checked her chrono and realized he was a couple of centaurs late getting back from patrol. She had waited another centaur before going by and checking the duty office, and then the command center, hoping she was wrong. Other than the end of the Colonies, it was one of the longest centaurs of her life.

"What was the worst part?" That's what Dixon would have asked if she brought the subject up. While many might think it was not having a body to bury, or wondering if he had simply crashed on a planet somewhere and was out there still alive, lost and alone, that wasn't what haunted her dreams. It was that first centaur when she knew he was gone, and prayed that he wasn't. She had argued with herself that she was wrong. It was the horrific debate between the truth and the hope.

It had taken two days before they listed him as dead. His wing mate had a story of a raiders swooping out of nowhere that got the drop on them, but he wouldn't verify that it was the enemy that shot Keenan down. She had even suggested to Crius that maybe that was what happened, but she knew the truth. He'd been eliminated by one of Dante's lackeys. The proof came when Agenor found her just a couple of sectons after Keenan's death, stating, "Well now that problem is solved, you can go back to solving my problems." She had given up hope of finding love after that.

Love had other plans, getting the drop on her when she wasn't really looking for it. Sure, she was hoping to seduce a Galactica warrior so she could get in good and bring them into her plans, but she hadn't planned to fall in love. It just hurt too much when they were gone.

When Starbuck dropped to a knee in that room on the Rising Star, pulling out a ring and making his impulsive proposal, her hesitation hadn't been at the speed of their relationship or the fact that there were many plans she had in motion in the hopes of saving her friends and her children's lives, not to mention the two hundred thousand people in the fleet. No, it had been only one life she was worried about, Starbuck's. He was a pilot and she had sworn never again, certainly not with a viper jockey. In that moment when Starbuck handed her that ring, a moment that been pretty amazing under those silken sheets just a micron before, she saw how this would end. There were only two options for Starbuck, a fiery explosion as she flew beside him when a Cylon got luckier than the luckiest man alive, or he would be lost somewhere out there on a recon mission. As he smiled up at her and the ring twinkled in the light, she saw the lights of the landing bay as she paced waiting for a warrior that wouldn't return.

She thought she'd be alone in that pacing, but having gotten to know the man and his extended family, at least when the possible demise of Starbuck came, she now knew she'd have company. When he was declared dead, there would be a hero's funeral and his stories would live on. He would want it that way.

But the threat scrawled on her wall opened up a third option, and maybe a fourth. Either they got to him, in which case the whole fleet would come down on whoever it was with the full force of their Colonial Creed for killing the decorated hero warrior of the centaur, or Starbuck got to them and died trying, a murderer in the fleet's eyes. She had just begun to hear stories about the Ortega incident as some called it. They had locked Starbuck up accused of the crime, just like a Rat. If Starbuck got involved in all this, his old friends and the fleet wouldn't think he was heroic. They'd think he had sunk to the level of the Rats and was just another delinquent, destined to screw up. That would be even worse than the pacing in a bay waiting on a viper that wouldn't return.

Knowing Starbuck as she did now, it wasn't hard to imagine what it might have been like for him in those centaurs before he was facing a tribunal and being encourage to plead self defense. Despite his insouciant demeanor, Starbuck was deeply respectful of the uniform he wore. It's why he was seldom out of it and looked oddly uncomfortable in civilian clothes. He actually believed with his whole heart in the Colonial Creed. While he might roll his eyes at all the decorum and protocol, he ate it up when it was directed his way.

While in that cell, it wouldn't be his future imprisonment that was on his mind. He could deal with that. No, it was the loss of respect and the loss of the uniform. That's why he couldn't just plead the charge down. He actually had a personal creed much like the Colonial Creed that all the yahrens in orphanages and gambling halls hadn't been beaten out of him. It had hardened it like tempered tylium.

His life wasn't all that different from the Rats, and yet, he had turned out drastically different. She wondered once again when was the first time she had compromised her values in order to try to fit in or make things easier. Was it when she was on the streets and one by one all her resolutions faded in the face of the cold and the hunger? Or was it sooner, the various families she lived with who expected her to behave a certain way, and she tried to comply until she couldn't cover up anymore what she was, just an angry broken kid?

Starbuck had been stronger and she had been weak. He had taken that creed and added more to it, determined to protect everyone he knew, and even those he didn't. Rene had made a similar vow to protect those she loved, but for her that sometimes meant compromising other parts of her values and herself to make that happen. Often it meant having to concede defeat and narrow her circle of friends. Not Starbuck. He not only stood his ground, he found a way to include everyone and making them his allies.

Jake read her thoughts. "You say he has friends? He is lucky, maybe if it's only one or two of them he'll be okay, but that's not how they play, you know that."

She spun away from Jake, surveying the mess around them, before looking to the message on the wall. "Frak. Starbuck liked that picture," she mumbled before turning back to Jake. "He doesn't find out about this. I'll clean it up."

Jake cocked his head, his silent way of asking why.

"I created this mess, I will clean it up. But he can't know. He won't like how I handle this."

"You didn't start this. They did. You should tell him. There are things he could do, or at least watch his back."

She shook her head violently, "No. This isn't about him, and that's how Keenan got himself killed. Had he just stayed out of it," she shook her head again at the memory of the fight between Keenan and Agenor. Keenan had been bloody. He'd won, but just barely. "No," she said again, "I need to handle this, resolve this forever."

"How would that be?" Jake asked, but he didn't need to. The reply was their old phrase, often uttered across the comline as they launched into a battle, Gage sometimes intoning it from command, "How do we deal with the enemy?" and their reply, "Sneaky like a rat."

Getting the sofa back together was easy and she had Jake stretched out on it, zonked out on pain pills he insisted on washing down with ambrosia, not a good combination, but he probably needed the drink more than the drugs and if left alone, he might have taken the whole bottle, of both. The rest of the quarters had been put back together, and she was working on painting over the wall when Starbuck came back sooner than she had expected. Thank the lords she had covered the message in red first with the boring gray paint. There had been no salvaging the sky, the astrums had stolen all of her paints except for the colonial issue battlestar gray.

"What are you doing? I liked that one," Starbuck said when he entered.

"We're moving soon, aren't we?" she replied.

"Yeah, but whoever takes the quarters might have liked it. Couldn't you have started with that one?" He pointed to one she had painted showing a fiery explosion. He set down the bundle he had in his hands of clothes and the few gifts they had received at the sealing. "How is he?"

"Sleeping. I think he's still seeing double, but he's coherent at least. I'm glad you're back, I haven't had a chance to tell anyone." She had meant the move, but Starbuck misread her intentions.

"Good, that news was confidential. Not even the squadrons know," he said, talking about what was obviously forefront on his mind, defending the fleet from enemies within and without. Rene wondered briefly if he might agree with her plans for Pallus and his cronies if she phrased it as defending the fleet, but then she dismissed the idea. He had enough on his plate with the Cylons and fighting them is what he did best.

"I meant the move," she said, putting the brush down and wiping the paint from her hands before stepping towards him with a kiss. "Welcome home husband. How was your day?" she asked teasing him. The little bit of seduction worked to get him off the topic, but that wasn't the only reason for it. Having spent most of her time with him the last few cycles and finding out that when alone, Starbuck didn't change like some men did, dropping their pleasant public masks and becoming someone else, not necessarily someone nice. Starbuck had stayed the man she knew, and she had missed him and his optimism.

She loved the grin that spread from his lips to his beautiful blue eyes as he pulled her close. "I've had better, like yesterday when I was in the luxurious honeymoon suite. Speaking of honeymoon, think we can kick him out for a centaur or two after dinner?"

"I don't see why not," she said, letting Starbuck wrap his arms around her. "Nik can babysit."

Lords she loved the feel of his arms, but she would miss those lips of his most when he was gone. "He's lucky," she thought, "maybe some of that luck will spread to me and I'll go before he does." She flinched as the baby kicked hard at the thought, hard enough for Starbuck to feel it.

"Was that the baby?" he asked. She nodded and he kneeled down, planting a kiss on her belly. "Hello there. Do you want some attention too? I can't wait to meet you." He rubbed his hand over her stomach as he looked up at her. "Just four more sectars, right?"

She nodded. She'd lost track, but knew she was somewhere in the fifth sectar, maybe almost the sixth. She guessed it all depended on when she got pregnant, and that was a blurry subject she didn't want to discuss. "They don't arrive right on the due date you know." She realized Starbuck had kept better track than she had, but this was his first. Her fourth, no third she reminded herself. It didn't count if they didn't live just a few sectars.

He caught the sad thought that had crossed her mind as she thought about Keenan's baby. "You okay?" he asked standing back up and taking her in his arms again. Lords. they felt good after the frak fest of a day she'd had.

"Just thinking about your list of chores. How is that coming along?" She shifted the topic and the fact that he let her, told her more about the situation than his words.

"Long range recon has launched. Will be a while before they have anything to report. Meeting with the Commander tomorrow to talk about Apollo's ideas and Boomer got in all the transfer requests. We should talk about Jake, he's still in training with the Life Center here. He may want to stay."

She narrowed her eyes, almost said something, but then decided not to. With the progress the two had made in getting along, it might be better if Jake explained to Starbuck how that wasn't going to happen.

Starbuck wasn't an idiot. He read her look and added, "Or maybe he can finish up on the Zakar. I heard they are short staffed and the doctor there is the one from before. You guys liked that guy, right?"

Rene couldn't repress the shiver that shook her violently. Starbuck tightened his grip on her. "Wrong. Another transfer, got it. Who do you suggest?"

"Anyone but him. I just don't know about this Starbuck, I mean— "

He cut her off. "Apollo knows it's your way or we stay here. He is on our side, plus he's got an idea and when he latches on to one, well, he's like a daggit, doesn't let go. That's how I wound up on the Cylon base ship."

"Okay, I trust you," she conceded. Maybe it was the recent image of her pacing a landing bay waiting to declare her husband dead that had her setting aside her doubts and believing in Starbuck's plan. That had probably been what Cassiopeia had done the whole time Starbuck was on the base ship, paced the landing bay. Cassie had gotten lucky and he'd come back whole with not even a scratch. Maybe Rene could get lucky too?

Starbuck could make this work. He was that good, gold clusters to prove it. He could get the Zakar cleaned up and running with a decent crew, and she could help with that by eliminating a few of the borays along the way. She wasn't stupid enough to think they could remove all of the evil people from the fleet, but she wasn't worried about the fleet. With the Zakar they could go somewhere, anywhere, and still have all the necessities they needed.

Starbuck continued running down his list, "Cain's training starts at the end of this secton in a few cycles. Oh, and I found out about your new duty section. You didn't tell me you're a viper tech. Is there anything you can't do? With all of Copper squadron's skills, we could form our own fleet."

Accepting the compliment, and liking his thinking, she replied, "I'm not. I'm a pilot. That's just where they shove us when we can't fly, mostly because we just can't stay away from vipers. In my case, I can't stay away from viper pilots, no matter how stupid it is to date them."

"Oh, we are well beyond dating," he said kissing her deeply before suddenly pulling away. "I forgot. I've been meaning to ask, so why isn't Jason joining Cain for the pilot training?"

"Because he already knows how to fly, silly," she said.

"What? Then why isn't he in a squadron, or in uniform? He's not of age, but. . ." baffled, he had stopped speaking, looking to her for answers.

"Like you said, he's underage, and you have to remember, our training was just how to launch and shoot. Landing wasn't even a module we covered until we had done the other two. Not everyone is cut out to be a pilot."

"But with more training he could…Dante never gave you guys aptitude tests did he?" Starbuck started to put together the dots to complete the puzzle.

"Nope. Everyone flies. It's our only line of defense. And if you suck, they put you somewhere else. Jason thinks he can do it, but— "

"She won't let him," Jake grumbled from the sofa, "and neither will I. He should stay a kid as long as he can. Could you two keep it down? You're making my head hurt. I thought the rule was you were supposed to knock when you entered a room?"

Starbuck rolled his eyes before replying, "It's MY quarters. I don't have to knock."

"It was your rule. I assumed it applied to all of us, but hey, I guess you can just walk in on Jake cleaning up and…" Rene teased him, liking the playful flash of annoyance that sparked in Starbuck's eyes.

"Lords, no. I'm not walking in on him, neither are you, but you can walk in on me anytime, like now. I've been dying for a turbo and we can talk in there, in privacy!" Starbuck said pulling her to the turbowash. "No need to knock. I'm locking the door!"


	12. Chapter 12

Thinking Starbuck had other intentions when he pulled her into the room, she began to shed her jacket and was reaching for the fastening for her tunic, but Starbuck had focused on removing his own clothes, barely giving her a glance. He reached for the spigot and got into the warm water rather than reaching for her. Scrubbing furiously, he began to outline his plans for the Zakar.

"We can rip out the brig and convert it into living spaces. Heck, those clear doors might even come in handy with the kids, keep an eye on the troublemakers and if I recall, the beds weren't half bad. Could definitely use them for the kids at least."

Her hand hovered awkwardly at the fastening to her own clothes, cursing under her breath that the three cycles of not wearing clothes as her husband had proclaimed, was ending much too soon. The fact that she was missing him and what he could do in bed, stunned her more than any words of love he could have said. "I trust him," she thought to herself, trying out not just the words but the concept of it. "Frak, maybe Jake's right, I really do…" Even in her head she didn't say the word love. She'd never trusted that word, but she did trust the man in the shower. He could point a blaster at her right now and pull the trigger, and she knew he wouldn't hurt her. Gazing at him, she objectively tried to figure out when it had happened. What exactly had she done, and could she replicate it with someone else if she needed something from them?

She couldn't puzzle it out, and gave up chasing down the enigma that was Starbuck. As he kept talking, Rene thought about joining him in that shower, but changed her mind when she noticed the frantic and very thorough cleansing he was giving himself. She understood the need for it, had done her own scrubbing earlier as the attack on Jake had brought back memories of her own struggles with Dante and his warriors. The turbos helped wash away the unwanted touch on your skin. But did Starbuck have his own dark moments to wash away? She would have to ask sometime, but not now as Starbuck talked excitedly about his ideas for the Zakar. It was a one sided conversation and she wondered if it was a Colonial quirk as Crius did the same thing when he was nervous or had something on his mind he didn't want to share. Her friend would overshare about every other thought that came to mind except what was really bothering him. Starbuck was doing the same thing. Was it something they trained into them at the Academy? Perhaps a way to avoid giving away information to the enemy?

Hopping up on the counter of the sink, she tried to pay attention to his ideas. It was easier than dealing with her own emotions about him and her past and the problems Jake and she were still dealing with. At first, she thought Starbuck was joking about using the brig, but he was serious. He didn't understand the irony of what he was suggesting. She didn't get a chance to object as he ignored her attempts to interject, and despite trying to focus, she only half listened as the glass to the shower began to fog over blocking a very nice view. As the droplets of water ran down the glass, she heard a voice. 

"Everything you build, I will destroy. It will all melt away."

She spun her head to the door, expecting to find that Jake had come into the room, uttering some sarcastic quip, but the door was closed and locked. In the shiny metal, a face leered at her and a white robe. A cold wind blew across her shoulders, rippling the robe in the reflective surface.

"You will follow my demands, or everything you build, I will destroy."

She tore her eyes away from that face, mumbling to herself, "It's not real. He's not here." She tried to fix her gaze on Starbuck, but his own form was hazy and incorporeal in the fog of the turbo. A cold wind suddenly blew across the room, and she heard it howl as an image of Starbuck lost alone in the middle of a barren landscape appeared before her in the mist. The voice was within the moan of the wind, "Everything will be lost."

Dropping her head to her hands, she closed her eyes, muttering softly, "Go frak yourself. I've got enough to deal with in the here and now. You want to get me to do something, then make all of Dante's cronies go away."

"Rene?" Starbuck's voice echoed reassuringly in the small room as he wiped the steam from the glass, before he finally shut off the water. "You okay? You get something to eat yet?"

Scrubbing at her face, she shoved down her thoughts and feelings, mentally banishing Iblis to the barren wastes he seemed to be promising for Starbuck. Wondering if she could get to her stash of stims without Starbuck noticing, she fixed a grin she'd been practicing the last few cycles on her face as she answered him, hoping for once he wouldn't call her on the lie.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Guess I should eat. Baby's starting to suck some of my energy, that's all." Mentioning the coming baby worked as a diversion, a little too well as Starbuck's eyes shifted from her face to her belly.

"I've been told to expect you to be tired and moody."

Shaking her head, she thought about correcting him. Starbuck had been told a lot of misinformation from guys who had never even held a baby, let alone stayed with a woman as long as it took to incubate one. Pilots were squeamish when it came to things that weren't mechanical. Starbuck had already dealt with more than his fair share of bodily fluids today between Jake's concussion and bruises.

"I'm okay," she said again, but Starbuck was still distracted as he shifted to talking about how they could use the brig's wide reception area and communal turbo for hydroponics.

It wasn't until he was getting out and drying off that she finally noticed his face held the same haunted look of worry she remembered from Caprica. He hadn't been himself since their mission, becoming distant at odd moments, and then hanging on to her extra tight.

"What's wrong?" she interrupted his description of using the brig's doors to build pens for some fowl if they could afford the birds for eggs rather than for the stewpot.

Turning away to throw the towel on the rack, he took the time to straighten it, hesitating before speaking. "We didn't steal them. They were damn soft."

It took her a moment to figure out what he was talking about as he was changing subjects faster than a viper running through the maze of mines they created. "We can next time we're there. The Rising Star's not going anywhere. What's wrong?"

Staying on the target of his thoughts was like trying to chase down a raider in an asteroid field.

"Nothing. Just wishing I had been on the recon patrol. They would be reaching coordinates by now where their scanners might be picking something up. If they run into any trouble, well, Bojay just got his father back. I should have gone instead of him." Starbuck's gaze was as far away as those coordinates.

"You just got your father back too," Rene tossed out hoping to draw his attention back. "And you were just sealed, still technically on your honeymoon. Plus, be honest, you're still recovering from Caprica. And what about finding the guys who attacked Jake?"

"Adama kicked me off the investigation. Besides, it's not who you think did it."

"You don't know that," she bristled at being so easily brushed off.

He surveyed himself in the mirror, touching a hand lightly to his own healing bruise on his ribs. "Yeah I do. They pulled the flight recorder for Pallus. He was flying the whole time. Brody was on duty or in the bunk room, accounted for the whole time." He reached for a clean uniform, tossing his old one into the refresher.

"Doesn't mean they didn't' do it."

Pulling on his tunic, he was fastening the collar when he finally faced her. "Actually, yeah it does. Sure, they may have had someone else do it, but do you think the two are going to admit that?"

"So that's it? That's the end of it?" She tried to keep her voice neutral, but Starbuck caught the hint of disrespect for the authority of the fleet.

"No, it's not. Just means they dig deeper. Last I heard they found someone. Besides this won't be a problem anymore with Apollo's plan."

"The one you haven't given me many details about, except moving to the Zakar, and that doesn't solve the problem we're having with Dante's lackeys." Rene pointed out, wondering about what Starbuck might be hiding as he turned away to put on his boots.

"Apollo thinks if we break up the fleet, scatter in different directions, it will make it harder for the enemy to find us, or we can use some of the other ships like Cain did." He finally turned to meet her, a confident grin on his face that she knew was anything but genuine.

"What does the kid have to do with this?"

Starbuck shook his head, "Sorry, you probably don't know. Commander Cain. When we found the Pegasus, Cain used the battle star like the cavalry in the old days, swooping in from out of nowhere to save the day. It worked and we had the Cylons on the run."

"And the Pegasus has never been heard from again. That's what Sheba told me and I would think she'd be the one to know if it is still out there." Rene didn't speak the words about how she didn't think this part of Starbuck's plan would work, shifting the topic instead. "And where do I fit into all of this?"

"Peryton thinks you can guide the Zakar through your rift. You perform a little magic and we see what's out there. Maybe find earth."

Starbuck's grin was hopeful, and she wanted to bask in the light of it, but her vision had been a strong one, not just a dream in the dark of night, but bright and vivid while she was wide awake. That wasn't going to be how they found earth. Starbuck and Apollo wouldn't find earth. The truth of it rocked her and she had to grip the counter to not fall off. Could she cheat the visions? Is that where she could use Iblis? Her mind reeled as her stomach grumbled loudly.

"You need to get some food." Starbuck's grin was gone as he stepped towards her, reaching out to lightly stroke her face. She leaned into the touch and didn't answer suddenly feeling very tired. It had been a long day. "Let's say we talk about this later. Have you seen the kids yet?"

"I didn't want to leave Jake alone." She let Starbuck evade the conversations. She'd dealt with enough of the harsh reality of her life for one day. He must have read her thoughts, as he came to her leaning forward to give her a kiss.

He was about to say something, but didn't get a chance as the chime for their quarters sounded once before they could hear the door opening.

"Does everyone have the code?" Starbuck groused, before his eyebrows rose at the shout of his name from his new wing mate. Jake must have pointed Crius to the door and Starbuck quirked an eyebrow as Crius didn't bother with knocking before opening the bathroom door.

"You mind?" Starbuck asked annoyed.

Ignoring Starbuck's words, Crius began shouting, "You need to fraking fix this right now before I slit the son of Sagan's throat! I am not doing this! I'll resign if I have to. No fraking way am I doing this!"

Starbuck sighed elaborately, one that spoke volumes about how there was never a dull moment with the Copper Squadron before shifting his full attention to Crius who was practically foaming at the mouth. Crius was frantic, and there was real fear in her friend's eyes, something she hadn't seen since the brig on Dilmun.

"Slow down. What's wrong? Can we talk about this in the other room at least?" Starbuck backed up as Crius took a step towards him with clenched fists.

"I am not doing this and that guy Omega just keeps feeding me felgercarb about learning how to be a member of the team. It's a death sentence, and he thinks I'm just having a problem fitting in? Fraking fine, I will fit in civvies if I have to!"

Starbuck raised his eyebrows at Rene, hoping she could explain what was going on, but she shrugged, just as confused. He took a measured breath letting Crius vent his fear and frustration. Rene wondered when he had gotten good at this, dealing with hot headed viper jocks, or was it that he treated Crius the way Starbuck wished others treated him? Despite the somewhat embellished stories about Starbuck's own temper, Boomer and Giles had confessed that as a leader, he had a natural way of dealing with people and problems. He employed some of that leadership now as he listened to Crius as if the words weren't nonsense.

"Okay, that's an option," Starbuck held up his hands trying to get a word in. "We could use a farmer in the family, sure, but not you. You're a good pilot, so why don't you slow down and explain to me what happened. Do you need a drink?" Starbuck placed a hand on Crius's shoulder gently turning him around and guiding him back into the main room, while nodding his head to Rene, an unspoken command to get some ambrosia.

She bristled again at Starbuck's attempt to remove her and deal with Crius himself. Sure, they were wing mates now, but she'd known Crius for almost five yahrens now. He was the first friend she made on the Zakar and she knew him better than she knew herself. But there she was, following Starbuck's lead while Crius blustered a bit more about leaving the service if he had to. He slowed down when he saw that Starbuck wasn't kidding about the drink reaching for the bottle on the table and disappeared into the food prep area for two glasses, shouting over his shoulder, "Crius, sit down. Let's talk."

The gesture Crius flashed her one handed needed no interpretation. Each of them had a symbol in their silent sly sign language, often just the first letter of their name, but Keenan's had been more complex than that. She hadn't seen the flash of Keenan's name in a long time, and it brought back the memory of Crius and Keenan crafting the hand code around their makeshift table in a corner of the male barracks. It had been a brutal night and the only one not bleeding or bruised had been Lisbet, who had seemed to have lost her mind instead from the fear and worry as she rocked in a ball at Crius's feet while the warriors quickly taught them combat signs so they could communicate when trouble was coming and learn to hide. It was the first night she had slept in Keenan's bunk as he held her, told her he didn't care she was used and damaged goods, he wanted her any way he could. It wasn't love, not exactly. It was a touch of vengeance with a touch of fear, and she let it touch her heart.

Crius had been beside them, Lisbet in his arms. He had made no promises, not to Lisbet anyway, but his gaze had locked on to Rene's, pleading for some solution, promising Rene and the Lords almost anything to make things better.

That same look was in his eyes now as he flashed Keenan's sign, telling her with one motion that things had gone from bad to worse, and someone was really going to wind up dead.

Starbuck started to pour the drinks, but Crius shot out a hand over his glass. "No, I can't. I was stupid and told Lizzie. Now she's having a full blown meltdown, and it ain't pretty. You," he snarled, jabbing a finger at Rene, "have to fix this!"

"Easy, buddy, slow down. Tell us what happened," Starbuck said calmly.

"I'm tapped to fly the next long range recon, and it comes with an emergency transfer to the Zakar, just me, not my wife," Crius stated, but Starbuck cut him off holding up a hand.

"I was going to tell you at dinner. I assure you, Lisbet is coming too. There's been a lot going on and I haven't been able to track you down, but" Starbuck hesitated and Crius jumped into the gap, only he spun his attention back to Rene as he found no traction with Starbuck.

"I'm supposed to be flying the mission with Pallus. There is no fraking way I am falling into that crawlon web, not after the message we got from his cronies!"

Grimacing, Rene realized the message left in her quarters wasn't the only one. She quickly flashed Crius a hand sign that was meant to hold that information until later. He narrowed his eyes at her audibly grinding his teeth.

"You knew you'd have to fly with some of the guys from the Zakar eventually," Starbuck added, and Rene was thankful Starbuck missed the comment about a message. "It's a new fleet and we need to get over the past and move forward to…"

Crius growled, "Does Buckaroo not know what happened to Keenan? You too busy playing kissy face to fill him in on the horror vid he walked into? I gotta do everything?"

"Crius," Rene warned, but there was no dealing with the man if Lisbet was in danger.

"I know what happened," Starbuck said as he stepped in front of Crius in an attempt to deflect his anger. "That's not going to happen here."

"You want to take that bet, because this loser knows not to play that game." Crius jabbed a thumb into his own chest. "You're not that lucky, Sire Gold Clusters. No one is, least of all me!"

Holding up his hands again, Starbuck took another deep breath, nodded in agreement with something in his own head before speaking in a voice of command. "You are not flying that recon. I am."

"No!" The words were out before Rene could pull them back and a shiver wracked her body as she gasped.

"Told you so," Jake mumbled from the couch, as Crius added, "Over my dead body!"

"ENOUGH!" Starbuck's shout was new, the shock of it stunning them all into silence. He lowered it just an octave as he said it again, "Enough! No one is going to die. Warriors do not take out other warriors, not on the Galactica. We will sort this out without everyone losing their damn minds, you got that?"

When no one replied, Starbuck took it for agreement. "Good! Now let's go deal with everyone else and then we calmly talk to the Commander. I'm the new Strike Wing Captain so I will take the recon," Starbuck held up a hand as Crius opened his mouth, "with my wing mate, which is you, not Pallus. That is what I meant before," he said shifting to Rene. "This is not the Zakar."

"It soon will be," Jake muttered.

"Then we will rename the damn ship!"

Rene flinched. This new side of Starbuck was almost as scary as Dante because she knew the stories about Starbuck were mostly true. He was a creative genius at times, and if he couldn't solve the problems of Dante's old fleet, then he'd destroy it trying, taking himself out in the process if he had to.

But her husband also was perceptive as he read all their faces and the single thought that was running through their minds. He lowered his voice, taking on the smooth tones of the pretty boy Colonial Warrior. "It's been done before, and "The Starbuck" sounds so much better than the Zakar, don't you think? Or if we want to win some favors, we'll name her after one of the members of the Council of Twelve. "The Tinia" has a nice ring to it too. But what we are not going to do is panic and act paranoid, because then Jake, they really have won the fight, and that is not happening while I'm around, got that?"

"Yes, sir," Jake answered half serious.

"Work on that. Your strike wing Captain likes a little respect. Rene, let's go deal with the rest of the family, and then I need a very captainy like nap before I take on a long recon. You are ordered to get food and rest. And you," he said, turning to Crius. "Stay on my wing like you are supposed to."

Starbuck didn't wait for any replies as he donned his jacket and headed out the door, his back straight and head high. It took Rene and the rest of them a micron to realize he was leaving, and she held out a hand for Jake to get him to his feet while Crius nearly sprinted to catch up.

Crius's quarters weren't far, but the sound of wailing reached her and Jake before they'd even made it into the corridor.

"Oh frak," Jake muttered as he tried to keep up with Rene, using the wall for support.

The quarters were in chaos and Starbuck stood amidst the turmoil, his hands up as if he were trying to block his ears. She sighed, the man could face a whole Cylon Base Ship, but crying children reduced him to a first yahren cadet ever since Caprica. What had changed, she wondered, although she couldn't really blame him this time. It was bad.

Lisbet was curled up on the floor rocking, tears streaming down her face as she gazed off at some unknown part of space. Jason was kneeling by her trying to calm her down, while Cain jostled baby Zac who was screaming as if in pain. Leia was howling and crawling in circles, while Lara stood paralyzed, eyes as wide as saucers. Kiff had latched onto Starbuck's leg for dear life, and Daniel, Calliope and Kalea were nowhere to be found. Crius had taught the kids to hide at any sign of trouble, and they did it a little too well. Kiff was just too high strung to stay hidden long, letting Rene know this scene had been playing out for a while.

She brushed aside Starbuck, telling him softly, "I've got this. Go."

She was able to get down to Lisbet and to draw her focus back into the room as she wrapped an arm around her and cooed reassuringly, "No one is going to die. He's not going out with Pallus. Starbuck's taking care of it."

The words didn't halt Lisbet's tears as she moaned, "No, not Starbuck. Not him too?"

"It's okay Lisbet. He's going with Crius. It's going to be okay." Rene felt the sharp pang of guilt as the old wound flared up. Lisbet wasn't supposed to be with them that night on Caprica. Her foster parents, ones she'd been with since she was ten, wanted her to stay home with them to celebrate, but Rene had convinced her they needed her on keyboards that night, couldn't make any coin without her, and then used her to talk Kalea into sneaking out. Kalea would only go if Lisbet went, not trusting Rene ever since she had run interference keeping Nik from making any moves on Kalea, since Ari wanted her so badly. Neither of the two gals should have left home that night. Sure, they'd probably be dead along with everyone else, but maybe not. Maybe had they been home they could have shown their parents all the secret ways through the city to get to the spaceport and get off world. And maybe being dead with a loving family was better than what Lisbet had gone through since the destruction?

Rene looked away from Lisbet's anguished and pleading eyes to Starbuck who was still standing there, at least not paralyzed as he'd drawn Lara to him, had her tucked under his arm as he listened to Cain while stroking Kiff's head reassuringly.

"Dad…uh Starbuck, they moved up my training. I can't go. Not with this going on. You need to delay it or maybe put me in a later class or…"

Starbuck cut him off. "No. Rene had you join the family so you could be a pilot like you wanted. Son, you're going to that training. Everything is fine. I'll take care of it. You show up, like you're supposed to, you got that?" Starbuck turned to meet her gaze. "You got that?"

It was an order, and she registered a tinge of contempt in his voice before he softened and asked, "Can you take care of this, alone I mean?"

The hand sign she flashed him said for him to take care of the problem that created all this, but she modulated her words with a "yes dear," that had the right effect. He nodded.

"Have Jake stay here. I'm serious about needing that nap before I fly." He picked up Kiff, handing him to Jake, then patted Lara on the head and told her it was all going to be okay before he pulled Crius from the room. His departure brought fresh tears to Lisbet's eyes.

"I liked him."

Rene sighed before taking a seat on the floor, pulling Lisbet into her arms. "I know. I do too. I'll fix this. I promise. Forever."

"We really should," Jake said cradling Kiff as best he could even though the kid was suddenly all knees and elbows moving about. "We have enough warriors, we could lose a few."

Rene nodded. "Not getting caught might be the issue now. But…" she trailed off, thinking bigger than just a few equine's astrums, thinking of a lot of Borays including one that had been ghosting her steps for far too long. "I think I know of a way. And what the guy wants in return might be just what everyone wants. They've already chosen a path to Hades. Maybe I should just take them there and shorten the trip."

Jake gave her a puzzled look before asking, "I thought when you jumped us all here, he went away?"

"Like a bad Orion check, Iblis keeps turning up. Might be time to cash that check in."

Jake didn't ask if she was sure, he didn't ask anything. Unlike others in her life he trusted her completely. And that might be the only complication in her plan: no one else did. How the hades had she let herself fall for a Colonial Warrior, again.

"I've got this," she said aloud before turning back to Lisbet. "No one is going to die. Well, someone is going to die, just not anyone we care about. I promise."

Maybe two people trusted her as Lisbet reached up to dry her eyes, seeming to find the strength she needed to pull herself together. "And not get caught?" she asked, but seeming to know the answer.

"No one ever blames a rat for being a vermin, now do they? The mouse gets caught, but the rat…" She let Lisbet finish the phrase.

"The rat knows its way out of the cage."

"Cage, what cage?" Jason asked grinning to Lisbet.

Cain's words followed. "Lock, what lock?"

Jake chuckled. "The mouse must have done it."

"Or the cat," Rene added grinning.


	13. Chapter 13

Epically awful, that's how he would describe his day. It was bad enough that he hated feeling like he had let Jake down with his inability to protect his new brother from harm, but then there was the fight with Pallus and his less than stellar behavior in front of the boys. Even more disastrous was feeling like he had betrayed and abandoned Rene as the Commander coerced her into divulging her secrets followed closely by finding out the Cylons were on their tail.

And just to make sure he lived up to his reputation as the man who could really screw things up, he thought he was going to end that cluster frak of a day with a long range recon with a man who had threatened his wife and family. Lords, he was truly delusional.

It was hard for him to believe that he'd left Rene to calm down Lizbet and the kids while he followed Crius down the corridor away from their quarters. His only thought had been, "How do I get myself into these messes? Everyone said marriage was hard. Man, they weren't kidding."

He sighed deeply as he glanced at his new wing mate sprinting ahead of him towards the bridge. Crius was panicked and Starbuck began to understand why Rene thought the air refresher systems on the Galactica weren't working properly. He'd been told by his old flight instructor that panic made your brain crave more oxygen. In the heat of battle, and especially when dealing with a damaged viper, you had to consciously slow down your breathing, or you could literally suck your life systems dry.

He'd tried to follow his old flight instructor's advice, taking a deep breath while the soft voice in his head, the one he'd started hearing while on Caprica, whispered in his mind, "This is what life is like for the Rats, one crisis after another. They are not doing as well as you think they are."

He didn't know why he thought that he had the power to do anything to fix the situation created long ago on the Zakar and now spilling over to the Galactica. He just knew that no one he cared about should fly with Pallus, probably not even himself. He had fixated on the fact that if he couldn't change things, well he had friends who could.

"There's always a solution. You just have to find it," the voice that sounded like Apollo whispered in his head. He spun around to head for the launch bay instead of the bridge. The newly promoted Colonel of the Zakar could have changed things for him, but he'd also reasoned that his friend might just say "I told you not to rush into sealing with Rene. It's just your first day and this is how it begins?"

At the thought, Starbuck chided himself, "Knock it off. You're becoming as dramatic as the Rats. You've been married for more than a few days and it is just a patrol with a bad pairing of pilots. Easy to fix. Plus, it could be worse."

Why did he have to challenge the Lords like that?

Sure the day was bad, but there wasn't a red alert, and he still had the hope that like the time before, they had found the Cylons first and could take them by surprise. He extended his wishful thinking and reasoned that fleet security might be right, Jake and Nik were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. "Think positive. Lead by example," he reminded himself.

He called out to halt Crius' frantic steps. "Give me a centon. I need to think about how to do this right."

His wing mate had paused and not questioned him, unless you counted his beseeching gaze and rocking on the balls of his feet. Starbuck had appraised his wing mate, recognizing that Crius had lived his life for the four yahrens prior to finding the Galactica by going from one calamity to another. The man had saved his friends and family from unspeakable abuses each day and had still kept it together. If Crius could do that, Starbuck could hold it together and think his way through the problem.

But seeing Lizbet fall apart so easily had unnerved him. Sure, she was shy and anxious on good days, but having a full blown melt down wasn't like her and it had riled up all the kids. Nearly everyone in the Copper Squadron depended on Lizbet more than anyone else to watch their kids. She was good at keeping the little ones organized and feeling safe. "Should they be doing that, relying on her?" he wondered, wishing that he'd followed up on the suggestion that more than just Rene needed psych evaluations.

But he'd been focused on the immediate problem, not on the whole situation. Changing the recon patrol would be a fight. Omega was a stickler for posted orders and schedules. Trades, even mutually agreed swaps, were never approved when the man was in charge. He couldn't blame the guy, not with the knowledge that the last schedule change Omega had approved came back to explode in his face, literally. It had led to Zac's death and the beginning of the end of their worlds.

His breath caught the way it always did when Zac's death and his part in it ambushed him like the ghost in a bad horror vid. He'd been unable to save the kid, in fact worse than that. The red alert and cylon attack had taken him a quadrant away to face innumerable odds while his own Battlestar flew away. It was in defeat they had finally gone looking for somewhere to refuel and luckily found the Galactica. In a viper with a throttle stuck on full, he'd barrelled into the landing bay, his anger even hotter than his turbos. It had taken Athena several tries to get through to him about what had really happened. The nightmare didn't become reality until he'd made it to the bridge.

Compared to the panicked frenzy of battle, the bridge had been muted chaos. Hands were in motion, words were being spoken, but the faces of the officers were death masks of shock. In the center of the silent storm, the commander was professional and calm. Starbuck suspected that quality alone had saved what was left of humanity. When Adama turned to acknowledge his presence on the bridge, the man's eyes were filled with anguish driving home the truth of Athena's words. Starbuck looked away, and as luck would have it, his gaze had landed upon Omega. The then Lt. Colonel had met his eyes with a look of reproach, that quickly morphed into deep remorse as the man's shoulders sagged. Starbuck had heard the phrase, "the weight of the guilt is the weight of the world" in an old poem they all had to learn at the academy, but he hadn't understood the meaning until that moment.

In a weird way, knowing that Omega blamed himself more than anyone else for the death of the commander's youngest son made it easier for Starbuck to shoulder his own regrets. Zac and Apollo's patrol should have been boring, a mere formality to maintain some sense of normalcy while the fleet prepared for peace. Omega had given the approval for the inexperienced pilot to fly with Apollo before the Captain knew the switch had been made. No one thought they would be in any danger.

But since that fated patrol, not a single schedule change had been approved by Omega unless a pilot was dead or close to it in the Life Center. Most pilots knew they had to take up any swaps or shifts in rotation with the Strike Wing Captain. In the past that would be Apollo, and he usually told you to jump the chain of command and talk to Colonel Tigh. While the Colonel could be strict, as a former viper pilot, he also understood that Pilots knew better than anyone else if they were able to fly and how a roster could be rotated.

The problem was, at the time Tigh wasn't assigned to the Galactica. With the addition of Dante's fleet, everything had changed, and Starbuck had been too busy with his new family to work out how to use the kinks in the chain of command to work in his benefit. He'd been focused on his own changes and hadn't kept up with his fellow pilots in the other squadrons. Despite what many of his friends thought, he would actually follow the chain of command for a recon change and start with the Strike Wing Captain, only there wasn't one as Starbuck's promotion hadn't been announced, not yet. Even after his promotion, he couldn't just change the roster without repercussions. The next step would have been the Officer of the Day on the Bridge. Since the destruction that would be Omega, so they would just skip that step and jump to the Colonel, but with the changes, Omega was the Colonel and they lacked an OD.

Heaving another sigh, Starbuck had taken a step towards the flight deck. Launching to the Zakar seemed his only option as he suspected if he jumped over Omega's head and went straight to Adama, it could ruin a perfectly good working relationship in the future making his own promotion pointless.

He paused and ran over his reasons as to why the recon rotation should be changed. His logic was flimsy at best, so Starbuck formed a better plan of attack. He looked to his wing mate, grasping that Crius had spent the last sectars keeping a keen eye on the duty roster, making sure the Rats avoided interactions with any of Dante's old lackeys.

"Is Gage on duty?"

"I don't think so. It was Omega that went off on me about teamwork. I was too busy wrangling with him to notice."

Starbuck nodded, figuring out the command rotation from Crius's words and his recent run in with the Colonel on the Zakar and turned back to the living quarters for Command. He didn't need to go far, just a compartment away from the Commander. Pressing the door signal long and hard, he calculated the time from when Gage stopped Starbuck's fight with Pallus that the Colonel should be right in the middle of sleep cycle. Starbuck punched the button in several quick successions, the code for an emergency, before pressing it long and hard again.

When he finally answered, Gage was shirtless, his pants and boots on and the shirt was in his hand. "What now? I told you to go home."

"I need a favor, and you owe me for what happened at the sealing." Starbuck spoke without preamble. Gage's look of surprise, followed by suspicion slowed Starbuck down for a micron, but he practically heard Crius's pounding heart as the man shifted on the balls of his feet, just barely containing himself. "I need to change up the recon roster, and you owe me."

Gage stepped back, gesturing for the two men to enter his office. "I thought I told you to stay home with the kids. We've started the investigation and Adama was clear you are not to be a part of the investigation. Besides, they think they've found someone responsible."

"Who is it?"

Gage shook his head, "Some guy named Zethus. Don't think you would know him, but he has a record and we found Jake's coin pouch on him."

"So they still think it was just a robbery? You know it was more than that right?"

Gage was about to speak, but Starbuck held up his hand stopping him. "We can deal with that later. This is about something else," Starbuck reached out a hand to steady Crius before his wing mate could take the step into the room. "I'm taking Pallus's place on the recon."

"The recon? That's been delegated to the Zakar. That's not my decision. That's your buddy Apollo's concern, not mine," Gage said while taking a good look at Crius. "What's happened now? Get in here so we can talk."

Starbuck hesitated, but Gage reached out for Crius, dragging the two of them in tandem and waited for the door to close.

"Look, about the sealing," Gage started, "I should have stayed out of it and I'm sorry. I just wasn't thinking straight and I…"

Starbuck had cut him off before the man could make any confessions that frankly Starbuck didn't want to hear. Rene had a complicated past with the Colonel, hades with everyone she considered family, and at that moment Starbuck hadn't wanted to contemplate where he himself might fit into the maze of entanglements if his marriage took a wrong turn and crashed and burned.

He cut off Gage, not wanting to rehash the man's complicated feelings, still focused on the immediate problem.

"They've got Pallus flying with Crius. Easy fix, I'm Crius' wing mate and Pallus is attached to the Zakar. I'm taking the patrol. You just need to log it, got it?"

Gage jerked back at Starbuck's insolent tone before straightening. "That's 'sir' to you, got it? And you're not cleared for flying."

Starbuck clenched his teeth before nearly snarling, "Yes I am and, sir, you are going to change that roster. If you won't take Pallus off the recon, then I'm taking Crius off and going in his place. Crius is ill, isn't that right, Lieutenant?"

"You getting killed doesn't solve anything!" Crius snapped at him.

"What is going on?" Gage shifted from Starbuck to Crius. "Besides Starbuck attempting to take Pallus's head off?" Starbuck was about to say something sarcastic, but Gage held up his hand stalling him. "We checked his logs. He was where he was supposed to be the whole patrol. He didn't attack Jake."

"This isn't about that. It's about changing a roster," Starbuck lied attempting to remain calm.

Gage shook his head. "And you came to me? Why? I don't control that. I don't control anything. You have more power than I do, and that's not saying much."

"You can just sign off on it. You're a Colonel for Sagan's sake," Starbuck huffed in exasperation wishing he had followed his gut and launched for the Zakar again and spoken to Apollo, but then again, even his buddy hadn't seemed to grasp the power of his rank. "I thought you cared about the Rats or was it just Rene?"

Gage winced and looked away, avoiding the topic altogether as he answered, "My rank doesn't get me very far here. I'm never left alone on the bridge and all my decisions are second guessed. It's almost like they don't trust me. Huh, I wonder why that is? Could it be requests like this?" Gage's sarcasm was uncharacteristic. Starbuck had thought the Colonel enjoyed being in the fleet, but once again he had misjudged the situation.

"For the love of Hades," Starbuck cursed under his breath. He didn't have the time to get everyone into therapy. "I just want to change a recon rotation and you more than anyone else should understand why. I'm not asking you to do anything above your paygrade."

Gage crossed his arms and fixed a stern glare on his face while Starbuck did the same. Who knew how long that staring contest would have lasted if the lights hadn't shifted to red and the klaxon blared.

"Frak!" Cursing, he turned to grab Crius and sprinted down the corridor to catch the battle transports that were the fastest way to the launch bay.

Crius tried to ask him questions as they ran, but Starbuck didn't have answers. He too thought that the enemy had been out of range, but it was a full alert and that meant the attacking force had to be large.

He was in his cockpit situating his helmet so it was more comfortable as he lowered his canopy and gave the thumbs up back to the deck crew before he realized the crewman helping him was Rene. She was patting his canopy, the final check that the seal was good, before she hopped down to prep his viper for launch.

He wished that he'd taken the time to notice it was his wife that was prepping him for battle. It would have completed the heroic fantasy he was deluding himself with, the kiss by the maiden before he faced insurmountable odds. It could be the magic that would tip the battle in their favor, helping him feel like he was invincible. Or at the very least, one last kiss before meeting his maker.

But his canopy was sealed, the fuel lines detached, and the command to launch issued while Rene turned away to prep the next pilot. Nothing had changed in his yahrens as a viper pilot, at least not once the stick was in his hand. They were warriors and they did their jobs, as automatic as the Cylons.

He'd launched and formed up his squadron. It wasn't until he reached for the long range telemetry that he noticed Rene had wedged a holo between his screen and his gyroscope. It was the shot of him holding Kalea in one arm, Leia in the other, Lara hanging onto him and Jason and Cain with their arms around him. His breath caught at the sight of it and he damn near turned his viper back to the Galactica. The desire to keep them safe was stronger than anything he had ever felt before.

Swallowing it down, he took the holo from its place and shoved it into his jacket. When he first saw that holo placed there by his wife, the weight of keeping his family safe, and knowing that he would willingly die doing it, added too many G forces to his viper. But tucked safely next to his heart, surprisingly it had the opposite effect, making him feel lighter. He had several reasons to fight, to live and to return like the hero should.

"Alright Bucko, that's enough with the self-pity," he said aloud to no one.

He cleared his head and put himself in the moment, with his squadrons around him, the old one Blue and his new one Copper. He took command and requested coordinates for the attack as it was not evident to the naked eye through his canopy or on his scanners. The vicinity was clear and the Galactica waited for every single viper to launch from each warship before Omega's voice issued the recall across the comms.

As the Captain, he was one of the last ones in. It was Jenny that helped him in the landing bay, but he still found himself looking for Rene knowing full well that it was different crews for the launching versus landing. He tossed his helmet to Jenny, the question on his lips when she answered.

"It was a drill. It didn't go well. They want you in the briefing room."

Not knowing if he should curse or laugh in relief, he thanked her and headed for the briefing that was sure to be long and unproductive. By the time he arrived, all of the other officers had assembled. He slumped into a seat as the numbers were rattled off. It had taken nearly thirty centons to get all the pilots assembled and the vipers launched. The only other time the numbers had been this bad was when half the pilots were too hungover to fly after Iblis' epic party.

"And this drill was in the middle of a day cycle. If this were a real attack to occur during a sleep period, well we might as well all say our prayers for the last time and crawl under the covers." Adama's words stung deeply, because they were accurate.

The briefing dragged as Starbuck's promotion was announced and his first task was to answer for the squadron's poor performance. No one cheered his announcement that he was setting up trainings and more drills.

It was centaurs later before he was done. His boots dragged as he headed for his quarters, knowing more paperwork would be waiting for him when he reported for duty in the morning.

"Worst day ever," he thought as he entered his dimly lit quarters and tossed his jacket on the sofa.

"Tell me about it," Jake had muttered from under a blanket on the couch, shoving Starbuck's jacket to the floor. "You're supposed to knock."

In all the commotion, Starbuck had forgotten that it was his own suggestion that Jake stay with them.

"It's my quarters and I shouldn't be interrupting anything that involves you," he groused as he collapsed into a chair checking his chrono. It was late and the only thing that had gone right was that neither he nor Crius joined Pallus on that long range recon.

"How are you doing?" Jake asked with bleary eyes.

"I should be asking you, you're the one who got beat up. Where's Rene and the kids?"

Jake nodded a head toward the kitchen. "I made her get something to eat. Lizbet and the boys have the girls."

Starbuck nodded, glad there had been someone there for Rene while he was tied up with briefings. "They think they found one of the guys who attacked you. I'll check in the morning."

Jake had just grunted to him, and Starbuck had grunted back, thankful for the progress the two had made. He was too tired to deal with any Rat minefields tonight.

"Saved you dinner," Rene said poking her head out from the kitchen, coming out with a plate full of grilled protein and fresh greens.

It had turned his day around, the warmth of coming home from a bad day to find the ones you loved waiting on you. The food had been some of the best he'd ever eaten even though it was just reheated leftovers. It had been served by his beautiful wife, glowing with the child she carried, his child. She had set the plate down on the table and come to him, wrapping her arms around him. He'd pulled her into his lap and the problems of the day melted away as he leaned down to kiss her.

He could feel the warmth of her lips on his and held onto the memory of the simple pleasure of coming home after a long day. She'd made him eat, as she and Jake talked around him of the coming changes, what needed to be packed for their move, what quarters would be needed and how things should be arranged. It was banal conversation, and lords he needed. They had discussed Cain and his entering the training, and when Jason might begin his own, not as a pilot, but perhaps a bridge officer, or mechanic.

After he was done, Rene took his hand and helping him get ready for bed, tucking him in almost like a child before joining him, curling up in his arms as Jake put out the light, mumbling, "Thanks for letting me stay."

"Anytime brother," he said. "Tomorrow will be better."


	14. Chapter 14

The next morning, it was back to business as usual. Why had Rene thought it would be any different after the IFB sealing circus? Maybe because she so wanted it to be different, just a little, because then she might be able to actually hang on and maybe keep the promise she'd made to the crusty old doc about the things she shouldn't be consuming.

But Starbuck's chrono had gone off early, and he stumbled out of their bed, ignoring her like he had the cycle before when launching. Sighing she shook her head. He was loyal to a fault. She liked that about him even if it meant that often duty would come before her. That's what she tried to tell herself as she thought back to the honeymoon suite where she had the most popular guy in the fleet all to herself.

Now she was back to competing with the Cylons for his attention. It was another reason to want to kill as many as she could and why she'd be asking for a duty change. That would not be a fun fight today as the Galactica was not Dante's Zakar. The colonials here were prudish, almost ancient Kobolian in their beliefs about women. If they had their way, she'd be in the mess hall cooking. They'd probably take her boots away too, I mean, she was pregnant after all. That was not what she had in mind for the next few sectars until she could get back to the cockpit.

If she couldn't fly, she could at least play with some explosives and help get the mines built and deployed. Asking for the transfer outright wasn't a bright idea, so she plotted out the closest she could get and then would just naturally shift over. If she used the rules and regulations against them, plus the Galactica's chain of command, just as long as this didn't get shot up too high, she could pull it off. She'd already had Alex go into the Galactica database and alter some of her service record. It wasn't too hard as Dante hadn't really kept track of their trainings and duties. Despite his favoritism towards those who graduated from the Academy, Dante didn't care about filling out forms. The man cared about results and if someone wanted to juggle explosives, he didn't check to see what body parts they had in their pants. He let them play with explosives and pretty much anything they wanted as long as they were working the fourteen centaurs or more. The man only got particular if they wounded an academy trained colonial in the process of their self-instruction.

But the Galactica, and more specifically Adama, was so much different. It would be a battle if she approached the matter head on. She was beginning to understand her husband a bit better and why he had learned to be suave and sneaky. If only she could ask him for help with this, but she suspected he'd hold to the Commander's opinions about women and weapons, that the two shouldn't mix. He'd proven he'd followed the Commander's decisions the day before when he didn't object to Adama's demands that she detail the abuse that had happened to her. If she was going to get her hands on some explosives and chemicals to do some damage to those who had attacked Jake and were threatening her family, she'd have to Starbuck everyone, including Starbuck.

Rolling over into the warm spot left by his body, she debated laying there and waiting until the last possible moment that she could, but suddenly she needed to remind Starbuck that they were still newly wed. So far sex had worked to divert her husband's attention from looking too closely at what she might be up to, plus she got something out of it too. The things he could do to her body helped to keep the voices quiet and silenced the need for something else, something chemical in nature, to help her through her days. The doc had gotten her sober and Starbuck's baby deserved to be born under better conditions.

She tossed aside the covers, and as she padded past Jake, she jostled him awake. "Shut your ears and don't come in."

"You needed to wake me up to tell me that?" he'd groused before rolling over and dragging the pillow over his head.

"No, but I thought you should know you're right. I do love him." She didn't think he heard her, but it didn't matter.

She didn't knock as she opened the door and Starbuck called out from the turbo, "Hey, we had a deal! Oh, it's you. You want in?"

Her answer had been to drop the shirt of his she wore to bed on the floor and to open the door of the turbo to join him. He didn't hesitate to take her in his arms, gasping as her hands found their way around him and gave his astrum a squeeze.

"Good morning to me," he said before his mouth locked onto hers and his hands began to roam, lingering longingly over the curve of her belly before moving on. The differences in their height made things a little awkward, but Starbuck was known for creative solutions as he lifted her in his arms and braced her against the wall of the turbo. Rene lost herself in the passion, drinking it up like a strong glass of nectar. She didn't even try to be quiet, letting the whole Galactica know that the honeymooners were home.

Afterwards, he was smiling as he shaved, and brushed his hair into place, chattering away, mostly to himself about how he was going to set up the squadrons on the Zakar and create a rotation so that he could see how the old Zakar pilots interacted with the Galactica pilots. His ideas for bringing over Silver Spar were interesting, until you factored in Bojay. She just couldn't get over her initial dislike for the man, mainly because she couldn't help wondering how he might have fit into Dante's crew. He would have joined in on the fun and games, no doubt about it.

But Starbuck trusted him and she had to admit, her husband was a good judge of character, probably better than her. Starbuck had disliked Dante from the moment the man set foot on the Galactica. She could try to give Bojay a second chance for Sheba's sake. She was looking forward to having her as a neighbor on the Zakar.

Interrupting her thoughts, Starbuck asked, "Cain starts training in a few days. I thought we could have a party in the Officers Club for him and you guys could play something. I think he and Jason might like that. Maybe even fit in some triad before and then dinner with the family, then off to the OC. What do you think?"

Nodding, she tried not to cry. How did she get so lucky?

It wasn't until they were both dressed and leaving the turbo that Starbuck remembered that Jake was there. Starbuck blushed all the way down to the neck of his tunic when Jake commented, "Good turbo or do you just really like hot water?"

"Don't make me kick you out," her husband had quipped back, but she could tell he wasn't serious. He got busy making the java and scraping together something to eat. Coming out of the prep area he cocked his head asking, "When do you have to report for duty? Are you on the flight deck or the landing bay?"

"Well frak, he's going to be checking up on me today," she thought looking away so he wouldn't read her intentions as she answered. "The flight deck. Starting a training on laser repair, just as soon as I find someone else to keep an eye on Jake. Can you wait for me?"

"I need to report in. It's just a turn of a corridor to get to the Council chambers. No one is going to attack you here," he'd huffed in annoyance.

"I'm getting up," Jake said from the sofa, swinging his legs over and making it to his feet. He was a bit wobbly, but he made it to the turbo and sealed the door.

Starbuck watched his progress before he turned back to her. "I can go get someone. Who's tapped for babysitting the big baby?"

She shook her head. She had no idea as schedules and duties had all been scrambled after the disaster of a drill. "Nik or Dara I think, but it might be Max or Alex."

"I'll track someone down, or he can come with me and lounge in my new office. Don't think I'll be leaving it for a while."

As Starbuck groused, she couldn't help reminding him, "Well since I can't fly, it seems only fair you don't either."

"I'm going to take a recon as soon as I can, just to remind them I'm going to be a different kind of Captain."

She nodded her head cutting back the words she wanted to snap at him. Of course he was going out soon. The enemy was out there and he was chomping at the bit to get back into a viper because the Cylons were a problem he could deal with. Humans wanting to do harm to other humans wasn't something he wanted to face. Plus, there was the whole issue of wanting to get revenge for the torture they went through on Caprica.

She jolted at the memory that burst into her vision, the white room, the wires, the pain.

She must have gasped as Starbuck was suddenly there, his arms around her, a concerned look on his face.

"I'm okay," she said before he could speak, but she'd broken out into a cold sweat. Desperately she wanted to push him away, to go to the kitchen and dig the pills out from where she had taped them to the bottom of a drawer.

"Or, I could stay in. I have paperwork to do. You could help me with that. You're better at rosters than I am and…"

Frak he was adorable when he was concerned about her, but it also didn't solve anything having him worry, especially since he couldn't do anything to make what happened to them just go away.

"I'm okay," she stated gruffly, pushing at his arms. "You're right. It's just a turn of a corridor and you have to report in. We'll be fine."

It was the wrong words to use and her strategy to push him away and change his focus didn't work. His eyes clouded with worry right before going steely blue. "That's it. Both of you are coming with me today. I'll just order it. My promotion was made official yesterday just in time for me to take credit for the drill as my luck would have it. So I'll just requisition the two of you to help me. Problem solved."

Taking a deep breath, she calmed the tremors in her hands, and tried to take a confident step turning away from him.

"No, I mean it. We're fine. You said they caught someone. Who?"

He shook his head, "I didn't recognize the name, neither did Crius. A Zenon or something. Maybe Zeus, I'm not sure, but he's not a warrior so as long as everyone sticks to the Galactica, I really don't think you're going to have any problems.

Wincing as she nodded, she swallowed what she wanted to say to her new man about his lack of brains. Civilians poured onto the Galactica all the time. Due to his popularity, Starbuck thought he knew everyone and everybody was his friend. She didn't think that had been completely true before she'd come along. It certainly wasn't the case since their rescue from Dilmun. His brawl with Pallus on the Rising Star had earned him some respect maybe, but while you might regard your enemy as worthy opponent, that was not admiration.

"It wasn't just one guy Starbuck, it was six or more according to Nik."

"I know that!" He said defensively, "They're working on it and I haven't forgotten. I'm checking in with security as soon as I get to my office."

Rene shook her head, "So fleet security not Colonial is on it? They're fraking idiots!

"I KNOW!"

She flinched as he shouted, but it didn't stop her from shooting him a glare.

He lowered his voice, stepping closer so he was nose to nose with her. "I have not forgotten what they did to him. I am not letting them get away with it. I'll be doing my own interrogation of the guy later, and having another chat with Pallus. You should have told me about his and Brody's threats. I could have done something then, but now, it's more complicated."

Nodding, she accepted the guilt he was laying on her. She should have done something about this sooner too, when Adama felt he owed her for saving them from the Cylons and everyone was a little scared about what she could do. She wouldn't have had to be sneaky. But it was too late for that.

Starbuck sighed in frustration as he watched her eyes carefully. "I know what you're thinking, that we are just going to brush this under a rug somewhere, but I promise you," he reached for her chin, lifting it so she would meet his eyes, "I promise you, I will find out who did this and they will pay. You understand? If this was random, that kind of evil needs to be dealt with. If it was targeted, well they're going to find out how ruthless I can be, you got that?"

She nodded, not sure what he might do, but she knew he kept his word because for yahrens, it's all he'd had.

He turned his hold of her chin into a softer caress of her jawline. "You should have told me, about the threats, about everything. You haven't had any problems here, right? Nothing physical anyway, just taunting, not that you would tell me."

She winced again. Of course Crius had told him. Like she always reminded the rest of the Rats, Colonials stuck together. You couldn't tell one without telling all the others.

"Why didn't you tell me? I'm on your side, you know that right?" Starbuck was getting better at reading her and she cursed to herself. She'd have to work harder on cloaking her thoughts.

Shrugging, she tried to think of an answer that he might accept, but the cold gray flint in his eyes told her he was in Strike Wing Captainy mode and any excuse she gave probably wouldn't satisfy him. She settled for the truth as the easiest diversion for the moment.

"Then you would have known all we had been up to and I wasn't getting death threats until I cut the supply. You weren't thinking that would earn me a salute from them did you?"

"Dammit Rene," he swore in frustration as he moved away from her, looking like he wanted to strike her himself. "I could have done something about it! I could have kept Jake and you safe!"

It was her turn to swear, "How the frak were you going to do that, huh Starbuck? By getting in another fight with Pallus and kicked out of the service?"

Her aim had been far too accurate with her words. She wanted him to understand why she'd kept supplying Pallus and the others with her and Jake's illicit goods, not blame him for the transaction.

"If I had to, yes! Don't you get it? I love you!"

The words were hurled at her and she took the punch to the gut he meant them to be. The force of it knocked the wind out of her with the reality that he would do something stupid and bold just to prove he loved her. She couldn't take the weight of that.

"Okay," she said a little breathless before getting control of herself. She so wanted to tell him he didn't have to do a thing, that he should stay out of it and she would clean up this whole mess, but he would have far too many questions about what she was up to. She took another deep breath, "Okay, I'll let you handle it. You trust the system, and I trust you. Fine, we'll do it your way."

The lie flowed liked sweet nectar across her lips.

"I didn't say I trusted the system. I said I know people," he replied letting her know he wasn't completely accepting her lie. "I will find out what is going on, who did this to Jake, and they will pay when I get my hands on them. They will never see another day and I…

"They're expecting me on the flight deck," she cut him off. She didn't want to deal with the thought of Starbuck getting caught and tossed out of the service. That was more guilt than she could shoulder today. She couldn't tell him how much she appreciated his vengeance, because she might say too much about her own and what she had planned. Rule number one she'd learned from Dante, silence is the best diversion of all. She needed him to let her take care of this.

"Look, Can we talk about this later? I need to get Jake somewhere so he won't pass out and die on me and I can't show up late or call out sick the first day. We can talk about this later."

"You can count on that pretty lady. This is not over," he said his eyes hardening. "He can't just stay here?"

She shrugged again, "Jake might be better off just reporting back to the Life Center. They can find something he can do even with a headache. They would watch his back and I guess I'll have to watch my own, because like you, I have a duty to do. "

Using the concern about who attacked Jake with a dash of the Colonial creed and piggy backing on his declaration of love seemed to work to throw him off the trail of what she might be up to, even if he still looked dubious. She added the final piece to her argument, "The enemy you really need to deal with today is out there, closer than we thought before yesterday. I put us back on our path and in their way. I have to do something about it or I won't be able to live with myself."

That worked to keep him off the scent of her true distress. Guilt was something her husband understood. He carried enough of it himself for deaths that weren't his fault, like Ari. The thought cascaded through her like a short in a circuit of a faulty control panel. Did he kill Ari? Not on purpose, no he wouldn't do that, but by accident or…

She turned away, shutting down her own mind's attempt at recalling the memory. What the frak was wrong with her today?

Breathing as slowly as she could, she did everything the opposite of what Dixon would want her to do. She didn't focus on the moment and try to let the image resolve itself in her mind because she didn't want to know. "Remain unseen," she willed the vision. It was best that image stayed locked in a crypt deep in the recesses of her stone heart. She sealed it up, shifting her thoughts to the mistake she had made not having Ari stay on the Galactica. She used her own guilt that came in like a wave to wash away the scene of blood and bone.

"It's not your fault," Starbuck said reaching for her, turning her back to him. "You did what you had to do and there are worse places you could have sent us. We've been safe for over four sectars. You have no idea what a blessing that was for the fleet, plus the extra warships you brought with us. You have nothing to blame yourself for."

His words were sweet, but they were sugar coated zeroes, sweet nothings and nowhere near the truth.

He looked down at her, his face earnest as he spoke with conviction. "It's not your fault. You didn't create the Cylons. They would have found us sooner or later. They were about to do a brain scan on me too, remember? This time we spotted them first. We got lucky. We will again. Besides, Luck is my real name. My own father told me so."

His attempt at humor worked as the words made her laugh. Chameleon had said no such thing. He had finally told Starbuck his real name at the sealing reception, a moniker that did not fit her husband at all. They had both agreed that someone named Gabriel wouldn't be blonde, or good looking. Maybe greasy haired mousy brown and a bit more feminine. Gabriel's were guys who read too much and never drank ambrosia, but sipped at vino and commented on theater reviews with their nose in the air at the mention of triad and pyramid. Definitely not Starbuck.

She shook her head at him. "Okay, but you can't have me just sitting around your office. I have a job to do too. Besides, I'll just distract you and I don't care who barges in." She winked at him, letting it help her chase away the visions she didn't want to have, and calling forth the memories she craved of the two of them together in a golden suite.

Starbuck nodded and sighed. "I'll go get someone, Jolly maybe or Boomer. Be right back."

She didn't stop him as he headed out the door. The sooner he got back to work, the sooner she could set her plans in motion. First things first, she had her own threat to deliver to Pallus and Brody. She couldn't get to Pallus today, unless Apollo really could make transfers happen with the snap of his fingers, but Brody was within reach. So were his friends. Salik was running contraband testing on everyone. She'd make sure the old doc wasn't wasting his time. Today he'd find something.

Knowing Starbuck wouldn't take long to find someone, she headed for the food prep area, digging out the can of beets in the back of the cupboard. Starbuck couldn't stand the things, so the can, emptied of its original contents and resealed, made a great hiding place. She pulled out the pills she had stashed there, uppers, downers, mood lifters of all kinds, choosing the most potent. She'd be stopping by the mess hall, but it wouldn't be to report for duty.

It was amazing how easy it was to make friends on the Galactica when you had a huge stash of jewelry taken from one of the best stores on Caprica. She had loaded up her pockets one trip just with earrings, well over a hundred pairs or more. Those tiny bits of colored gems had been more valuable than she ever imagined, opening up doors and gaining her favors all over the ship. Many of those in the Life Center wore them, and the extra glint of gold could be found in the lobes of all the child minders, and even Jason's teacher after Rene had to deal with the kid mouthing off in class one more time about how that amount of math wasn't really needed. He had a point, not much math went into the physics of flying.

Yup, half of the Galactica was sporting her gems, and today that would be including the mess hall. Hestia would pay her back with some warm java containing a little extra jolt, delivered to just the right guy. Jake could bribe Giselle in the Life Center about which names should be moved up on the list of those being tested for unauthorized substance, and Rene would sit back and watch as the chips fell. She would win the game this time. The mother frakers deserved what they had coming.


	15. Chapter 15

Command made you stupid. He'd been convinced of it before, and now he knew why. Everyone around you was an idiot. You just had to dumb yourself down to fit in, he guessed. Well that wasn't going to be him.

He'd made some agreements with himself long ago, that if he ever managed to straighten up and fly right long enough to be in command, he was going to do a lot of things differently. Not just different, smarter. Like doing away with the endless drills that served no purpose.

He broke that deal with himself his first day back. He ran drills until everyone was cursing his name. He wasn't completely daft though. He found that like he'd always suspected of Apollo, the Strike Wing Captain did indeed have control of handing out furlon days. He used them liberally, turning the drills into a competition. First pilot in his viper won a furlon and no fair just hanging around the launch bay. When he caught Boomer cheating by rigging the lifts so he could get on and exclude everyone else while programming a straight shot down to the flight deck, Starbuck had to add another competition. The man that could document they had come the farthest on the ship and still got there first, earned two furlon days. He kept that up until he could muster the squadron from the nose and the stern all the way to the launch bay, pilots in vipers, prepped for launch in under ten centons. They were cursing his name while they did it, but by the Lords, they did it.

Then he went for under five centons. They were too tired to curse then and he handed out a furlon day to all of them for making it. Why not? With the enemy closing in, they wouldn't see many of those furlon days in the future. And if Apollo's plan could gain approval in the Council, they may not have anywhere to take those days off other than their bunks on the Zakar.

He thanked the lords he had a pilot and a flight deck crewman for a wife. She understood that he was busy, but he got to see her every drill, plus she often brought him lunch and dinner to the duty office, hanging around to give him a needed break. Sometimes they even kicked everyone out and he could clear his desk for more arousing concerns of the day. Nothing like a little fooling around to help you focus for the rest of the shift.

More than understanding, Rene straightened up and flew straight. Sure, things had been a little rough the first day back when she insisted on being there when Fleet Security wanted Jake and Nik to identify the guy they had in custody for the attack. The Rat's silent code was flowing between the three so fast, Starbuck barely caught most of the conversation. Both young men didn't recognize the guy, and Rene was flashing they should just say it was one of their attackers without a doubt and something about her taking care of the rest. The hand gestures argument got heated, and all it accomplished was to completely confuse Security.

Starbuck finally had to drag Rene from the room.

"You're not helping!" he'd barked at her once in the corridor.

"He didn't do it. They've found someone to take the fall," she insisted.

"And how would you know? You weren't even there!" He understood her insistence that it was Pallus even when none of the evidence pointed that way. He'd begun having to work with the guy. He was a boray, no doubt about it. He barely communicated with any of the Copper Squadron including Boomer and Jolly, unless you counted scowling with disdain as conversation. Starbuck had conceded to Rene's defiance, "Look, maybe you're right. There were more involved, we know that, but this guy's genetic markers were in…" he grimaced at the image and changed his wording, "on Jake. He was involved, and if we can get him locked up, eventually he'll sing like a caged bird. One step at time, Rene!"

Shaking her head, she had muttered, "Fraking Colonials," before she turned to head back to the Flight Deck. The chief of the deck, a decent guy who Starbuck considered a friend, had swung by his office late in the shift to let Starbuck know it hadn't gone well her first day on deck.

"You've got yourself a moody one, don't ya?" he'd asked. "But she swears like a mechanic. She's more interested in the mine's we're deploying than doing her job. Anything I should know to make this work?"

Starbuck had been tempted to throw his hands up in the air in defeat. He was neck deep in paperwork and the last thing he needed was to have a talk with his wife about her attitude. But he knew Tyrol. He took hotheaded viper jockeys in stride.

"She's just pissed she can't fly. I think she just wants to kill as many tinheads as she can. And she kind of designed the patterns those mines run," Starbuck rolled his eyes. "You know how touchy people get thinking they own the equipment, when we all know it belongs to the Commander." Starbuck referred back to the various squabbles his pilots often had with the deck crews about the care and feeding of their babies.

"Nothing worse than a pilot that can't fly," Tyrol summarized. "Good to know. We'll work it out."

Starbuck had considered calling him back to his office, but he had enough to do, and Rene could fight her own battles. Much to his surprise, her and Tyrol did work it out. Starbuck often found the two elbows deep on an engine and looking like they were enjoying themselves.

As the tribunal was held for Nik and Jake's attacker, and the man was convicted, things calmed down a little, so he could focus on finding the enemy that was trailing them. He finally got to see what others had told him about Rene, she knew what it meant to be a pilot. Despite being herself at times, rebellious and disrespectful, she did take the job seriously. His viper was pristine, systems hot and primed to go before he hit the flight deck. She knew what the pilots needed most, and had even snuck in little bottles of ambrosia with the emergency supplies. She knew that if your viper took a hit, it might be awhile before someone could get to you. A drink might be just what you needed while you waited for a rescue, or faced the reality that one wasn't coming.

She used her knowledge of being a pilot to help him in other ways as well. When he planned to run his first sleep cycle drill, he crawled into bed fully clothed, boots and all. He couldn't help wondering what Cassie might have said if he'd done that to her, but Rene didn't say a word, other than asking he leave the jacket on the chair, the buckles dug into her if she curled up to him. Wearing her boots too, she came to bed fully clothed. Her answer to his raised eyebrow was, "Your drills affect the flight deck crew too you know."

He found out that all he had to do was talk to the Colonel and he could give out furlons to the flight deck. With the added incentives, they broke the record for the Galactica, making it from in their bunks to turbos firing in just under two centons, and it only took four cycles to do it. He bought everyone a drink in the Officer's Club that night.

Lords he was so tired, he barely stayed awake for that drink. That's what made those in command stupid, he was beginning to think, the lack of sleep. When he ran a drill, he had to be all over the Galactica checking on his pilots, then he had to go over the results. It took him twice as long as the viper jockeys. Then there was the constantly querying the bridge for the long range scans to track the enemy. The rear recon had confirmed, it was the Cylons on their tail, but they weren't closing in, not yet. There had to be more out there. The bastards were surely coordinating an attack, the question was when and where?

One of the perks of his new position was having some input into how the fleet should respond to the situation, not that it changed Adama's opinion about sticking to their course, but at least he was heard. The Commander was all for Apollo's idea of taking the warships on a hunting mission, but he wanted to be sure of just what they were after and if they could match the firepower of the enemy.

"I won't have those ships being used as bait or science experiments testing black hole rift theories. We need more information if we are going to go on the offensive. For now, defense is our best offense. Protect the ball. Don't be so anxious to make the shot."

Adama was right, of course, but it didn't stop Starbuck from itching to get the family over to the Zakar so he could take the helm and face down a base ship. But then Cain's training was delayed by a secton as it waited for the other recruits to be ready. The young man nearly cried hearing the news. He was so eager to have his shot at the tinheads. In a way, Starbuck was thankful for the secton he was able to spend with the young man. He got to know Cain even better as he pulled both boys into his office most days after school. The two kept the place somewhat neat, stacking up his reports and clearing out the half drunk cups of Java. The move to the Zakar had to wait. So Starbuck took advantage of the time and did what he did best, fly.

He took that long range recon like he said he would. The Zakar, sent in front of the fleet, kept registering a strange rectangle shape far ahead of them. Apollo claimed it came and went irregularly on the edge of their range. That meant it had to be moving under its own propulsion. It was driving Starbuck insane. He had to know what it was, especially with the growing rumor that it was a destroyer from Dilmun. Too many of Dante's former warriors were spreading that speculation with a bit more zeal than was needed. Not helping matters was the fact that Boomer had counted. The Dilmun warriors outnumbered the Galacticans.

"If you include that almost all of them can fly a viper, we are the minority. They could in theory take over," Boomer said one day in the duty office. The thought made Starbuck shiver, not so much the take over, but the thinking, "Us and Them". Not just the Rats were forming their own groups, but the Blue, Red and Silver Spar squadrons as well. Soon on top of griping about duty schedules and drills, he'd have to deal with people and politics.

It was a lot to consider, and he needed to clear his head. Nothing did that better than flying. Dr. Paye had confirmed that most of the "foreign bodies" inside him had been expelled, what was left was issuing a signal too weak to be found beyond the Life Center. He had to know what was out there, especially when he actually began hoping it was the enemy as a common foe might solve the divisions in the fleet before things got too bad. He was cleared to fly, so he took that recon patrol.

For Sagan's sake, why didn't somebody stop him? Taking that long flight was a huge mistake. He hadn't seen a cockpit for any length of time since the launch for Caprica, unless you counted his own drills which were just a launch and a landing. Plus, Cora was along for the ride again. He thought he'd lost her when he had to abandon his viper near the shopping mall, a perfect place to ditch the gal. But no, she'd been resurrected and Crius who had joined him, took a liking to Cora, just making the computer even more annoying.

Four centaurs into the flight, Starbuck's back began to ache and he had to shake his hands occasionally to get some feeling back into them. The lingering numbness from the damage the ILs had done to him on Caprica had dissipated in the cycles after his sealing, or so he had thought. Five centaurs into the recon is when he realized that he'd just gotten used to the lack of feeling, and now it was getting worse. His fingers tingled for a while, then went dead as his back began to throb. In the middle of his back where he couldn't reach, something painful stabbed him if he sat still too long. There was no room to really shift around in a viper so that he could stretch out his shoulders and his back, so he had settle for hunching over and then sitting back up straight while he reached up with his hands to his canopy. After six centaurs he tried twisting his shoulders back and forth. It had been unwise maneuver as the numbness turned into a burning that radiated from his shoulders to his hands. If he could just stretch out, move a little, it would solve the problem he was sure of it, but the discomfort grew with each centon.

"You okay over there buddy?"

The fact that Crius could tell something was wrong across the gulf that separated him, helped Starbuck swallow his pride, which just burned more going down, settling in the small of his back.

"No. I'm not. We're not finding anything and…" he hesitated. They had reached the coordinates, they should give it a good look since they had come all this way, but the scanners were clear. "Have you got anything?"

"Nope. It's as barren as a socialator's celebration for celibacy. What's wrong?"

Starbuck wanted to chuckle at Crius's joke, but he was miserable with the reality that it was going to take six centaurs to get back. He wasn't going to make it, not the way he was feeling.

"Come on, Buckaroo, fess up." Crius had nudged his viper closer to get a look at him. Starbuck couldn't even get his fist to close so he could give the thumbs up.

"Now you're scaring me," Crius said. "Do I have to tow you back?"

He thought about lying. He was fine, really he was, just too long sitting in one position, that's all. He'd not had any problems since Caprica and he and Rene had been up to some pretty strenuous activity, well, on his honeymoon anyways. He'd been too busy once he got the promotion, and Jake's move into their quarters seemed permanent, at least until they relocated to the Zakar. He and Rene managed to find some privacy in his office a few times. He'd felt obligated to put some effort into those meetings to make up for his lack of attention at home. So if there was a real problem with his back, it would have shown up then, right? He was fine, really.

Another invisible knife dug itself into his shoulder and he gritted his teeth, hunching over as far as his harness would allow.

"Starbuck? It's me, remember? Crius, your wing mate? The guy who would like to make it back alive in one piece? I assumed you had the same mission. It's just us out here, be honest. Do I need to tow you?"

Growling, Starbuck answered, "No, I can fly. It's my back. Guess I'm not as healed as I thought I was. Pretty much in agony over here."

"Frak me. Well, that sucks." The fact that Crius didn't try to crack a joke didn't make it any better. If he couldn't fly, he didn't know what he would do other than go crazy.

"Just too long in the seat, that's all. Not as healed as I thought I was. Guess I should have kept those appointments with the doc." Starbuck reasoned with his wing mate and himself.

"When we get back, I'll make sure you do. Can't have my own personal Captain with command of the furlons resigning on me. You sit tight, I'll take another stroll around the pasture then we'll head for the barn."

He wanted to tell him not to go on his own, but Crius was peeling off before he could change his mind. Starbuck fired up his long range scan despite the fact that if there was something out there, it would have registered it by now. He hoped that whatever was out there would and come out of hiding. Something was there, but was it friend or foe? Starbuck was betting on foe, but sometimes he liked to lose a bet.

The scanner pinged, for just a millicenton. He expanded the range. Nothing. He pulled it back, nothing.

"Cora, can you increase my scanner range?"

"Already have sweetheart, I'd do anything for you, but alas, unlike my love, my range is limited." As Cora issued a fake sigh, Crius's voice chuckled on his comm.

"Rene finds that thing, you are so dead."

"You tell her and you'll join me in that grave. We're chasing ion trails here. We're just going to have to wait until the fleet gets closer or the bogey decides to show itself. Let's assume it's Cylon and head for safety."

"Yes sir," Crius said, turning for home.

Starbuck let the sir slip by as his wing mate did it just to rile him up. That was at least one deal he had kept with his past self, he didn't let anyone call him sir, least of all the Rats. A fool was a man who didn't know his family was his crew, and family shouldn't have to call you sir.

He let Cora do the flying as he truly was in agony by the time he was able to land. It was not one of his best either, each bounce of his treads sending a new form of torture down his spine. With hands that were unresponsive and felt as heavy as bricks, he shut down what was necessary and left the rest for the hangar crew to manage.

Crius must have called ahead to let someone know about the problem. Rene, Jake and Boomer were waiting for him as he popped his canopy. Rene took up a position sitting on the nose of his viper, taking his helmet from him and helping with unbuckling the safety harness. He tried looking anywhere but up to her, "What brings you here, beautiful? Did you miss me?"

He met her gaze with his mega volt smile. It didn't fool her as she looked deeply into his eyes, nodding as she scanned the truth in them as he tried to lie, "I'm fine. Back just hurts, that's all. Just too long in one position."

She nodded and sighed dramatically. "I knew you'd get old on me, but I thought it would take a little longer."

He grimaced, not finding it funny and she let the humor go, lifting her gaze up to the bright lights of the bay before cocking her head and looking at him seriously. "Remember me talking about flying up until I delivered Kalea?"

He nodded, not sure why she was asking other than to rub it in that he at least got to fly and he should stop his whining. "Yeah, I know."

She leaned a little closer. "I think I told you, I didn't do it well. I just did it because I had to. But I did learn a lot, like the fact that you're going to need some help out of that cockpit. Jake knows how to do that better than anyone. He pushes while I pull, and Boomer catches. You let us do the work or you may hurt more than you already do."

"I'm fine, really. I don't need help. I…Frak," he cursed at the indignity as a jolt of pain followed his attempt to sit up straighter. If his squadron could see him, he'd never get their respect again.

Boomer read his mind. "Jenny cleared the landing bay. It's just us. Better than I had it after Apollo's send off. Ready?"

"I'm good here," he answered, meaning it. "I can do this."

But as he tried to haul himself up, searing pain in his shoulders left him gasping and as he felt some muscle in his back tear in half. As he leaned forward in misery, Jake stepped over his head, planting a boot on either side of the cockpit as he placed himself behind Starbuck's hunched body.

"Don't move, I mean it," Jake said as he slid his hands into Starbuck's armpits and hauled him up while Rene pulled at Starbuck's jacket. Somehow, Jake was able to slide underneath him as he pushed him up, getting Starbuck up and over the lip of the cockpit. If it wasn't happening to him, he would have laughed at the scene of Rene and Jake pushing at his astrum as Boomer pulled him forward and he rolled out of the cockpit breathless onto his stomach. Boomer turned him over and Starbuck groaned, not in pain or embarrassment, but in relief to be able to stretch all the way out. Half the pain dissipated just with that one stretch.

"Oh lords of Kobol, I will grant you anything for a heavy pain killer," he mumbled up to the bright lights of the bay.

In his line of sight, Jake dangled a hypo. "Relax. I look out for my brothers."

"Thank the Lords. It's approved, right?" He didn't really care as he felt the slight prick and then the warmth as something eased in his back.

"Does it matter right now?" Jake gave him a cocky grin before he said, "Sir."

"Oh frak," he moaned feeling the tension release in his lower back. He laid there for a few more moments, reveling in the cessation of the ache. He could hear the systems being shut down on his viper, and lifted his head a little to see it was Rene taking care of his craft.

"Think you can get up?" Boomer asked

At the moment, it seemed as impossible as getting the whole squadron in a viper and launched in just under a centon. But Crius coming to join them with his data logs in his hand gave Starbuck the incentive to try. This time he listened to Rene and let them help him up. She was right, they were good at this, as Rene took both his hands pulling him forward while Jake supported his back. By the time they had him upright, he could walk, stiff and slightly bent over, but on his own.

"Life Center Buckaroo," Crius ordered.

Starbuck wasn't sure what to call the look on Rene's face, a glare or a challenge, either one was too close to the look she often gave Jason when he had upset his teachers.

"I outrank all of you. I'll decide what's more important. Lieutenants," Starbuck barked in frustration. "My scanner picked up something. Not sure what but-"

Jake shook his head at him. "You really should go. What I gave you is temporary. It won't solve the problem.

"My problem is out there!" He pointed to the opening of the bay and the space beyond. "My aching back and astrum can wait."

"Say no more," Crius replied as he popped into Starbuck's viper, pulling his data logs.

"Don't make me say 'I told you so'," Rene muttered shaking her head, but she offered a hand, helping him down the steps from his viper. He truly did feel like an old man as he took them slowly, one at a time.

"Why did you let me fly?" he grumbled to her.

She just chuckled. "Because no one tells Captain Gold Clusters what he can do. You find them? Friend or foe?"

He shook his head. "Damned if I know."

"You could always let me have a look. I can do it in about five minutes, in and out."

He terminated that thought with the iciest Captain glare he had. "I think I've heard that before. Oh that's right, Caprica, where I earned this little problem I'm dealing with right now."

Rene physically flinched as if he'd stunned her and he made a note on his list of things to do different as a Captain. "Tone down your remarks. Stick to constructive comments not cutting criticism."

"I'm sorry," he said, but she wouldn't look at him as they headed for the bridge.


	16. Chapter 16

He walked to the bridge when normally he would have sprinted. Well, it was more accurate to say he shuffled, fearful that the pain would strike again. Moving alleviated most of the stiffness. His fingers tingled painfully at first as some feeling returned. Starbuck was fine, really he was. No need to go to the Life Center later. Just sat too long in a cockpit. Easy remedy, he told himself as the spasms in his muscles faded.

Once on the bridge, he declined the seat Boomer suggested he should take, and waited while Gage downloaded the logs. The Colonel pronounced that there was something and Starbuck wasn't just imagining things.

"If it's Cylon, it's old. If it's ours…could be a destroyer, but it has the looks of a resupply ship." Gage checked the possible coordinates for the vessel. Turning to Adama who had come over to investigate, Gage asked, "Has Apollo had any luck finding the logs from the Zakar? I think Dante at least kept track of the locations where we found other Colonial ships."

Adama straightened. "They were wiped clean. We have ascertained when they were cleared several yahrens ago. The time period is close to when Dante's fleet settled the Dilmun sector. We have yet to find any written records or reports. Did you keep any records yourself?" Adama asked.

Gage shook his head. "I tried. When I went to reread my logs, they were deleted. I started keeping a physical log, but that went missing as well. Only the Commander slept alone." At the statement, Gage looked to Rene who had slipped onto the bridge in Starbuck's wake "No one else slept alone," Gage continued. "Personal items turned up missing all the time. The coordinates sound familiar, but often if we found another ship, if it was civilian anyway, we flew past. As for the military vessels, I think we took all those we found, the five or so, but Dante always hinted he had others elsewhere. I just thought he had a cruel sense of humor. Many of the officers from the Zakar claimed there was another fleet of ships in reserve, but in my tenure," Gage shook his head and shrugged, not hiding his frustration, "I just don't know. The logs from the other vessels were wiped as well? Nothing has been found?"

Ruefully, the Commander shook his head. "We have found nothing, and no one has been clear on how often Dante found survivors of the Worlds and the Colonial Fleet. I realize you arrived later when Dante took the Shiva, a few sectars after the destruction. You say he already had several ships?"

Gage nodded. "I detailed that for you in my debriefing."

"Yes," Adama said slowly. "But can you make an educated guess as to how many he may have found before the Shiva?" Adama almost pleaded with the man. Rene held up a spread hand, flashed it twice for the number ten.

"You sure?" Starbuck asked, but she pursed her lips, shaking her head as she looked away.

"Half dozen sir, at the most that I know of, still close to the Colonies or our remote outposts. I was either not on the bridge for most encounters after the addition of the Shiva, or I was removed to my quarters. Sometimes they fled from us before we could get in range and— " Gage hesitated before he straightened and levelled his gaze at the Commander. "You have to understand, sir. We are not keeping information from you, not on purpose. We have told you what we know."

Adama nodded sagely, placing a hand on Gage's shoulder. "I know you have. Thus far, no log has been found. We have put Wilker on the task of tracking down any mentions of contacts, but he claims that the computer systems were corrupted due to battle damage before you reached Dilmun. I find it suspicious that Wilker has found the same corruption on every ship. It seems the man may have had a guilty conscience. If Dante or anyone in his fleet kept a record, he verified it was removed once he found the system of Dilmun. We have been questioning the other Colonels and Captains. Captain Mars claims we may be at a location where there was an encounter with a Colonial ship, but…" Adama hesitated, fixing his gaze on Starbuck for a moment before shifting to Rene, then back to Gage. "He claims it was the Saber and his account does not match the information you and others have given. It seems those of Dante's fleet fear repercussions to my queries."

"Why? You gave them a do over with no reckoning," Starbuck huffed.

Adama turned his attention to Starbuck, a stern glower covering his features. "It was beneficial for all of us at the time as we wedded our forces together. But the honeymoon is over. It seems that despite my best efforts sides are being drawn. With talk of the fleet splitting into different formations, Apollo's crew requests are not the only changes coming across my desk."

Starbuck nodded, getting the hint. He'd shaken things up, as had Apollo, but maybe command needed a good shuffle of the deck every now and then. Besides, as Rene kept reiterating, she'd been drafted. Now that was true of most of their new fleet. Well, not drafted per say but definitely a forced transfer.

The Rats had been clear with Starbuck that some pilots had found life with Dante to be…he couldn't go so far as to say the word "enjoyable". Enviable maybe. Paperwork was streamlined, or not done at all. Promotions had been made, and many who may have taken yahrens to command their own squadrons or ships had been given the opportunity of a lifetime. Lords, he would love it if he could just take a ship and do with it as he pleased with no one to answer to. The difference was that he would use it to keep the civilians safe and slaughter as many Cylons as he could.

He had to concede that since the battle at Cimtar, he was a man with a few yahrens on him to temper his hot-headed ways. Today he definitely felt quite a bit older and wiser. Yes, there was nothing like being hauled out of a viper with an aching back to make you rethink your objectives and remind you that you are not a young hot shot viper jockey anymore.

But a few yahrens before the destruction? He was a far different person. Even he couldn't have predicted what he would have done with his own ship? Probably given everyone furlons and found the first warm planet that had a decent beach, put half the crew on the task of finding fresh fruit to garnish his drinks and kicked back to watch the sunset. Or maybe give all the pilots raises and opened his own chancery in the officer's club, or gone head to head with as many base ships as he could, decimating the Cylons…whatever he decided it would have been adventurous and selfish as well as fantastical. But since the destruction was a reality, it was pointless to ponder. The Cylons limited the options severely, but even the prospect of being able to get revenge on the tin heads would have been more desirable than having to feel like a coward, always running and hiding, keeping the last of humanity safe.

And the paperwork involved in that, oh lords. Yes, he was beginning to understand Dante's people. He didn't condone what they did to each other, but what they did to the enemy, that was enviable.

If he was even contemplating the advantages of a sadistic Commander, then whatever Jake had given him was making his head swim. He was suddenly very tired and just wanted to lay down, not rework the destruction. Perhaps it was the drugs talking, when he blurted out, "Quit asking nicely. Start demanding."

Adama sighed heavily, but before he could speak, Starbuck tried to clarify. "Look, we have the enemy bearing down on us, and if there's another ship out there to help us, then we need it. If it's the enemy, then it needs to be eliminated. It's that simple."

"Lieuten…Captain," Adama corrected himself, "Believe me, it is not that simple."

Rolling his eyes, Starbuck said, "Sure it is. Get them all together in a room, seal them in, and let's work this out, now rather than later. Explain to them that if we don't work together, then we are all going down like vermin on a sinking ship."

Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Rene turning and walking away at his statement. He called out to her, "You know what I meant!

She shook her head at him, lifting a hand as if asking to speak before saying, "Permission to be dismissed? This is above my paygrade Captain. Gage, could you order him to do what he should be doing?"

Gage replied before Starbuck could say more, "Dismissed and I'll see to it."

Laying a hand on Starbuck's shoulder to keep him from following, Gage countered his idea. "Don't think we haven't tried that. You of all people know, everyone looks out for their best interests first."

Growling in frustration, Starbuck stated, "Well another briefing or meeting or memo or whatever isn't going to fix it either! Action will. Let Dante's warriors go chase down the Cylons while we chase down whatever is out there in front of us."

Gage was about to say something when Adama spoke, "That isn't a bad idea."

To the dubious look given him by Gage, Adama continued, "Apollo is onto something. It might be advantageous to split up some of the fleet after mixing our crews. I am placing the Shiva at our rear, sending Tigh out to the edge of scanner range. He can get to us faster if we need, and perhaps keep the enemy away from the civilian ships. If nothing else, it will help to provide an early warning. The Zakar will scout forward and the Cheetah and Sphinx will remain on our flanks, but will be given more room to maneuver. If an attack comes, like you so eloquently stated Captain Starbuck, if we go down, they will be the first to go. We are indeed in this together, but some may need more incentive than others. I am moving over Mars and giving him a promotion to Lt. Colonel here on the Galactica."

Starbuck shuddered. "After my transfer, that's what you meant, right sir?"

Adama shook his head ruefully. "I see some team building might be needed since until your transfer you will report to Lt. Colonel Mars. Also Captain Pallus will be taking your place as Strike Wing. You two will be working together, but yes, I meant after you and Apollo steal Gage away from me. I can't find it in me to break up your family, as dysfunctional as it may be. Speaking of your family, be sure to save me a seat in the OC. I have been told by Lt. Nik that there will be some singing. I made a request of him. I expect it to be honored."

Having immersed himself in duties and drills, Starbuck had forgotten about the party for Cain's upcoming departure from the family to enter pilot training. How had that snuck up on him? He was not really fit for the triad he had promised the kids, not unless Jake had more of that pain killer he could share.

"A request, sir? I'm sure it will be honored."

"See that it is. I will be attending as a family member without judgement and with an open mind. You are dismissed until we can analyze your logs. We'll call you as soon as we know something. The Life Center sent a reminder that you have an appointment."

"Yes sir," both he and Crius said, but Starbuck grumbled to Crius as they came down the dais steps, "You traitor. I was fine. You didn't need to call ahead."

"I'm a Rat. It's what we do, rat people out. Come on, Buckaroo."

Starbuck waited until they were in the corridor before he sagged reaching to rub his lower back. "What is he talking about 'an open mind'? Please tell me I won't regret it. I don't need any more surprises on top of what the enemy has in store for us."

Chuckling, Crius reached out a hand, continuing to propel him down the corridor. "Calm down. He requested a song, from each member of the band, one that 'exemplifies the Rats'. That's how he put it. Nik already warned him it would be loud. Not sure if he mentioned the profanities that might show up in the lyrics."

"Frak me. So if there's an alert, we're not even going to hear it," Starbuck groaned again as he headed for the lift to check into his office and see what he had missed while he was gone. Once in the lift, he asked, "What should I expect?" He reached for the button to the level for the duty office, but Crius's hand shot out and punched another one first.

"Life Center," he explained. "Just looking out for my wing man. Purely selfish, and the squadron could do without another drill today and I need you in prime Triad condition for the upcoming games."

If he could have stood up straighter, he would have given a decent growl, maybe even issued an order to "can it", but he couldn't, so he didn't. He let Crius lead the way. Once in the Life Center he even let Crius help him with his jacket and flight suit, as well as getting up on the exam table. Paye had asked him to lie on his stomach, but as the man reached for needles, Crius's assistance was needed to hold Starbuck in place as a moment of panic made him scramble to get up.

"Ain't nobody going to hurt you, Bucko," Crius had crooned as he held him down.

The voice in Starbuck's head told him to shut his eyes. "You're safe. This is not enemy territory."

He wanted to argue with whoever it was, but Paye interrupted his thoughts as he described what he was doing. "Just placing some contacts near the damaged nerves. It should not be painful, but you will feel a tingling."

Starbuck flinched and cursed at the low pulse of electricity that pricked down his spine, bringing back all kinds of unpleasant memories. He tried to get up, but Crius pressed down harder.

"Hold still," both Paye and Crius intoned. He tried to, he really did. It wasn't painful, just different, but his brain was screaming at him to get up and get away. He swallowed down bile as one of his fingers twitched.

"Totally normal," Paye told him.

The panic rose and he struggled again, but Crius pressed down hard, reciting, "On the Galactica, in the Life Center. All friends here. Not a Cylon in sight. The family is safe. The kids are safe. Rene's safe. You're safe."

Starbuck swallowed hard, trying to choke down the terror. Rene must have told Crius he was having problems, as his wing mate used the same checklist Rene did with him.

"Apollo rescued you and you are back on the Galactica, in one piece, safe and sound. Everyone is here to help you, just breathe. So what's the verdict, Doc? You almost done?" Crius asked for him.

"He overdid it. I expected to see him sooner as he's been running all over this battlestar. He was told to take it easy. I should have been more explicit for how long. He was cleared to fly, but I assumed it would be for short patrols or battle. This may set back his recovery. Pilots just aren't that bright."

"Got promoted," Starbuck grumbled, "Command makes you stupid. Now let me up!"

"Doing my best," Paye said, placing a hypo to his neck. "Muscle relaxant. You are off the flight roster for a few cycles, pending an all-out attack of course. Your reflexes will be slowed, that's all."

"Thanks for that. Just what I needed." Starbuck regretted the sarcasm as the medication began to take affect and the ache receded. He flexed his hands as the feeling returned.

"You're welcome," Paye said sardonically. "You'll thank me in the morning. Come see me if the numbness or pain returns. You don't have to suffer. We actually want you to feel comfortable in the Life Center."

That was never going to happen, not after Caprica. His wing man helped him back up and to get redressed. Despite his misgivings, he did feel better. He was looking forward to moving around, stretching, and a bit of triad with the boys. They would be beating him tonight even if he hadn't planned to let them.

As Crius was easing on his jacket, the door to the Life Center opened, admitting Doctor Salik, followed by a pilot loudly arguing with him.

"I swear to you! I have not taken anything. I was set up or poisoned just like the rest of them! Anybody ever thought of that, huh?!"

Starbuck recognized the man from his Rising Star brawl with Pallus, but he couldn't place a name to the face other than lackey number two, usually hanging out with lackey number one. He looked to Crius for a clue.

"Anteus. We call him Anti because he gripes about everything," Crius said low. "We might want to get out of here."

"Where's his friend?" His own question reminded Starbuck that almost everyone originally from Dante's crew on the Zakar travelled in pairs, never alone.

Paye overheard the question. "Is his friend named Varro?"

"Yeah, he is," Crius replied.

The doctor looked across the life center over to a private room. Through the glass, Starbuck spied the man.

"What happened?"

"Doctor patient confidentiality," Paye intoned, before lowering his voice, "but I'm sure it will be mentioned at tomorrow's morning briefing. Let me just say, don't be tempted to take any other medications that I haven't prescribed for the pain, understood? Mixing medications is unadvised, and can be near fatal at high doses."

"Overdose?" Starbuck asked, as Paye nodded.

"You'll find it in your morning memo. Stick to what's prescribed. See me, not anyone else if you need something for the pain."

"What about ambrosia?" Starbuck asked remembering the party planned that night and the numerous morning briefings he'd already had to deal with as more warriors were scanned for illicit substances, and coming up positive. He'd had to handle the revoking of furlons, sometimes some pay depending on the level they'd found in the pilot's system, and assigning mandatory drug therapy sessions and modules. He hadn't had to strip someone of rank, but that was probably coming. He'd hated it, every time, and it really didn't help that almost everyone claimed they hadn't done anything, that they'd been framed and poisoned, but bio monitors didn't lie. Lords he needed a drink.

He stifled the groan when Paye shook his head. "Not a good idea. It won't kill you to be sober."

"It might," he said as Anteus flashed him a look that could kill. Frak, he thought, I'm going to have to deal with that tomorrow. More fraking paperwork. Why couldn't the guys just get the idea, this wasn't Dante's fleet.

The only good thing that had come out of Adama's orders for drug testing is that the Copper Squadron had laid off everything, except ambrosia of course. Even Jake had resisted using the plant vapors he'd harvested and hid away. Starbuck thought for sure the kid would have wanted something to take the edge off of the trial when he had to testify to convict the one guy they blamed for his attack.

Despite Nik and Jake being adamant that there was more than one attacker, Security could find no others and placed all the blame on a civilian maintenance worker from the Celestra who refused to talk. He wouldn't give any other information, not for security, or the tribunal, not for Colonial Command, or for Starbuck when he'd paid him a late night visit in the brig armed with a club.

He wished he could say it was an impulsive decision, but it wasn't. From the moment he'd been rousted from his honeymoon suite, he knew Rene's suspicions were probably fact; this wasn't a random attack nor a mere matter of coincidence. To make matters worse, he began to notice how the Copper Squadron was being treated by the ex-Zakar crewman. At best, they were ignored. If on a detail with someone from Dilmun, the Rats got the worst of the duties. Sometimes strange accidents happened, but only to the member of the family, like when Alex was working with several other crewmen on the Galactica's water purifiers. The support for the equipment failed, plunging Alex and about a hundred kilos of machinery into the fresh water tank. According to his account, Alex had to save himself while the workers originally from Dilmun watched him struggle. Then there was the weapons locker incident involving Max, when a high powered rifle misfired as it was being secured. Luckily, Max knew how to handle weapons and had it pointed down. The blast only grazed his foot and they thought he'd keep most of his toes.

While none of the pilots had reported any harassment or abuse, Starbuck was more aware that his wing mate was shoulder checked often just walking down corridors, and the midnight picket patrols were comprised of mostly Copper warriors.

It was true, the Rats could be dramatic, no doubt about that, but this wasn't fabrications on their part, not when Boomer began to point it out. Something had to be done, and Starbuck knew everyone expected him to be the one fix the problem.


	17. Chapter 17

And then there were Rene's suspicions that started as a low whisper in his thoughts, then turned into a high pitch squeal in his ear. As the cycles passed and they found no other accomplices to the attack on the boys, he couldn't ignore the injustice of the situation that blared like a klaxon. Jake was a different person since the attack, quieter and always on the defensive. The kid was losing what little trust he'd begun to have for the Galactica crewman. He kept to himself, growing quieter by the day while Rene voiced her concerns loudly that Security wasn't even trying to solve this.

If fleet security couldn't get the guy to talk, maybe Starbuck could. Pain often loosened tongues and if nothing else, Starbuck reasoned, he could get a little bit of revenge for his new brother. All he had to do was break in to the brig. He had broken out of it, so getting in shouldn't be difficult.

The hard part was not telling Rene and having her along. He just couldn't risk it. With her rage, she was unpredictable. He knew she wasn't above terminating a stunned man in the face, so he made a command decision that he might regret later and thought it was best she not know what he was up to. He had a thousand justifications for not telling her, not the least of which is that he kept lecturing her that she needed to trust in the system, when he obviously didn't. He couldn't exactly tell her to do the right thing, when he knew what he was doing was wrong, but dammit, he couldn't just sit back and watch the idiots in security screw this up. His word was his bond. He had promised life would be different in the fleet, better, and by the Lords, he'd make it so.

Breaking in to the brig alone seemed too chancy, so he recruited Max for the job. He was one of the more stable Rats, but still had a healthy disregard for rules and regulations. Max offered to do the job on his own reasoning that if he was caught, he could be busted in rank and it wouldn't bother him. But Starbuck wanted to face the man and send the message, no one messed with his family, no one. This was personal. Apollo had been his role model for how to approach any mission. If you wanted it done right, you did it yourself.

Well, it's not like he wasn't going to bring some help with him. One of the perks of his promotion had been gaining access codes to all kinds of compartments, including the weapons lockers. He found a whole section just for crowd control. It was very tempting to liberate the suppression gas for use on the pilots for when they were extra whiny, but he resisted. He did find a nice club, one that would sting like a swarm of bees, and some brass knuckles that might help him encourage the man to talk. He would get one shot at this, and he'd be risking it all, but he owed it to Jake. Its what brothers did.

Time was short, as Starbuck had learned first-hand when he had his own tribunal. Justice in the Colonies had always been swift, but since the destruction, they had gone by martial law, which besides the vipers was the only things swift about the service. He had one night to get this done.

No problem, he told himself. It's not like the guards in the brig were bright. Max easily distracted them claiming to be doing maintenance in the area, and coming by with a gift of some extra java and pastries. He got them chatting while they drank down the drinks laced with sleep aids. Starbuck slipped in a centaur later to find the two men kicked back in chairs snoring away. Max had already lifted the key to the cell. Pickpocketing was another one of the rats' many skills they had taught each other.

Starbuck had a moment's hesitation as he looked in on the man sleeping in the cell. Once he keyed that lock, he was technically committing his own crime. The he remembered back to the night before his own tribunal for a crime he hadn't committed. Sleeping had been impossible. Instead he had spent the night pacing the small compartment, escaping to launch to Lord's knew where, arguing with Apollo, threatening to shoot his oldest friend, and then back to the cell where worry kept him awake until it was time to face the court.

If this man could sleep, it was only because he thought he was going to go free in the morning and get away with what they had done. The rage roared inside him, and Starbuck nearly punched the key into the lock.

The man woke in surprise as the door slid open, and Starbuck stepped in, letting the door close behind him. Starbuck hadn't really planned beyond this point, only that he was going to confront the man and demand he talk, but now that he was here, Starbuck realized the man could simply yell for help, and it would be up to Max to stun the guards and block the door, and then what?

"Frak," Starbuck thought as he ground his teeth against uttering the curse out loud, as Zethus slowly got to his feet. The surprised look on the man's face was gone, replaced by suspicion.

Starbuck slapped the club in his palm a few times waiting for the man to ask him who he was, why he was here. Zethus said nothing.

"You messed with the wrong warriors. Now you're going to tell me who else was with you and who had you do it." As the man let out a sigh and looked down, Starbuck took his first shot, hoping it would be the only one he'd need to take. He swung the club and it connected with the man's shoulder. Zethus hunched over, groaning before mumbling, "Please just make it quick."

"It will be if you just tell me who else was with you? Who put you up to this?"

The man shook his head as he said softly, "You don't scare me."

Growling, Starbuck swung taking another crack in the same spot. The club he had liberated was heavy, but a little flexible. It would leave more damage than it did marks, and Starbuck felt the satisfaction of having hurt the man as the Zethus bit back a howl of pain, turning it into a groan.

The sound was all too familiar to Starbuck, and it brought back the image of Jake being dragged off that shuttle by a bruised and battered Nik. Those kids had lost their fight, and they were not defenceless. He'd played Triad with them and in comparison, Ortega's playing was just love taps. Jake utilized every dirty trick in the book, and if cornered, Starbuck knew he would have whipped out all his teeth and claws. Then there was the fact that this man hadn't just beaten him, he'd humiliated him.

Starbuck took another swing before snarling, "Who else was with you? Name them!"

The man straightened slowly, meeting Starbuck's gaze, before speaking softly, "I was alone. I did it. No one else."

Without hesitation, Starbuck swung the club again. The hit felt good, and he gave the man another one as he began to picture how the attack on Jake must have played out. Starbuck knew all too well how many it took to subdue a man if he chose to fight back. In the dark corners of an orphanage it took at least three of the older boys to pin him down, and still he'd been able to inflict his own wounds back on them. In a locker room of the sports facility when he was in secondary, it had taken six, and one was a teacher. Hazing, that's what the incident was put down as, and didn't really count as an attack as he still wanted on the Triad team. He got his revenge on the courts during practice as one teammate after another earned vicious body checks into the court wall.

In a dark alley of Caprica when he was at the Academy, it had taken four, well five if you counted their lookout. It had taken sectons for his broken arm to heal, but it was a small price to pay to keep his cubits and his dignity. If Apollo hadn't come looking for him, he might have lost his life.

Over time, one learned to avoid the dark corners of the world. Jake's sense of survival was even higher than Starbuck's. He wouldn't have been waiting outside of the docking lounge as security claimed he and Nik were doing. No, Zethus and his goons had to drag the kid to a dark corner and then hold him down. It took time to get clothes off someone who was fighting he'd learned from just trying to get the toddlers dressed. Yes, Jake was scrawny, but so had been Starbuck and he'd always said that what he lacked in weight he made up for in speed.

It had taken more than four, possibly eight. That's how many it had taken when Starbuck had gone to that party he'd been invited to by a girl from another secondary school. When he'd shown up, most of the rival Triad team was there, and he came alone not wanting competition for the gal he had his eye on. It had been a mistake. The guys had waited until he and the gal had wandered into a dark corner of the party. All eight of them had descended, dragged him into the front yard and pummelled him into unconsciousness, then woke him up to do it again. He wished he could say that he had finally fought his way out of the situation, but he didn't often lie to himself. He'd lost and the only thing that probably saved him was the gal he'd come for felt guilty for luring him there. She was able to talk the boys back into the party. As he tried to stand and limp away, he thought she might come check on him, maybe call security or at the very least a cab. He never saw the girl again. He left a trail of blood and vomit on his long walk back home.

Seven or eight, that's how many names this man owed him. He hit him again and again until Zethus dropped to the deck, his defiance just one more blow in a long list that had been racing through Starbuck's mind since he'd stepped into the cell.

"How many? Give me names!"

Zethus moaned before he said softly again, "Just me. I was alone."

"That is a pile of mong! Just tell me." Looming over him menacingly, Starbuck snarled, "Everyone knows you're lying, so who are you protecting?"

The man shook his head slowly. "No one. I work alone."

In anger, Starbuck hit the man again as hard as he could. The man grunted in pain and Starbuck pulled back for another blow, but the man didn't fight back, just raised an arm to block the blow as he looked up to him, fear in his eyes as he mumbled, "Don't kill me, please. You don't want that. I didn't kill them, I could have, they wanted me to, but I didn't."

Starbuck hesitated. Hades, he wanted this man to pay for every humiliation suffered by any outnumbered and persecuted guy who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, but the man was right. He could have killed Jake, and the kid's physical wounds were healing. It was what was done to his psyche that had him more worried. It was just one more abuse added to a long list of harm done. But justice might go a long way in easing that pain, or maybe it was his own pain that Starbuck was thinking of.

Starbuck hit the man again, but it wasn't with the same force as before. As the club connected with the man's arm, he grunted and raised both hands in an attempt to protect himself. The man began to talk, only it wasn't what Starbuck wanted to hear.

"Look, you want your revenge, I understand, but I can't give you any names. If I do I'm dead. You can beat me, rape me even, just please don't kill me. It's not what you want."

"How do you know what I want?!" Starbuck snarled as the man winced, cringing in fear. Cursing, Starbuck lowered his arm, considering his own words. "I want him to hurt and I want him to tell me what he knows," he thought in response, wondering if he spoke the words aloud as the man looked at him in confusion from where he was curled up on the floor awaiting his punishment. By the Lords, Starbuck could do it. He could kill this man and maybe even get away with it. Shaking his head, he remembered Rene coldly and casually shooting two unconscious men in the face. He understood why she had done it, but the image had haunted him. He knew from her dreams, it haunted her. Neither of them could deny, it hadn't been right. She had become what even she hated, the very picture of the man she was trying to escape, Dante.

Standing over an unarmed man cowering on the floor at his feet, was Starbuck any different now? He was armed, not just with the club. He could so easily terminate this man, but he'd sworn an oath long ago to protect humanity, even those who like himself had been judged unworthy of saving.

A termination wasn't what he wanted. If he wanted revenge for what was done to Jake and Nik, it was mission accomplished. Only when he stood back and analysed it, he realized that he had nothing that he actually came here for. Initially, there had been some gratification, but now he only felt repulsed by his actions. Worse, having achieved nothing but terrorizing this man, he would likely face the consequences for assaulting this man who was supposedly under the protection of Colonial Law. He swallowed down bile at the image of Rene alone with the child in her arms, looking at him through the security glass of the cell.

"I'm not going to kill you," he said hoarsely, "You're going to rot on the prison barge, but if you tell me who put you up to this, your sentence could be lighter. I can make your time easier on the prison barge if you tell me something. Just give me a name."

The man shook his head slowly mumbling, "I can't."

"Sure you can," Starbuck said. "I just want a few names. And if you won't tell me, you can tell the judges who put you up to it, make a deal with the court. You might even walk free tomorrow while those who are really behind this finish their miserable lives on the prison barge. Now talk!" Starbuck swung the club again, trying to find some satisfaction, but the wave of anger had receded, replaced by self-disgust and recriminations.

It took a few more moments before the man looked up at him. It wasn't fear in his eyes, it was resignation. He shook his head, mumbling, "They'll kill her," before he curled back up into a ball.

The words froze him like a sudden wind on Death Point Plateau, Arcta. The man was protecting someone alright, only it wasn't his friends or Dante's daggits. It was someone he loved, someone he would die for.

Swiftly the deck under his boots shifted, and he was there in the too white cell, trying to get to his feet, crawling towards the door while the centurions dragged his wife from the room as pain lanced through every nerve of his body. What he would have given to save her was even more than his life. He remembered back to what he had offered up to the Lords as he dug her out of the dirt, trying to breathe life into her, and the blessed relief when she came to.

"Frak," he muttered as he reached up to wipe the sweat from his eyes. The man would never talk, not if he thought she was still in danger. He'd take a beating, maybe even die. Starbuck would have. He still would. He was pulling every string he could with his position to see what he could do to keep Rene safe. He had no intentions of taking the Zakar to fight the enemy. He was planning on having her take them to Earth, or any number of other worlds that were free from the Cylons, to leave her there safe while he went back to decimate the enemy.

"Who is she? Give me her name. I can get her over to the Galactica and safety, just give me some names of your accomplices, her name, anything!"

But the man remained mute on the floor. Starbuck raised the club again, then let it fall to the floor. In frustration, Starbuck stood over the man, unsure what he should do next. This wasn't getting him what he wanted, no matter how good it felt to exact revenge.

"Starbuck! Come on, I can't keep the vids off for much longer!" Max hissed at him from the other side of the cell door.

Grumbling in dissatisfaction, with himself and with the boray at his feet, he tried one more time.

"Zethus, look, these guys almost killed my brother. They're obviously threatening someone you care about. If you keep quiet, then you're protecting them as much as you believe you're protecting her, whoever she is. Is that the man you want to be? A protector of tyrants? I realize I haven't exactly given you reason to trust me, but I'm just like you, trying to protect the people I love. If we walk our own paths on this, they're going to win. If we come together, we can beat them and prevent them from persecuting others."

Looking like he was about to speak, the man opened his mouth to speak, but then shook his head as he mumbled, "They outnumber us. They always will."

"We could even those odds, we could…"

"Starbuck, give it up, unless you want to rot with him on the prison barge!" Max hissed keying the door and dragging him from the room. He didn't resist, his mind swirling with the implications of the man's words, echoing Boomer's assessment of the fleet, as well as Gage's voiced concerns that no one had ever clarified what Dante had been up to, including what deal he had made with the enemy. Instead of finding answers, Starbuck had opened up a Pandora's box of problems.

There were no solutions to be found in that cell and he let Max lead him away as stunned, he scrambled to find some solution other than leaving the fleet behind.

No, he didn't get what he wanted that night as the thrill of revenge faded quickly, followed by a sense of shame the next morning. It should have faded with the knowledge that he'd gotten away with it, but it didn't. Nothing had changed, yet everything had changed.

The man stayed silent, barely speaking at his tribunal the next day. He didn't even mention where the fresh bruises had come from when he was asked by his protector and the judges. He stayed silent as to who were his accomplices, only uttering softly that he acted alone. Jake didn't have much to offer in testimony unless you counted a pissed off glare at the whole proceedings. Zethus only got a few months just because of the genetic markers found on Jake. He was acquitted of the robbery.

Rene had been too stunned to say anything when the verdict was read, but her eyes said enough as she looked at Starbuck accusingly and ground her teeth. The system had let her down again and there was nothing he could say to her because he felt the same way.

It didn't take long for the shock to wear off, and Rene had been angrier than Jake, justifying Starbuck's decision not to bring her to his private interrogation of the man. The kid, well, Jake didn't look like a kid that day. He looked so damn old, resigned to never getting a fair shake in life. Starbuck was glad that he'd had Jake staying with them in their quarters so he could keep an eye on him, because as Rene railed and ranted about the unfairness of it, Jake just sank into a stupor. Nik disappeared into his quarters and wasn't seen for a few cycles, although Dara said he was okay.

But even with all that, Jake and Rene had stayed clean. Not sober, no, that was hard to do in their quarters. Nightmares were a nightly occurrence now for at least one of them a night, if not all three. It was true that Rene slept a lot more than she'd ever had. Her duties kept her busy and the baby she was carrying began to sap her energy. Her nightmares were fewer and easier to soothe away than before Caprica.

But his and Jake's night terrors had gotten worse. But the two had come to an unwritten pact between them that they would help each other as quietly as they could without waking Rene. Ambrosia was the silent solution, and Starbuck didn't ask who kept refilling the bottle in the kitchen.

Jake would let him know if the doc was giving him the real truth on the ambrosia and pain killers. He was pretty sure the kid would be honest with him about anything right now. They'd shared a lot in the last few sectons. Those nightly conversations, plus watching Jake stepping up in his involvement with his kids had softened Starbuck's idea that he should stay behind on the Galactica when they made the move in a few cycles to the Zakar. Jake was good with the kids, still a bit distant. Although with Starbuck's encouragement, he was spending more time at home than on the Eaglebash. They needed him on the Zakar. Rene would want her friend when they settled somewhere safe from the Cylons.

As Starbuck tried to block out just how bright and white the Life Center was, he knew he'd need more than a drink or two if he was getting any sleep tonight. He appreciated the cloth Giselle threw over the needles, not realizing he'd been staring at them until they were covered.

"You alright, Bucko?" Crius asked, putting a hand on the back of his neck, the Rat move to sense how tense someone was. Starbuck shook it off and took a slow steady step towards the door.

"Yeah, I'm good. Why wouldn't I be? Are we late for Triad?"

"They may have started without us, so you might want to sit it out. We can watch though," Crius said following Starbuck out of the Life Center and to the courts on the Galactica for the squadrons.

Unlike on the Rising Star, the gallery to watch the games on the Galactica was just a walk way, no seats. He thought he would find Rene there, but it was just Lizbet with all the kids. The younger ones were chasing triad balls that Kiff was tossing for them. Crius greeted his wife with a hug, and Starbuck looked around for Rene, horrified to find she had suited up for Triad, her growing belly pronounced in the uniform.

"She's going to get hurt doing that," he said, turning to go down and get her, but Crius reached out a hand for him.

"The exercise is good for her. She's fine, in fact, I think she's beating them," he said as Rene lined up another long shot, dodging Jason's grip as she launched the ball that sailed effortlessly into the goal.

"They're going easy on her aren't they?" Starbuck asked Lizbet.

"Actually, they're playing by the 'no tackling' rules the IFB are suggesting for the upcoming tournament. Seems someone finally figured out that pilots are playing Triad, and if they get hurt, they can't fly. I think it was Barton's concussion that did it, or was it Greenbean's elbow to Moore's eye, not that he didn't have it coming," Lizbet explained. Starbuck remembered Greenbean's hit had popped Moore's eyeball out of its socket, a gruesome shot for live audiences during an evening broadcast, but otherwise not a scarring injury. There was some talk about the games being too violent for children to watch. Starbuck had stated that the no tackling rules were an insult to the tradition of triad. Now he might have to take those words back as Rene, with Lara as her teammate, showed the boys that Triad wasn't just about bashing into people, you had to be able to make a shot or a block. The game required thinking and strategy. He watched as the teens were becoming frustrated as the gals racked up another goal.

"Nik and Jake are suiting up," Lizbet offered. "Jolly, Giles, Max and Boomer are just now coming off a detail someone assigned them." Lizbet rubbed it in once again that Starbuck was in charge and making everyone's life miserable.

"Yeah yeah, comes with the promotion. Someone has to do the job," he replied. "I don't hear anyone complaining about the extra pay I'm bringing in. Okay Crius, let's go show them how it's really done," Starbuck said elbowing his wing mate.

"You sure about that, I mean, you just…"

Starbuck didn't let him finish the question, heading for the locker room and quickly suiting up. When he came out on the court, everyone cheered and it was better than the roaring crowd on the Rising Star. Rene gave him a hug, but her smile was still tinged with concern for him.

"I'm fine," he answered her unspoken question. "Get off the court. We're going to play rough. You and I can play rough later."

"Challenge accepted," she said, tossing him the ball.

The Triad had been a mistake too, but his bruises and aches were worth it for the comradery. The boys beat him and Crius only because he was injured. That was his story and he was sticking to it. He enjoyed the glow on Cain's face at the victory. The glow increased as the evening went on. After dinner, they had presented Cain with a flight jacket patch Lizbet had sewn of an angry rat chewing on a raider. Rene had given him a copy of a different holo than Starbuck's, one of the whole family that even included Apollo, Sheba and Adama in the shot that was taken at some point during the reception when they were all more relaxed, he and Rene front and center of the group.

"Home is where you make it," Rene said to him as she presented it and even Starbuck found himself tearing up a little.

He broke the mood reminding them, "He's just going to be down the corridor. Once he's a full-fledged ensign, we'll add him to the squadron. You're all acting like he's dying or something. Come on, I have everyone waiting in the OC. You made a promise to the Commander, but you need to make one to me. Please for the Love of Sagan, keep the fraks to a minimum, can you do that?"

"No fraking way," Jason said grinning, easily ducking as Starbuck took a swipe at him.

To Starbuck's surprise, Dara stayed behind to watch the kids rather than wanting to hear the band.

"I can order someone to take over. I think Blue Squadron could use the exercise chasing these terrors," Starbuck offered, but Dara declined.

As the rest started to gather up instruments, Starbuck tried again. He had never quite figured out how Dara had wound up married to Nik, and Rene had always avoided questions about it, just saying that Nik and Dara had a lot in common. He didn't see it. What he saw was that Dara let Nik get away with murder, and covered for him when she probably shouldn't. The only thing Starbuck thought Dara got out of the relationship was that Nik loved his kids, a little too much. He spoiled them rotten, letting them have mushies for breakfast, and sleep clothes as school uniforms. Dara never had to change a nappy, or worry about who was getting the kids ready for bed. Any trouble Nik got into was well after bath and story time.

While the others were packing up, Starbuck leaned close to Dara. "I'm serious. I can get someone to watch the kids for a few centaurs. You should come."

She shook her head before she whispered, "It's okay Bucko. The music is his past. I don't like to see his past. Together, we focus on a future."

The answer was as cryptic as their relationship, but Rene caught his eye and flashed at him to let it go. As they headed to the OC, he asked his wife what was going on.

"The Commander made a request, and," Rene shrugged, "things may get deep tonight. Dara doesn't want to see that. You might get a different Nik if we can get him from behind the drums."

"Kind of like how I get a different Rene when you sing?" he asked.

Rene's steps slowed at the question before she met his gaze with stormy eyes. "He…m...m…made a re…request," she stammered. "I can't say n…no."

"You haven't had a problem saying it before," he quipped as her eyes grew darker.

"Maybe I don't want to say no. He…he has a point. We…Me…I haven't let many see the real me. I mean, I'm not even sure anymore who that is. And unless I can talk you into letting me take the Zakar to Earth, well, I'm going to be here a while."

The words troubled him. Had she been thinking of leaving? With what she could do, it was a possibility.

"You'd leave me? I thought we agreed to do this together."

She looked away. It troubled him and he found himself apologizing, "I've been busy I know, with the enemy and…I'll be home more, I promise, and soon we'll be on the Zakar and we can take the trip together."

"Starbuck," she sighed. "I'm not going anywhere without you. I just hadn't planned on taking the whole fleet with us I guess, and," she shrugged before rolling her eyes. "Everyone is growing on me. I don't want to leave them behind."

"Huh," he said a little shocked at how his innocent question had opened up a much deeper topic. "Starting to like it here? See, I knew I could win you over." He winked at her, not wanting to dive into the deep end of Rene's emotions, not tonight. He wanted to keep it light. He wanted a good evening with a happy ending.

"Maybe," she said with a slight smile tugging at her lips. "I was thinking of bringing a few more kids over from the Orphan Ship. That okay with you?"

His eyes went wide. She hadn't asked before. He'd been surprised and annoyed at first with the addition of Cain. The kid had turned out to be good for everyone and Starbuck regretted the doubts he'd had at first. Plus, this time she was asking, no more importantly, including him in the decision.

"Yeah, we can talk about that. We have room on the Zakar. You'll have more time once the baby is born, and I wouldn't turn down some extra hands to change diapers and corral toddlers. Yeah, we could do that."

Rene nodded. "Apollo is coming tonight I think. I asked him."

Starbuck blinked. That was even more surprising than Rene granting a request of the Commander's. "Thanks," he said, feeling his heart warm at the gesture. He found himself apologizing again, and cursed himself as to why he couldn't just enjoy the fact that Rene was looking out for him. "I'm sorry I've been so busy. It will get better, I promise."

"I know," she said as she shifted a guitar case.

He reached to take it from her, resisting the urge to lecture her again about lifting too much. "Are you singing tonight?" She nodded and he couldn't help asking, "Is it going to be like last time?"

Rene chuckled as she raised an eyebrow. "Only if it gets me the same adulation I got last time."

Raising his own brow back, he remembered back to that night and her apology song in the OC. Later in their quarters, Starbuck felt for the first time that maybe Rene was more worldly than he was. The balance in their relationship had definitely shifted with that one song and the new facets to her personality that she allowed him to see.

"I've been amazed by you from the moment I couldn't shake you from my tail," he winked. "You don't have to sing for me to worship you."

"Oh, is that so?" she bantered back. "Well, maybe I'll sing just one for you. I had planned on a couple. Nik's going to sing a couple too."

"Oh, that should be…interesting," and he meant it. The few times he'd seen them play, Rene had let Jake do most of the singing. Nik stuck to his drums, adding his voice only as a background. "Anything with a more upbeat tempo?" He teased as they both knew he found their music more raucous than what was popular on the Rising Star. He liked it, but it was unruly and loud.

"Of course," she winked at him. "I brought earplugs for the old man."

He grimaced at the moniker for the Commander. "That was uncharacteristically kind of you. And will that concern extend to limiting your descriptive language?"

"You know, you worry too much. You are not our Strike Wing Captain tonight. You are just Starbuck, got that?"

"And the Commander? He's just Adama now, is that it?" He narrowed his eyes, waiting for her acknowledgement that she'd either accepted Adama as part of the family, or she hadn't yet.

Rene's nose crinkled, while she squinted her eyes, but the smile was still genuine. "He said I was in charge tonight of the Officer's Club. That makes me Commander and he's just…I can't call him Adama, so he's either 'grandpa' or 'old man'. I thought 'old man' at least showed some respect."

"Old man it is. You're in charge. So what kind of salute do we give in the OC? In the past it was raising a drink, but it's you, so rude hand gestures?" he said, enjoying the grin on her features as she flipped him one playfully, a common hand sign given on the flight deck. He laughed at it. She was finally settling into the Galactica and he almost reconsidered their move. Almost.


	18. Chapter 18

The Officer's Club was already full as word had spread that it was open to all this evening, not just officers, and there would be live music. Starbuck had to wade through a crowd to the front of the makeshift stage, then ask some people to move so he had a spot for the Commander and the rest of the group. He thought Jason and Cain would be joining them at the table, but the boys had grown uncharacteristically shy and hovered around the rest of the Rats helping them set up instruments. Starbuck went to check on the progress, but he didn't know much about musical instruments, and he ended up just pulling Jake aside to ask if the doc was right and he shouldn't drink. Lords, he needed one.

Surprisingly, Jake asked more than a few questions about things Starbuck couldn't answer like dosage and strength of the medication, as well as time administered, all the while the kid took a good hard look at Starbuck's eyes.

"I'm good. Stop being a medic for two milicentons and be a brother, would ya?" Starbuck groused.

"Okay, since I don't know what they gave you and I know what I did, you can have as many drinks as you buy for me, or Rene." Jake grinned evilly.

Growling, Starbuck reminded Jake once again, "You know she shouldn't have any," before he turned and stalked over to the bar, ordering fruit juice for all of them. He'd sneak the harder stuff in later and it wouldn't kill Jake to stay sober.

The band started playing before he got back to the table where he found Cain and Jason had come over along with Boomer. Looking over the packed club, Starbuck located Giles and Maia over in a corner, snuggled together like two lovebirds. He waved indicating there was room for them, but Giles declined with a lecherous grin at Maia. Sitting by the Commander might not be the best seat in the house for what those two had been up to ever since the engagement. They were waiting for the move to the Zakar to make it official and get their own quarters. It would be nice not to run across them everywhere doing things the kids shouldn't be seeing.

The band launched into some upbeat tunes in the ancient Caprican jig tradition. He knew the first one, but the next was unfamiliar. Listening to the words, he thought he should have known it since it was about becoming a ward of the state. Interesting choice for the crowd, but a common theme for the Rats. The song was cut short as Rene called out that the Commander was on deck. Once again Adama waved everyone back to their seats, taking his own before holding up a finger to admonish Rene.

"I was very clear. No rank here."

"And we all know, I don't listen very well, sir," she answered grinning.

In envy, Starbuck nodded to the Commander, admitting that the man had a lot to teach him when it came to leadership. Adama had found a way to compel Rene to show some respect by using reverse psychology. Why hadn't Starbuck thought of that? Oh right, maybe because if he challenged Rene to be disrespectful to Command, she might have just shown him how far she could take that disrespect. No, only the Commander could pull off this con.

"And my request?" Adama asked as he took his seat, gesturing Apollo to take the one closest to Starbuck who had missed his friend's arrival. "I have heard the talk about your original songs. Are we to hear some tonight?"

Rene nodded to Jake before looking to Starbuck. Was she asking for permission? If she was asking for his approval, that didn't bode well for the crowd around him, mostly Galactica Warriors. He nearly shook his head no, but found himself nodding. Most of the pilots would love the raw sound they produced and the thumping bass. In truth, he was more worried about the Commander. Starbuck had learned in these last sectares with the Rats, you had to be careful what you asked for because you just might get it. The mischievous grin on Rene's face had him holding up a hand, giving her the combat sign to go slow.

"Yes sir, per your request, here we go. It's not songs you would usually hear on the Rising Star, so if anyone wants to leave, we won't take it personal," she said as Jake dramatically pulled earplugs from his jacket pocket and placed them before the commander before picking up his guitar and beginning.

The synthesized chimes that began the first song sounded vaguely familiar. One of the members of the family was playing some music almost every night in the Council chambers, but this was an odd combination he hadn't heard. Once Jake began the lyrics, he really didn't know the song. While Jake had been recovering from the concussion he'd received in his attack, he'd been plucking away at his guitar often in their quarters and Starbuck had become pretty familiar with some of the new songs, but this was one he hadn't heard. Once Jake began the lyrics, he wondered when the kid had secretly composed the piece? When the man wasn't in the Life Center, he was hanging around the duty office with the boys or lounging on Starbuck's couch with the kids. Since the tribunal, Jake was rarely left alone.

"I forget how good they are." Apollo startled him by leaning towards him to be heard, his voice a low whisper in Starbuck's ear.

"Yeah, they are," he answered impressed that the first song they had chosen was something a little slower. Watching Jake sing helped to ease his mind a little. The kid was beginning to shake off his dark mood after the attack. On their makeshift stage, he even looked happy as he sang the next song, something a little slower, talking about second chances, surprisingly without a single curse word. Starbuck wanted to let concern for the kid completely go, but the song was full of suicidal ideation, something about being blown up by solenite. Sighing, Starbuck realized he was going to have to do something about that. He'd need to at least a good talk with Dr. Dixon or Salik, but then shook his head. Jake would be pissed if Starbuck did that. He'd just have to keep a closer eye on him, maybe shift him back to the squadron. Jake could work on being a medic another time, Starbuck thought, or maybe have the kid resign. Jake never looked relaxed unless he was playing music. Starbuck hadn't flown with him much, and while no one complained about his abilities in a viper, they sure did have a lot to say about Jake's attitude.

While trying to puzzle out what exactly he should do with Jake, Nik did indeed come out from behind the drums. His song was more like a spoken poem with some guitars along for the ride. The chorus didn't make much sense to Starbuck, something about always being on your backfoot, slang that he thought meant Nik always felt left behind. Surprisingly, it also was the first song to throw in a bit of profanity, but the real shock was it was only two bad words, something about all the female daggits being jealous, and he was going to do whatever the frak he wanted. It went with the song and the Commander didn't even flinch.

The biggest shock though was the change in Nik as he shed the guise of his nickname of the Phantom, and for once seemed animated. Added to the awe was the fact that the lyrics spoke about Nik having a mother. In theory, Starbuck knew the Rats all had parents at some point, but he hadn't realized that Nik didn't lose his until the destruction. If the song was accurate, then it left Starbuck wondering why the young man was on the streets with Rene and Jake? The song didn't provide any answers, so he added it to his mental checklist of tasks dealing with the family.

When Nik's song ended, Jake announced to the crowd that Rene did most of the songwriting leaving Starbuck marveling, "When had she found the time to do that between her duties and taking care of the kids?" He felt the guilt creep in. "I've been pretty wrapped up in my new job. I should delegate some of it. Boomer's more than willing. I don't have to prove I can do it all." He looked towards his friend who casting a knowing half grin Starbuck's way.

When Rene passed off her guitar to Jolly, the room hushed and Starbuck realized that word must have spread about her last performance. That song had left an impression on those who were there that night. In many ways it had helped Rene amend some of the feathers she had ruffled with her surly attitude when she first arrived on the Galactica. Starbuck felt his heart swell with pride at how good she looked up in front of the crowd. In civilian clothes, she glowed like they always said women with a child did, but it was more than that. Confidence radiated from her now compared to when she first came on the Galactica. Added to it was her hair that was getting longer and still glowed with the kiss of the sun.

The crowd looked to her expectantly, and she didn't disappoint. This song was very different, slower, less electric guitars, the drums toned down. Instead she filled the room with her voice. He knew she could sing, but like her last performance, she proved he knew very little about her or her ability. She took her voice high to low, loud to soft, with lyrics that sucked the air from the room. Starbuck gasped as in front of a whole room of people who were mostly strangers to her, she became vulnerable with her brutal honesty. The emotion of the song was visceral.

"I don't know where to turn. Everywhere I look these vultures burn the life right outta me. Do I run, or lay down and die? Is it time to close my eyes?"

She wouldn't meet his eyes. The honesty was raw as she sang, exposing her thoughts on whether she should live or take her own life. Starbuck reorganized his to do list for the morning, moving "Talk to the Doctors" to the top.

Rene kept her eyes up to the ceiling for most of the song, only meeting his and Adama's for a few of the lines, adding more emphasis when she did look at the audience as she sang, "Keep me numb, follow direction. A pawn to pass around and be bled until I'm dry."

The line that kicked him in the gut so hard it took his breath away was when she finally locked eyes on him, her voice rising in volume as she proclaimed that her hold on life wasn't what it used to be. "I'm older, I'm bitter, I'm jaded, I'm lost. Can someone just give me a sign?"

Following the blow was a sharp stab of jealousy. He didn't think the words were meant for him. It was like she was trying to summon Sagan himself, and Starbuck knew she could actually do it, or at least summon Iblis.

Had she already? The shiver traveled down Starbuck's spine. It might explain his own actions of late, abusing the power of his new position to try to beat answers out of a man. He shook his head ruefully feeling bruise to his honor(-awkward) of that moment. He thought it would get better since he'd gotten away with it, but he felt the disgrace down to his toes. He'd worked harder than anyone he commanded in an effort to make up for it, but it left him less time to spend with Rene and he missed her.

As the song ended with the words, "or is it time to close my eyes," he wanted to go to her, to enfold her in his arms. The desire to protect her, even from herself was as strong as the need to take the breath he'd been holding.

He started to rise from his chair, but Apollo pulled him back down, speaking in his ear again, "How does she do that? Fill the room like that?" His friend smiled at him as he continued, "She is really good. You are a lucky guy!"

Starbuck shook his head, not understanding why Apollo couldn't see the danger that was right before them. Rene was screaming for help and he couldn't ignore her. Trying to rise again, Apollo pulled him back down.

"I think they're going to do the one everyone in the fleet is talking about."

"Everyone? What song?" But Apollo cocked his head at him in confusion.

Before Apollo could explain, Starbuck received his answer as Jake introduced the next song to the crowd. Starbuck's eyes turned to Rene, expecting her to drift back into the background of the band, but she remained front and center as Jake spoke.

"This next one is by request and part of our reason for being here. Cain is joining the pilot training tomorrow to live up to his legendary name. We haven't sung this song with any Galactica Colonials in the room because, well," Jake hesitated. If Starbuck didn't know him better, he would say he looked ashamed. "We know you tried to do something about the destruction, but at the time, it looked like we had been abandoned. We want to make sure you don't take this one too personal, it's just…"

Jake hesitated looking to Rene who finished for him.

"We had a different center stage seat to the battle. I think it will help to explain why we're so…us…and …so damn pissed at the enemy."

"Frak the Cylons!" Max called out from somewhere in the room, earning several cheers in agreement.

Jake waited for it to die down before he continued, "Normally I take this one, but Rene wrote it so I'm making her take responsibility." Without waiting for anyone else, Jake launched into a guitar riff that then screeched, sounding like a falling bomb.

Once again, Rene became another person right before his eyes. The first song had been more, well, her, but this song gave him a glimpse of a younger woman, one with wide eyes who was terrified and resigned to a terrible fate. The chorus left the room quiet as a tomb. "Help is on the way, they said, they said, help is on the way. We were told to sit tight, somebody will soon arrive. Help is on the way. But it never came."

Sighing, Starbuck shook his head. The Rats had found a way to be offensive without a single curse of profanity as the subject of the song permeated the room. As she described the devastation and wailed for help that was never coming, everyone realized, the Colonial fleet was the help she was begging for.

And they never came.

The people had believed their leaders, that the truce was going to bring a lasting peace. They were the defenders of their worlds and they had failed to protect their people. Every Warrior had sworn an oath, and so many died that day trying to uphold that solemn promise to protect the colonies. Rene took their inability to defeat the enemy, and made it personal. But her song went beyond that as she explained to the crowd what exactly happened on Caprica that fateful day, "A thousand feet below, as black smoking goes the sky, the ocean floor erupts, eleven mothers cry."

He was tempted to count on his fingers how many of the Rats she was referring to that had hidden in the sewers that day with her. Nik, Jake, Ari, Jonas, Jason, Alex, Lizbet, Lara? The numbers didn't add up. They'd lost some since the destruction, and she was still counting those who Starbuck didn't know. The first Kalea and Kiff, it only made nine since Kalea and Kiff were siblings, but he didn't know. Should he ask or should he let it remain in the past? Before he could decide, the lyrics became even darker, "My bones all resonate, a burning lullaby. You can't take that from me. Just go ahead and try."

He winced. This song wasn't going to win her any admirers by the looks of the Galactica Warriors around the room. Several left by the end of the tune, but the band didn't slow down, launching into a another that was a counterpart to the other, something about not wanting to be held up and being able to stand on one's own.

He got what they were trying to say, the lyrics said it plain, "Don't hold me up now. I can stand my own ground. I don't need your help now. You won't let me down, down, down!" He just didn't think it was a message that needed to be blared across an Officer's Club. Looking to the Commander, he tried to offer an apology, if nothing else for how loud it was. He passed the message through Apollo who was between him and Adama, but Apollo waved him off, using the Rat's hand signs to let him know that it was okay, that his father had asked for this.

Apollo leaned closer, shouting in his ear, "No wonder we are having such a hard time with the civilians. It explains so much."

Starbuck had no idea what he meant. For one, they didn't have that hard a time with the civilians unless you counted the Council members who were too eager to end their voyage each time they found a halfway habitable planet, forgetting that the enemy might just find them again. Yes, there had been an attack on Jake and Nik, but that had been an isolated incident, as no other such attacks had been reported. Of course, that fed into Rene's belief that the two men had been targeted.

Rubbing his eyes, Starbuck yawned. He was too tired for this and was truly grateful when the song that followed was softer and slower. That sense of relief didn't last long as the fraks started flying.

"I am going to hear about this tomorrow," he thought as he looked from Apollo to around the room. Those from the Galactica who had stayed didn't look like they were enjoying themselves. The Dilmun pilots seemed to enjoy the music, but they were mostly friends of the Copper Squadron, and probably knew what to expect when the Rats played their own songs. Those warriors filled in the gaps left by those departing the club.

Starbuck wished he could say he was enjoying himself, but truth be told, it had been a long day. He was exhausted and the pain in his shoulders that was returning had him trying to roll them again. He wasn't sure how he was going to explain these songs to the pilots when they asked about them tomorrow. Adding to that stress was the talk he needed to have with Dixon and Salik and the added repercussions of Rene's wrath at the betrayal.

Leaning back and stretching his back, he wished he could just get some sleep and deal with all this next secton.

"Relax," Crius said in between songs. "You need to pull your shoulders from out of your ears or I'm going to be flying alone for a yahren."

"I'm fine," he replied curtly.

"Uh huh, then why do you look so miserable?"

He shook his head at him as another song started up, and the screeching guitar jangled his nerves. "I need a drink. Want one?"

"You think that's a good idea?" Crius asked, but Starbuck ignored him as he got up, taking Apollo's glass with him but leaving Crius's behind. He smiled and nodded at the friends he passed on the way, but once at the bar, he checked his chrono to see how late it was, debating if he could sneak out on his own family and get some much needed rest. His quarters would be quiet with everyone here. Quiet would be nice right about now.

As he waited for the drinks, his arm was jostled by another warrior. He turned to see who, and found himself face to face with Pallus.

"Great, it's you. Just what this day needed, more mong," Starbuck said ineloquently.

Pallus gave him a pyramid face back as he said, "Speaking of mong, I hear I have you to thank for the promotion back to the Galactica. Taking my ship are you?"

"Need to clean out the stink, that's all," Starbuck started to explain but Pallus continued.

"Yeah, she's gone downhill since we joined this fleet. Doesn't bother me to make the change. I would much rather take over a Battlestar any day. Enjoy your demotion. I'm sure the Commander and I will become close too, especially once I remind him of my lineage back on Caprica."

Starbuck sighed, too tired for a witty comeback. He ran Apollo's words through his head, "You don't have to work with this man much longer. You're leaving for the Zakar and then you can do and say whatever you want."

But then Pallus leaned closer, his voice a snarl. "You tell your wife, she knocks it off or I am going to kill her with my bare hands, you got that?"

Cold water splashed down Starbuck's spine at the threat, but he cast Pallus one of his best mong eating grins. "Well, I think we should take this conversation back to my table. I'm sure your new Commander would love to hear this."

"He'll be hearing her funeral dirge if she doesn't knock it off. We got the message, alright. Now you tell her to stop or this will get uglier than it already is."

Starbuck had no idea what the man was talking about, but he put kept the grin in place not wanting Pallus to know. He couldn't afford to start a fight, not here in the OC even if he did think the room full of his friends would take his side and help him take the trash out. But there was the Commander just a few steps away, and Starbuck liked the Captain's insignia on his lapel.

"Clean up your act, Pallus. The Galactica deserves better than your filth."

"I may be a little dirty, but at least I don't swim in the sewer. You dove down head first without looking. That can be dangerous. Just tell her, and she knows where she can find me when she's ready to be reasonable and apologize."

"And when will you be giving her your apology?" Starbuck sneered back.

"I did by letting her live until now. It stops, or I won't."

"I think that's how you got into this mess, you wouldn't stop," Starbuck answered, looking him squarely in the eye. "And the way I heard it, you fraking started it."

He could hear Pallus grinding his teeth over the sound of the pounding bass guitar. "We could debate that, but we're asking for a truce while some of us still have a Colonial Career."

"I hardly think that's her fault. You guys seem to be ruining that on your own. It's simple, take the help and quit using." Starbuck turned away from him to take his drinks, but Pallus pulled on his arm to turn him back, causing the drinks to spill. "Easy there," Starbuck warned, "or this gets ugly."

"So you don't know, do you?" Pallus shook his head before casting an evil glance toward Rene on the stage, then stepping to block Starbuck's attempt to leave the bar. "We stopped a while ago. We've been set up, and she's doing it."

"You attacked Jake." Starbuck sneered. "And any accusations you have to make, I'm sure the Commander would love to hear them." He took a step to the side, but Pallus matched his move.

"That might have been a mistake," Pallus held up a conciliatory hand, "for whoever was behind it. It wasn't me, but it will happen again if she doesn't stop."

"Is that so? And you know this because?"

Pallus glared at him before looking over to the Commander's table then back to him, "She's put more of my friends in the Life Center, than I have hers. She's not the innocent abused kid she's convinced everyone she is. Take my advice, Starbuck, don't turn your back on her. She's got claws."

Abruptly, Pallus turned away and Starbuck called out to him before he could think, "Don't turn your back on me, I bite!"

Slowly turning back, Pallus grinned evilly as he shook his head. "All you do is bark. Actually, you don't bark, you get your friends in high places to do that because you're toothless."

Starbuck didn't get a chance to find out how he might have answered that insult. Throwing the drinks on the man was high up on his list of choices for his first response. He probably would have let his fists provide the follow up reply, but Apollo had placed a hand on his shoulder, gripping him hard to restrain him.

"Pallus, good to see you mingling with your new squadrons. Why don't you come join us?"

Starbuck knew that tone in Apollo's voice, the one that said, "We are all going to behave like Officers and not disgrace the uniform." He watched as the words took their effect on Pallus, the curl of his lip softening as he hid his thoughts behind the guise of officer protocol.

"Thank you Colonel, but I was on my way out Just running an errand and back to the Zakar. Early day tomorrow. Enjoy your evening, sir."

The man was only a step or two away when Starbuck turned towards his friend, "He is a fraking boray. No, he's a boray's mother fraker. I swear to the Lords I am going to…"

"No, you are not." Apollo said the word with finality, halting the rest of Starbuck's rant.

"We need to do something about him," Starbuck growled as Apollo took a drink from him.

"I know. I'm working on it. I'm hoping being on the Galactica will have him on his best behavior, or at the very least, more eyes on him to catch him being a boray, because that is not what you want on a smaller ship with more autonomy or we wind up with a son of Sagan in charge."

Starbuck nodded, realizing once again he had a lot to learn about leadership. "Yeah, maybe, just so long as I get my family away before he comes over. He's making threats against Rene again."

The only indication that Apollo was taking Starbuck's words seriously was a slight wince, before he said, "That's the plan, to separate your family from some of the borays…um…I mean Dilmun warriors. Come on, you're missing the party. I think they're wrapping it up."

"Did you hear me? He's making threats!"

Apollo dramatically sighed, loud enough to be heard over the music. "I heard you loud and clear and the threat you made. Everyone heard it. You don't want to get into this right now. We are supposed to be having a good time and sending off Cain. Come on."

Starbuck ground his teeth. "You sure he hasn't tested positive for any substances?" Starbuck asked hopefully.

"We've checked. All within the limits allowed by the Colonial Service," Apollo said trying to guide Starbuck away from the bar.

"Those guidelines need to be revised. They are what started their problems on the Zakar."

"Maybe, but we were using stims too liberally after the destruction as well. A nice added bonus is they can act as a mood lifter. Besides, I don't think the stims are the problem, not anymore. Old grudges are and they need to be resolved."

"And how do you suggest we do that? An academy style team building workshop doesn't exactly make you forget yahrens of raping," Starbuck sneered.

Starbuck felt Apollo's hand on his arm detaining him from reaching their table. He turned to look at Apollo, to see the worry and concern in his eyes. Starbuck answered the question his friend was about to ask, "Jake's fine. Dealing with it better than I would. I want to kill a few people."

They both knew what Starbuck was referring to his early yahrens at the Academy and the hazing he had taken, or more accurately stated, refused to take. Sometimes he wished that he could have just laughed it off as pranks and all in good fun, "Geez guys, that was a good one!" But he had spent too many yahrens fighting to earn his spot at the Academy. He sure as hades wasn't going to bow and scrape to the boys who bought their way in.

Apollo nodded to him, acknowledging why Starbuck might be having problems dealing with the situation. "Now look who's making threats? We can't do this old Book of the Word, an eye for an eye, you know that right? Nor can we take justice into our own hands. Look Starbuck, tempers are hot right now and you always had a chip on your shoulder. You don't need it now. The rest of humanity is depending on us working out our differences. A merged fleet was supposed to provide safety and security for our people."

Grimacing Starbuck replied, "And Iblis promised the fleet deliverance, but not everyone is as good as you want them to be. Maybe a merged fleet isn't such a good idea?"

Shaking his head before sighing, Apollo said, "I know. I'm listening, Starbuck, to you and to the rumblings amongst the pilots and command. There was a reason that our ancestors fled Kobol to form different colonies. We may need to follow their example."

"We don't have enough ships for twelve fleets, and I'm not sure breaking us up into nationalities is the answer." Starbuck looked towards his friend Boomer, a Leonid, and towards Crius from Piscera.

"I don't either, but…"

Another song started, drowning out Apollo's reply. His friend leaned closer shouting, "We can talk about this later. Let's get back to the party."

"Later never seems to come," Starbuck grumbled to himself taking his seat as Crius gave him a questioning look, raising a hand asking in code what was wrong. Starbuck waved him off, instead turning to the band, hoping to catch Rene or Jake's attention. Per usual, Rene was lost in the music, head down, eyes closed, a wistful smile on her face. Lords he had wanted a happy ending to this day, but he knew Pallus wouldn't have approached him unless he thought he might be in the right to do it. Pallus was a snake, but he also seemed to care about his career and the Colonial code. If he said Rene was up to something, then she was and Starbuck had better put an end to it before it got out of control. He finally was able to get Jake's attention, flashing him a hand sign to wrap it up.

Play List…

If I had my time again, Rum Jacks

State of Masschusetts, Drop Kick Murphys

Dynamite, any given sin

Backfoot, Dinosaur Pileup

Vultures, Asking Alexander

Help is on the Way, Rise Against

Prayer of the Refugee, Rise Against


	19. Chapter 19

As Starbuck flashed the sign for the band to finish their set, Jake nodded, and for once the Rats listened to him. "Only because I used their language," Starbuck mumbled sarcastically as his head began to pound with the sound of the applause.

Leaning over, Starbuck spoke to Apollo, "Wait here for me. I need to talk to Rene."

"Starbuck, let it go," Apollo said reaching for him, but Starbuck was brushed him off, instead turning to Crius. Dragging his confused wing mate a few feet away, Starbuck leaned in close as he hissed, "What do you know about what Rene is up to?"

Crius plastered on his face a goofy grin of an innocent country bumpkin as he shrugged. "Just living life to its fullest while fleeing the enemy. Nothing you don't know about."

Starbuck rolled his eyes so hard he thought maybe they would actually get stuck there like one of the orphanage matrons said could happen. "Stow it! Pallus cornered me at the bar and I need to know before this gets out of hand, so spill it."

Dropping the grin, Crius looked towards the band and Starbuck's eyes followed, noting that now with the performance over, Jake's features had gone back to wary with a hint of surly. Rene however looked pleased with herself, laughing as she began to coil up the cords. Starbuck looked away and tugged at Crius's jacket to get his attention.

"It's me, remember? Friend of the Rats? I can't keep the felixes away if you don't throw this daggit a bone. What is going on?"

A cloud of concern passed across Crius's features as he replied, "Not sure myself. She's not letting anyone in on this one. Said she'd bury the bodies herself. Something about not messing with your promotion." He paused before adding, "Which raises the question: who's dead?"

Shaking his head and grinding his teeth, Starbuck felt his back spasm. "Rene will be according to Pallus if she keeps it up. I need to know so I can fix this."

"So why are you asking me? She's left me out of it just like she did when the Galactica showed up."

Crius's words awakened alarms within Starbuck's brain. He knew why Rene hadn't included Crius then, and probably why she hadn't now. What she was up to was dangerous, probably illegal and could get someone killed. Most likely Rene.

Starbuck sighed as he remembered back to those early days and the few times he talked to her friends as she wove her lies to try to get them all off Dilmun. She'd flat out refused help, even his. Her motto was: I'm the only one that goes down for this.

He respected the sentiment. After experiencing Dante's form of reprimand, he could understand why she wanted to protect her friends. Dante was evil and she had nowhere to turn. Involving others was condemning them to a fate worse than death. Like himself and most of his friends, Rene had a strong sense of duty and responsibility towards her friends and family. It was one of the qualities he loved about her, especially when it came to how she dealt with the kids, her own and those she'd adopted. There were a hundred things she did without help, like the uniforms that went from a dirty pile on the floor to neatly pressed in the lockers, and the extra food that was appearing in their larders, not to mention the gifts she had been handing out to anyone beyond the family that lent a hand. She took care of the Rats and anyone associated with them and she did it on her own.

But often times her protective nature was misdirected. She'd obtained all those gifts she was handing out by stealing a viper and sneaking into enemy territory. The extra food was no doubt misappropriated from somewhere it was supposed to be assigned, with forged documents to prove it. Whatever was going on with Pallus was just another example of Rene's twisted sense of commitment that crossed the lines of legality. Crius's ignorance was the result of Rene trying to protect her friend.

Starbuck nodded to his wingman. "Okay. I get it. Look, why don't you get everyone back while I have a chat with my wife?"

"Chat or shouting match?" Crius asked with an unspoken offer of back up.

"That depends on her," he answered honestly before turning away and heading for the stage.

Jake didn't miss his approach nor Starbuck's mood, raising an eyebrow. Before Jake could ask what was wrong, Starbuck waved him off with a sign to keep his course as Starbuck stepped closer to his wife. Rene was focused on packing up a guitar when he tugged at her sleeve.

She flashed him a genuine grin that made Rene look yahren's younger, or more accurately, made her appear her age for once, and Starbuck reconsidered even speaking with her. It could wait until the morning, couldn't it?

For a brief moment his head swam with a sense of deja' vu. He knew that type of grin, remembered it from yahrens before and the various clubs of Caprica. Maybe it was the longer hair and the type of clothing she wore more often now than the uniform that was creating the illusion, but he found himself thinking back to the many nights he'd spent in the off limits clubs on Caprica and the other young people around him. He hadn't seen Rene, after all, there were too many yahrens between them, but he'd seen many girls like her, young and rebellious looking for a place to fit in. He'd been looking for a place to fit in too, feeling out of his element at the Academy. He'd needed those nights where he would get drunk on not just the alcohol but the music and the thrill of just being young and free, especially before he wasn't anymore.

Life had been so much easier when he was in his twenties. His biggest concerns had been about not getting caught as he snuck out of the Academy dorms each night, trying to prevent his various girlfriends from meeting each other, all while keeping his teachers fed with enough assignments that they wouldn't believe he was cheating on every exam. His real battles were between squeezing in as much fun as he could and his need to at least sleep some time. He was convinced his life was so rough then, and he was determined not to waste a single moment of his youth knowing it passed by way too soon. Where had he gotten all that energy? He could sure use some now.

He hesitated to speak as she looked up at him. He hadn't seen her look this happy since their sealing, the first one, the real one with the background of stars in the council chambers. Maybe Apollo was right, he should just let it go. Let her have her fun for one night.

Rene's smile slipped when she met his gaze and he almost turned away with the realization that Rene had been cheated out of her youth. Instead it had been wasted on outrunning the enemy and trying to evade one sadistic abuser after another. The images that came to his mind tamped down the fire of his anger. What he had gone through at the enemy's metal hands made him angry, but their little stay on Caprica had not been Rene's first time.

Whatever she was up to, she had earned the right to a little revenge. She deserved to be vindictive and more than a little angry when one factored in the added experience of being rescued by Dante and having to pay for that rescue with your flesh. Who wouldn't want to take a bit of vengeance out on someone? The problem was that it was the true enemy she should be venting that violence upon. They were so close he could almost hear the drone of the thousands of centurions on those ships. He knew he needed every pilot he had to come close to evening the odds, even those Rene was plotting against.

He sighed again as he felt the weight of the Captain's insignia on his collar. He couldn't ignore the problem with Pallus. Starbuck had abused his power enough for one yahren when he'd taken justice in his own hands less than a secton ago. He couldn't let her do this, whatever this was. Plus, Pallus had friends and was fully capable of his own retaliation. Then again, didn't that make the boray even more worthy of some payback?

The conflicting emotions crested on a wave of fatigue that almost made him decide to stay ignorant of whatever Rene was scheming. Then the wave crashed down upon him as Rene's features changed, just for a moment there was a flash of a face that was not her own, a face he'd seen once before as Apollo shot a creature that had come into their midst cloaked in a human form, but was anything but a man. Then it was gone, but in its wake was the knowledge that Rene's mysterious power to move space had a dubious origin. She was capable of much more than simple retribution.

Swallowing down bile, he struggled to find the words. Rene opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off, mainly because he knew she would ask once again if he was alright. He was not alright, not since Caprica, not since Iblis, not since the battle of Cimtar. Then again "alright" was merely a state of mind in the Colonial Service, attained mostly through showing up and doing your duty.

"We need to talk. Now. Corridor," he issued the clipped command, not trusting himself to say more before turning to leave the club, assuming she would follow, but in all honesty he didn't care. He just needed out of that room, away from the noise and the voices. His shoulders relaxed a little as she caught up to him before he was halfway across the club. She asked twice before they were even in the corridor what was wrong. He waited until they were around the corner before he reached for her halting her steps.

"Starbuck? What's wrong?"

Fixing his face with his best drill sergeant impression, choking down the conflicting emotions, he kept his words simple and on the immediate problem. "I had an interesting chat with Pallus. He told me to deliver a message. Knock it off before someone winds up dead. Want to tell me what he's talking about?"

She took a step back but he held on as she tensed. Her eyes narrowed, before she looked away. Normally she could lie with a straight face, but not this time as she mumbled, "I don't know what you are talking about."

He gripped her arm even harder. "Lie to me one more time and I am going to…" he hesitated, not sure what he could threaten that he would actually follow through with, and instead mumbled, "The one person I want to order around, and she won't let me. I thought being sealed would grant me at least the perk of some honesty"

Rene turned back to him, eyes widening at his words before she shook her head. "I am being honest. It's nothing you need to worry about. It's between me and Pallus and…"

"Oh is that so? I would think threats made to my wife might be something I should be concerned about, don't you think?" He held her tight while his other hand clenched in a fist. He resisted the temptation to shake her as a sarcastic grin bloomed on her face.

"No, not really, especially since it doesn't involve you. Besides, I handled it so you don't need to worry, Captain."

The overemphasis of the word was a deliberate reminder of the barriers that should be between them, but those had never bothered either of them before, so why now?

"You just don't get it do you?" His voice rose and echoed in the empty corridor. He winced as she twisted her arm to get away, but he held on and lowered his voice in an effort to gain some control. "Worrying comes with the promotion to husband, and death threats of any kind get top priority." He raised his other hand, unclenching to point a finger in her face. "This is about Jake isn't it? Look, I don't blame you for wanting to even the score. Did it ever cross your mind I want to do that too? He's family!"

The emotion he let out with his words got her attention as she lifted her head and appraised him with different eyes. He could see the debate she was having with herself as she opened her mouth, shut it, looked away then back to him, before nodding.

She kept her voice low as her eyes narrowed. "So it's okay for you but not for me? What the frak were you thinking, Starbuck? You could have been busted, or kicked out of your beloved Colonial Service, and that's if they took mercy on you!"

He felt himself grip her even tighter as he cursed, "Fraking Max. Knew I should have gone with someone else. What did he tell you?"

"Starbuck! I thought he was joking, but, what the actual frak? What about your Colonial Code? You are always telling us to trust the system and things are different, but then you…"

"It was a mistake," he cut her off as he felt the sting not only of her rebuke, but his own self recriminations. He let go of her like his hand was burning, taking a step back. He ran a hand through his hair trying to think as Rene turned this back on him like a viper using reverse thrusters. Lords, he was too tired for this. He sucked in a deep breath and tried to clear his mind, but her voice was there as he remembered sectar's before when she had explained the Rat's code, "Admit nothing, deny everything, demand proof, distract and deflect the accusation, blame someone else. Works every time."

No, not this time, he thought, even though he knew he deserved the condemnation. But this wasn't about what he had done. That was over and done with, cooling in a cell on the prison barge.

He nodded slowly a few times. "I didn't want revenge, I wanted the guy to tell me who else was involved, but you're right. I could have wound up on the prison barge myself and.." he paused taking a shuddering breath. He held out a hand, reaching for her, but she took a step away.

Wincing, he continued, "Look, I made a mistake and it sure as hades didn't get me what I wanted. I'm thinking that Pallus hurting you isn't what I want either, so just tell me what's going on so I can put a stop to it before we are all in a lot of trouble. Neither of us want that, do we?"

He took a step towards her, but she took a step back, putting her hands out to forestall his touch. "I already did stop it. I swear, but, well, it just…got out of control. If they weren't such equine's astrums it might have just been one or two of them, but… it just kind of got away from me."

"What got out of control? What are we talking about here?" He tried to remain calm and found himself taking a step and leaning down, like he might with Kiff or Daniel when they were upset. "Just tell me, okay?"

Rene looked down the corridor again before she lowered her voice even softer. "I made sure Doc Salik didn't waste his time on those tox screens."

Closing his eyes, he tried to count to ten, but all he could hear was the last pilot he had to discipline protesting the claims against him were false. Disciplining pilots was his least favorite part of the promotion. It made him wish he could go all the way back to ensign, especially when the warrior denied he was guilty.

Opening his eyes, he reminded himself that he wasn't a paragon of virtue himself, not lately, but his mouth took over. "Frak, all those guys were right! They were innocent. Do you know how many I've had to put on report while they stood there telling me they didn't do it? What the frak, Rene? You've been poisoning pilots? With the enemy lurking out there ready to attack at any moment? Are you insane?"

"It was just supposed to be a couple, but those guys have made more enemies here than friends and it just…" She closed her mouth and shook her head.

"It just what, Rene? You just couldn't help yourself, is that it? One of my pilots is in the Life Center with an overdose, he could have died! Did you know that? What if we had a real red alert and half my pilots were high on something? What the frak were you thinking?"

Her voice rose to meet his own volume. "I wouldn't do that! And you're blowing this all out of proportion. It was one or two pilots at a time. And it wasn't enough for an overdose unless they were already on something. How dare you ask what I was thinking? It was the same thing you were thinking, revenge. So it's alright for you but not for me?"

He recoiled as his high ground in this fight collapsed beneath him. Then he crawled his way back up again. "One guy in the prison barge wouldn't make much difference if the Cylons attacked. Colonial warriors are a whole other matter!" He changed his tactics when her eyes flashed in anger. "Please tell me it can't be traced back to you?"

"Not exactly."

"Frak," he mumbled as his back spasmed again. He stepped back and leaned against the corridor wall. looking up to the ceiling imploring the Lords. "This isn't just pranks. This is serious and needs to stop before someone gets killed."

"No great loss if they died," she said.

Reaching a hand up, he rubbed at the grit stinging his eyes before he spoke. "And who is going to protect the fleet, the kids, your kids, the family, everyone? I can't do everything on my own! We're Warriors. We stand together and if we can't trust each other…" He hesitated, realizing he'd blundered into the heart of the issue for Rene, she trusted no one, not the fleet's legal system, not the Colonial Command, and probably not even him. There was no reasoning with her on that point. He'd been trying to argue it since the moment he met her. Six sectars and she still hadn't figured it out. But this wasn't just about her, not anymore. He tried again, "Rene, you're taking out Warriors. my warriors. It's not just a couple of pilots, if those guys fly drugged up and they make a mistake, you are endangering the whole squadron. You're endangering me and all your friends."

"No I'm not," she interrupted. "I didn't target anyone who wasn't already using, and," she held up a hand to halt him, but he had nothing to say. "And I swear to you, it was just two or three and then I stopped. But the people I had helping me," she shook her head again. "It's not me anymore. I swear."

"How many are we talking? I need those pilots Rene, frak," he swore. The commander had wanted the fleet to remain unaware of the battle that was possibly coming. He'd argued that everyone had a right to know, to join in the fight to save all their lives, but no one had listened to him. Even his own wife wasn't listening. And why should she? He was no saint, not lately. "They follow your lead," he reminded himself, but what were the right actions when everyone had let you down?

He sighed heavily, before mumbling, "With what may be coming for us, I need as many pilots as I can get. Do you have any idea how bad things are?"

"It's not as bad as you think," she scoffed. "You didn't find anything out there on your patrol and you have pilots, good pilots that you aren't even using. You don't need the lousy borays."

He was too tired right now to come up with any answers, plus what more was there to say than what he said far too often.

"Dammit, Rene. I know Jake is your…he's family, but…dammit!"

The words slipped out as he shook his head, but the curse wasn't aimed at her but at himself. He should have known she'd do something. It wasn't like her to just rant about the tribunals judgment. No, she was a person of action, but she often acted before thinking, like when she flew off to Caprica and arranged a whole rescue mission before even talking to him about it.

He flinched as he felt her hand on his arm. He opened his eyes to find her scanning him, taking a reading on how he felt before she spoke. A raging fire of defiance was burning in her eyes.

"This isn't about Jake. It's about Ari."

He winced as the scene of carnage exploded in his mind. His gorge rose at the memory of gaining consciousness in a nightmare of blood and bone splattered across his chest. He was once again crawling to Rene, trying to hold her but there was so much blood. The only thing he could hear was Ari's attempts to draw air into shattered lungs. Rene's anguish had ripped his own heart from him as he reached for her. They were of one mind when she pulled her blaster and ended the young man's suffering.

He flinched now as he had then when the trigger was pulled. That moment had changed everything in his world. He could never walk away from her now, not after what he had done. Those involved deserved to die, all of them. He owed her that. He owed Ari.

His voice was hushed as he asked, "What do you remember?"

"That I didn't make him stay on the Galactica and because of that, he's dead."

"No," he barked shaking his head. "You couldn't control that. No one could. You didn't make Dante choose him as a pawn in his sick game. I'm the one who should have thought before I just stormed the brig and…I should have…"

Shutting his eyes, he ducked down to avoid the wave of regret and guilt that loomed over him threatening to crush him against the hard stones of should have and could have. It's not how he lived his life. There was no going back. They had to live in the here and now. Ari was dead.

He flinched again as he felt her hand cupping his cheek. Their eyes met as they had in that moment, both knowing without a word what had to be done. It felt like a lifetime passed before he spoke.

"You can do a lot of things, Rene, but you can't bring him back. No matter how much you hurt them, it doesn't change the fact that Ari is dead."

Nodding, she looked away swallowing hard before she turned back and spoke, her voice soft and low.

"I only gave them something that would enhance what they were already taking. If they were clean, it just increased their focus. If they were using, well," she shrugged. "I am not the one who slipped it to them. That's where it got out of control. These guys have made more enemies than friends."

Nodding, he assessed the threat. "Who else knows?" Mentally Starbuck shoved everything off his duty desk wiping out his previous to do list. This would take days to repair the damage and bury it away.

"Just me, Jake and a few of the staff in the mess hall. That's it, I swear."

Nodding again, he tried to form a strategy for retreating from the situation, but this wasn't a skirmish he could map out on a star chart. "I need the pilots," he mumbled as he looked away, not willing to stare directly at the fact that he was condoning her actions. Lords help him. Had he suggested suspending punishments for Dante's followers because he thought they deserved a fate worse than what was dictated by the Colonial Code? Is that who he had become that day on Dilmun?

His nose filled with the smell of blood and burnt flesh as his knees grew weak. Rene reached out a hand to his shoulder, holding him up. He nodded to her trying to read her eyes. Was this woman truly capable of murder? He knew that answer already. The real question remained, was he capable of it as well? His friends had thought so with Ortega and that had simply been an argument over Triad. This, this was so much more.

"I know," she whispered to him, once again reading his thoughts. "They're not dead, yet."

"Dammit, Rene." The words came out in a heavy sigh as he tried to put his emotions into words. "We can't. We have to…"

"Starbuck?" Apollo's voice from down the corridor made both their heads turn as the Colonel came around the corner. "Everyone's wondering where you went. Am I interrupting something?"

"No, not at all," Starbuck said quickly wiping his face blank, looking to Rene to ask her to do the same, but she was already feigning innocence as she moved away from him. In that moment of shared instinctive response, he felt the sudden urge to tell Apollo everything, from the beginning to the end of it. Then he might be able to sleep with a clear conscience. Rene's hand gripping his made him swallow down the impulse. In a few sectons, when he and the family were firmly ensconced on the Zakar, then over an ambrosia he might unburden his soul. But for now, he looked to Rene as she squeezed his hand twice.

"It's Cain's night," she whispered to him, "And you need some sleep. Why don't you head back to our quarters? The rest of us will be in the council chambers for the night. Jason's idea."

"Am I not wanted?"

She winced at the words, letting him know he hadn't been successful in hiding the hurt he felt at the exclusion.

"Cain wants you there, but I," she hesitated holding up a hand before he could ask again, "I thought you'd rather sleep in your own bed rather than on the floor of the council chambers. We're sleeping all together."

"Of course you are," he mumbled without thinking, before moderating his emotions and his tone. "I'm so tired, I can sleep anywhere, and I would sleep better with you there."

Squeezing his hand twice, she nodded by way of apology. "We can talk about this in the morning, don't you think?"

Wearily he nodded and let her and Apollo lead him back to the noise of the Officers Club, where his nerves jangled with the laughter and jollity of the room. He tried to join in, knowing that too soon reality would come blasting into everyone's lives and nights like this would become rarer than a good night's sleep.


	20. Chapter 20

The touch to his shoulder jerked him awake. He flinched, unaware that he had drifted off in his chair in the midst of the party in the officer's club, a fumarello still burning in his hand.

"I'm sorry, son," Adama said, "I didn't mean to disturb you, but I knew you would hate to waste a good smoke. Get some sleep; that's an order."

Starbuck lifted up the fumarello in a half salute. "Soon, that is if the enemy and my family will let me. Sorry about the songs," he offered up an apology, testing to see how much damage the Rats might have created with their angry lyrics and screaming guitars.

"No need to apologize. It was my request and it was," Adama hesitated as his face darkened for a micron. The look passed and he patted his shoulder. "It was informative. Good night."

"It was that," he thought to himself as he drew the fumarello to his lips, inhaling deeply as he surveyed the club. At this late hour it was mostly filled with those he considered friends, but those from Dilmun mingled near the bar while the Galactica pilots took up most of the better tables and chairs. The Sewer Rats had hidden themselves in a corner, laughing among themselves, talking half with their hands, and half with words.

"All these sectons, and the divisions still remained," he thought to himself shaking his head and taking a last drag then snuffing out his smoke, hoping to save the rest for another time. He really needed to follow up on that order given by the Commander for sleep, but at the moment he was afraid to move. He wasn't in pain, but worried that if he shifted, even a fraction, it would come racing in like a Cylon pinwheel attack. It was bad enough needing help out of the cockpit, but he really didn't like the idea that he was going to need some help out of this chair.

Looking across the room, he met Rene's eyes, tilting his head to indicate they should go. She nodded and headed towards him, the family in her wake.

The voice over his shoulder made him shift in his seat. "You've had a long day. So have I. You don't intend to do this every night on the Zakar do you?"

"That depends on how comfortable the chairs are in the Zakar's club. These are pretty amazing right now."

"Not as good as your bed." Apollo offered him a hand up for which Starbuck was grateful. He gripped it hard, and let his buddy do most of the work.

"Thanks," Starbuck mumbled before he offered an invitation to come back to the Council Chambers. He tried not to audibly sigh in relief when his friend turned him down.

"We have a briefing tomorrow in the morning and I have some tests to still run on the main engines. It will be another long day and I'm hoping to get some rest before things heat up here soon. Can't wait until you come over and take some of this work from me, freeing up some of my own time to party all night." Amusement danced in his eyes, both men knowing that Apollo participated more from friendship and obligation than from any real desire to listen to screaming guitars.

"If I have to hold your hair back while you get close and personal with the turbo flush one more time - " Starbuck teased, watching as the other pilots made their way over one by one to thank the Rats for the music. From his vantage point it appeared that Jake and the rest brushed off the compliments. He shook his head and tried to remind himself that they were all tired and not to read too much into anything, but his emotions were just as loud and diverse as the guitar riffs had been that evening.

"See he gets some sleep," Apollo said to Starbuck's new wing mate, who had come to join them.

"Yes, boss," Crius replied as he gave Starbuck a pat on the back and a nod of his head, his way of communicating that he would gather every one up before he headed towards the Rat's corner. Crius spoke to Rene first, and she lifted her head from her conversation, shifting her gaze across the club to Starbuck. He found himself looking away. She was having fun and lords he hated to end a good party. But truth be told, he wasn't up to the fight that they hadn't finished in the corridor. Silently, Rene came over to stand before him. He scanned her features just as deeply as she scanned his.

"Look, I think we need to have a talk, in the morning, and we can," he started, but his wife cut him off.

"I know you see things the way I do."

"Maybe," he said, conceding the point, pretty sure he knew what she was talking about, that some people did deserve to pay for what they had done in the past. "But I don't think you see the whole picture."

"Maybe." She nodded slowly before her eyes flashed a shade of green he'd never seen there before. "Maybe I see more than is there."

Starbuck closed his eyes, wincing, not wanting to believe what he'd seen in that flash of color. "I'm too tired to fight you tonight. Can we let everyone live until tomorrow?"

"Yes, husband, as you wish."

The words made him shudder. It wasn't what he wanted either, driving Rene to manipulate him to get her own way. He muttered her name in warning, "Rene, dammit. Don't believe his promises. Don't let him in."

She cast him a puzzled look. "The only one getting into anything is you into a bed. Come on." She held out her hand, and he hesitated, suddenly afraid that if he took it he'd be making a pact that he would later regret. He tried to ignore the voice in his head as it whispered, "She has a point. Someone should pay for what happened to Ari."

He gripped her hand and held on. He owed her, owed Ari, but hadn't they already paid? He could talk more sense into her and himself in the morning when he showed her the other threats that were looming on the horizon. They didn't need to kill anyone. They could let the Cylons even the score. Rene knew that better than anyone.

He only half heard the other pilot's remarks about leaving the party early as he let Rene guide him out of the club and down the corridor. His wife must have sent Lizbet ahead, because by the time they all made it to the Council chambers, blankets and pillows were already there, laid out up by the view screen under the stars for their impromptu slumber party. He groaned as he stripped off his flight jacket and flopped down into a plush chair at the head of the table and closed his eyes. He must have passed out right away as he was jolted awake as someone lifted his feet.

"Just me," Rene said softly unbuckling his boots and sliding them off his feet. She held out a hand to help him up out of the chair and it took him a moment to decide if he wanted to move at all. He was comfortable where he was despite the ache threatening to return in full force. But everyone else had bedded down on the floor, and he didn't want to be alone, not tonight. Once again he took her hand and let her lead him to the others.

Once he stretched out on the floor with the firm surface at his back, he found the ache was eased. Rather than this relaxing him off to sleep, he found that he was wide awake and his thoughts began racing, a jumble of the problems he'd dealt with in the past days with the enemy out there somewhere hiding in the stars, as well as the threats within the Galactica waiting to attack those he cared for. He pulled Rene to him, and she resisted, mumbling softly, "I don't want you to hurt more."

He nearly laughed at that. If she was so concerned about him, she would stop her plotting against his pilots and focus on just taking care of his child she carried. He saved his words for the morning, saying softly instead, "I don't care." He drew her into his arms, needing to feel her warmth and hoping her presence would inspire his mind to settle down. Stroking her hair, he tried to clear his head, but it seemed he was not the only one finding it hard to sleep.

"Which one is Caprica?" Jason's voice echoed in the dark empty chamber.

Crius supplied the answer that was on Starbuck's lips, "It's behind us. Can't see it from here. But that's Dilmun, over to the left, about six stars over and four stars down."

"It was nice there?" Cain asked. Starbuck found he was curious who would answer the boy and what they would have to say. He was surprised when it was Jason that answered.

"Yeah, sometimes. But it wasn't as nice as Caprica. Summer was really short."

"Summers were nicer on Piscera," Crius said sighing wistfully. "I miss the smell of the farm. Nothing like the sweet scent of fresh cut Picon hay."

They were all quiet for a moment before Nik spoke, "I miss summer nights by the lake."

"I miss sneaking out on warm summer nights and meeting up with my friends," Rene said.

"Those nights were fun," Jake echoed Starbuck's thoughts as memories of his own covert missions sneaking out of various foster homes late at night came to mind. How sweet those summer nights had been, when his biggest worry was getting caught and taking a thrashing from the old man who fostered him, or the extra labor he'd have to do to make up for it. It had all been worth it for those stolen moments on a starlit night.

"I miss the gal who would meet me there," Jake said wistfully, and Starbuck wondered if he should be jealous at what Rene's ex was insinuating. He shrugged the emotion away. He'd had his own young gals he'd met under the summer stars, a different one almost every time. Crius sighed dramatically and Boomer chuckled. Starbuck chuckled ruefully, realizing everyone had a past that was now long gone behind them.

"I miss homemade ice cream," Max added, shifting the conversation away from the topic of stolen nights and stolen kisses.

Rene groaned into Starbuck's chest. "Don't talk about food. I can't take the cravings. I would literally kill for some ice cream. Or a fresh peach, oh my lords, what I wouldn't give for a sun ripened peach."

The comment startled him. Up to this point, Rene had made no mention of any discomforts with the pregnancy, other than to chastise him when he looked too long at her growing belly. She had even found a solution for the uniform problem, sticking with the flight deck baggy jumpsuit, and getting her boots to buckle by rapping her shins on a chair leg. He had begun to think maybe it was just old tales where women craved ice cream and pickles, but maybe there was some truth to it. Could he find any ice cream, he wondered? How much would a peach cost him? He certainly had the cubits now to afford it.

"My mother made the best peach pie," Boomer said, interrupting his thoughts.

"Not better than my mom's. She'd drizzle it with thick honey cream," Lizbet rejoined.

"My mom made strawberry pie. No one else made strawberry pie and it was sweet and…" Cain had joined in, but his voice cracked and he halted. They all seemed to wait in anticipation for the young man to finish, but his next breath came out as a strangled sob.

The boy's ragged breathing echoed in the chamber as the kid tried to control his grief. Starbuck had never known what to do after the destruction when those around him were dealing with their grief. He'd counted himself lucky at not having had anyone to mourn, unless you counted Aurora, and had felt awkward with most of his friends. He'd dealt with it by trying to forge a deeper bond with Athena, but in hindsight, her rejection had wounded him almost as deeply, if not more so, than the destruction itself. Perhaps that was the attraction of Cassie at the time. She didn't seem to be mourning anyone either, and had seen the destruction as an opportunity for a second chance. Maybe that was what drew him to Rene as well. The end of the world had been a new beginning for her as well.

But the sobs that Cain tried to stifle, were a sober reminder that for others, nothing would ever be the same again. He knew he should do something, or say something, but he didn't know what he could do to ease the boy's pain. How did one deal with the loss of a parent? He'd been trying his whole life to figure that out. It was his greatest fear with the baby on the way, could he keep himself and Rene alive long enough for the kid to grow up, or would it wind up being another orphan? For half a micron he wished he'd thought to use some protection those first few times. A battlestar was no place for a baby, but if not here, then where? "This is the safest place to be, isn't it?" he reasoned to himself as he listened to Cain's muffled tears.

The coordinates to Earth came unbidden to him, a shining hope that maybe they would find it soon, and his son or daughter would grow up safe and free under sun filled skies with both parents. If they found Earth soon, he could give Cain a home to fight for.

As Rene patted his chest and moved away getting up to go to Cain, Starbuck let out the breath he'd been holding. Was it cowardice that kept him from going with her? He propped himself up and couldn't take his eyes away from the scene of Rene sitting down beside the young man, placing a hand on his shoulder as she murmured comforting words.

They were the common platitudes he'd heard often after the destruction, that those Cain loved were in a better place and still looking out for him, but as she continued, the words were different. They would be disturbing to others, but the Rats had a different way of looking at the universe.

"You will join them soon enough. You won't miss them for long and you can take out a few of the tin heads along the way. Revenge feels so sweet, and you're not in this alone. You've got us. We will always watch your back. Let some of us pave the way first, okay? Just hold on a little bit longer. Make your death count for something. Make your mom proud. Make us proud. You can do that, can't you? You have brothers and sisters counting on you. Your other family is still there, but we're here now."

Wiping at his eyes, Cain mumbled an apology, but Rene ignored it. She looked up to Starbuck, a pleading in her eyes, but he didn't understand what she was asking of him or how to answer. Before he could voice his confusion, Crius spoke.

"I was scared as snot the night before I went to the Academy. I had no clue what I was in for. I actually thought about staying on the farm rather than going. You were scared too, weren't you, Bucko?"

He shook his head, remembering the excitement he had felt that night. He'd surprised himself by falling asleep fast, and waking long before dawn. When his foster parents knocked on his door to wake him, he was packed and ready. He wolfed down the breakfast they made him, a rarity in that house, and bound out the door, never to look back. He wasn't surprised when he received word at his first posting that his foster mom had passed, and then the mean old man. They'd been pretty old when they took him in, and he'd ruined all their plans of him taking care of them in their old age when he'd said he was going to the academy. The distant relationship had become almost hostile before he'd left. He didn't wish them dead, but wasn't surprised by the news either.

He couldn't help out Crius or Rene. He couldn't pretend he'd been even a little bit frightened at the prospect of the Academy. He just shrugged again as Boomer spoke up, following Crius's example of trying to help Cain to feel normal in his worry about the next day.

"I couldn't sleep or eat. But it all turned out to be for nothing. The service does a good job at not giving you time to be afraid, or to do anything other than what they tell you to do. You'll be okay come morning, you'll see."

Crius followed up the words with his own, "You're just going to be down the corridor from us. I'll check up on you. Heck, I think Starbuck might be your instructor at some point. You're going to be okay kid."

Cain mumbled a sheepish "thanks," and Rene squeezed his shoulder before getting up and coming back to Starbuck's side. She snuggled in a little tighter and Starbuck held her close, whispering to her, "Good job." He wanted to express so much more than the two words, to tell her he'd noticed all she did for the family, that he appreciated it, but something about how tight she held him and the fact that she wouldn't meet his eyes kept him silent. Things would be different for his kids, he vowed looking out towards the stars. He knew the coordinates and the course was set. He would get them there.

The roller coaster of emotions from the day had wiped him out, and before he could think of what more to say, he was out. In his dreams he somehow understood that he was sleeping, as the images played before him like a televid. He was watching their actions back on Caprica, his viper transitioning suddenly from the dark of space to the planet below him. He was racing through the sewers, following Rene down a dark path, chasing her around a blind corner as the light faded and the tunnel narrowed. Suddenly he found himself in his viper, launching with little fuel as the enemy was bearing down on him. He felt the jolt of a blast and he was free of his viper and tumbling down a hillside.

He woke with an impact, the breath knocked from him as Rene's voice called out "No!"


End file.
